Downsizing wedding after STDs are sent out...help?

There is no nice way to do this. STD means expect an invite to be followed. OOT guests quite possibly have already made arrangements to attend.

@Kathryn, our venue is a covered bridge at a public park, followed by the reception at the community center down the street, so it is pretty low key already.

This is also why you don't bank on money that you don't have in hand. If you don't do what other PP's have suggested, doing a super small ceremony with just your immediate family, then you need to just do what you can afford. Cut everything that you can. You don't need flowers for centerpieces, you don't need a 3 tiered wedding cake, favors or a fancy meal. Simplify it as much as possible.

That doesn't sound like downsizing, that sounds like canceling the formal wedding altogether and it should probably be framed that way.

I get how things change but it would be totally rude to downsize now.

If I were in your position I'd call up the people I wanted there most (parents, FILs, grandparents, best friend-total 10-12 people) and say we were headed to the beach to elope and they're invited but we get it's last minute and won't have our feelings hurt if they celebrate from afar. Then I'd post on fb what we had done and tell people to stay tuned for the marriage celebration we'd be throwing on 10/15. Everyone who got STDs gets an invite and you can cater bbq or other cheaper items. I don't see why $3000 or so wouldn't cover that.

I hope that helps although I don't know your situation so it could have other issues! Best of luck!

I realize it's my fault for sending STDs, but I don't want to spend the next 7 months wishing a day that's supposed to be about FH and I was something completely different. I know one OOT guest has booked ticket and hotel accommodations, but that's a close family member who would be invited to the smaller ceremony regardless.

We have considered eloping, but wouldn't that be just as frowned upon as downsizing to family only?

Never spend money you don't have in hand.

Lots of lessons here for everyone else, though it doesn't help you.....

invite 10 guests, go have lunch, problem solved.

I just feel so bad for those guests being uninvited. If I were one of them I'd be so unbelievably hurt and embarrassed. I'd never treat my family or friends that way..

How many people does immediate family plus the one friend come out to?

Is the OOT guest that you're still inviting part of your immediate family?

Cancel the wedding and set a new date with your close family a while later, just explain to everyone due to financial reasons you have to cancel the wedding and please take don't the wedding website. Only issue will be if people already made travel arrangements

@AshleeP423 how would you be embarrassed? I'd be upset if I got cut from the guest list after I got a STD or invite, and I'd be a little sad that you eloped, but I really wouldn't care that much. I certainly wouldn't be embarrassed about it.

OP, how is it that this wouldn't be the day you wanted? It sounds like you did what you wanted and just now realize you spent money you didn't have.

Downsizing and eloping but having immediate family are two different things. Technically I guess it isn't really eloping if you invite immediate family but if you throw a celebration on your original date I don't think it'd be an issue.

@Jeanne it's about 20, including children (nieces and nephews under age 10).

If you go that route I would send a hand written note to each person that you sent an STD to explaining the situation. I was sent an STD for a wedding that was later cancelled because the couple split up. I received a hand written note with an explanation.

Can you afford the 100 guests that you assume will actually come? If so, stick with the original plan. have you received feedback from guests since sending the save the dates? like have any verbally said anything like: 'sorry we can't make it, that's grandmas birthday'?

unfortunately there will be hurt feelings no matter what.

Is there anything else you can cut? Decorations, programs, favors, etc? Also were you planning on having a meal time reception? You could switch to doing a cake and punch reception during the afternoon!

If you are truly going down to 20 people, you might be able to make this work. Just keep in mind that OOT guests may have booked hotel rooms or flights that you don't know about, so you need to notify everyone ASAP. Be honest that you have decided to cancel the big wedding and have an immediate family wedding only.

I would also choose a different date for the more intimate ceremony.

Oooph, you have 20 people in both your immediate families? Immediate familly means parents and siblings, it does not mean nephews and nieces. I would not consider a 20-person wedding as having a private affair with immediate family unless you both have 8 siblings each.

I second going the cake and punch with your full guest list in the afternoon route suggested by Lynnie.

Most people have said this but there is no polite way. Now what you're saying makes sense and obviously you cant help if there has been a major financial set back. You will have to notify everyone and not just through the website. You need to call people and let them know you had to cancel the wedding due to finances and will just be having a private ceremony with your parents(no need to mention any others) then have your private ceremony.

But playing devils advocate a bit, if you've sent out you STD haven;t you already booked the major things for your wedding? Will the amount of money you lose canceling everything be worth it for what you save by not going through the original plan?