Do you feel guilty spending all this money?

I can't thank everyone enough for all these wonderful responses. It can be so helpful knowing your not the only one feeling a certain way. I really am looking forward to it and I know that we won't regret a thing. Thank you all again!!

I've felt this way ever since our focus shifted to house hunting. We are doing things affordably considering our high COL area but it is still A LOT of money!

View Quoted Comment This is me to a T! The other day I had a slight panic attack over how much it all costs.

Yes, and No-ish. My parents are paying a huge bulk of the wedding which will likely go up to about $50k, not something we really planned for, but as things have added on, we have kind of just said "ok, go with it." FI is contributing a good chunk, and I am some, but, yeah I do feel guilty sometimes. Then I check myself, and remind myself that we are inviting our families, friends, people from all of our pasts, present, future, to have a good and enjoyable time, to mingle, to become one big family in a sense. And in that mind, you can't put a price tag on it. Some may thing it is ridiculous, and I get it, but, on no other occasion in my life or my FH's life or parents' lives can we gather all these amazing people together to celebrate the one thing in life that is important: LOVE. So....excessive, yeah. Regrettable? Not really. It all depends on your outlook.

There was a day that I was feeling particularly awful about the amount or money we're spending on one day. Five hours really, when you think about it. Ouch. Well that day, I'd had a patient telling me how they'd eloped to Hawaii and spent 10 days there on $6k. I was sick to my stomach thinking about how that was half my budget, and we could have a week in Hawaii instead! Or we could buy new windows for our house. I came home that day and just happened across an article that said to stop comparing weddings to cars and whatever else you "could" spend that money on. A wedding is a celebration of your love for each other, and it's a thank you to all the loved ones who have and who will support you in your committment to each other. Say it's your friend's birthday. You may buy them dinner and a gift. You might even buy a new outfit to go out to celebrate with them. Think of the expense of the wedding as buying dinner and a gift for everyone you love.... just all at once.
It certainly helped me feel better about it all. My FH constantly telling me it's only money and we'll make more helps too.
Once it's all over, I know I'll be glad we had the wedding we wanted. Just have to keep that guilt in check until then.

View Quoted Comment Same here...2nd marriage and this time I want the experience I didn't get the 1st time around. Discussed with FH and he's totally on board. Staying within budget,but our love story deserves to be told with a little flair & we're gonna do that on our wedding day!

View Quoted Comment I can tell you how much I paid for pretty much every item in my house. No chance I forget how much we spent on the wedding, and I hate making every payment.

I feel guilty about the cost in the way that I think the money could be better used in another way - a charitable venture or even taking my parents on a trip (they're elderly and haven't traveled much). But I am fairly anti-consumerism and spending money on a bunch of stuff is not what I'm interested in. Not to mention that it would be totally hypocritical of me to spend thousands of dollars on a dress or on decor that will become trash. So the majority of our relatively small budget is focused on the experience rather than items. So, on one end I feel badly because it's pretty indulgent spending, but on the other hand, we're very frugal with the spending so we don't go overboard.

Its part of the life experience. The value it brings to your relationship, family, friends and future generations is worth it. I feel like it sets a good framework for your furture.

Yes! Well, not so much guilty as foolish. Part of me is like “What kind of idiot are you? You could have used this money for something else! You just HAD to have a big wedding!” Then the other part of me is like “You’re getting married ONCE in your life. You would regret not having the wedding of your dreams!”

I don’t think you’re being dramatic, I think it’s a natural feeling to have. I do wish sometimes that I could do a few things differently now, but oh well. I know that I’m going to remember my wedding forever.

View Quoted Comment My sister used lanterns for her wedding, we bought 50 from Ikea, and returned them the day after the wedding, just keep the receipt 🤷🏾‍♀️

View Quoted Comment This is making me feel better also, we are having two big weddings, being Nigerian, there's a Nigerian traditional wedding in December and we want a religious ceremony and reception in Europe next year, both weddings will cost us almost 90000 dollars, we are paying half of it and our parents are splitting the rest. It's a lot and I feel guilty all the time. But I don't think I'd rather do this any other way. It doesn't help that our taxes are ridiculously expensive

View Quoted Comment I think I understand your point, but it’s the marriage that’s the value, not the wedding. A courthouse ceremony and a picnic afterward brings just as much value to the relationship, future generations, etc. as a $25,000+ wedding does. Just because it holds value relevant to the future doesn’t give us an excuse to spend thousands of dollars.

I do lo I know exactly what you mean! I was so happy to find my dress for the price I did. I got lucky and bought a sample dress that was being discontinued. I paid $400, originally it was $1800..I wouldn't have paid that much for my dress just because that wasn't what I budgeted for but I also felt like omg that's so much money.

Don't worry yourself though!

I feel the same way. I don’t like spending so much money anyway. But I just keep thinking it’s a special day. That’s why we are doing a lot DIY since we will be paying for our wedding. And also finding other ways to save while wedding planning.

View Quoted Comment I don’t agree the life value is the same but that’s ok

I don't feel guilty, but I'm not dropping ungodly amounts of money on anything. I think the amount you feel comfortable spending should be different for everyone (because we all live in different areas, have different jobs, etc.), but for us, we weren't comfortable spending thousands of dollars on a party. I'm of the opinion that it will be special whether we have 30 people or 300, so we chose the former and haven't had any regrets. My dress was secondhand and I think $200ish but my mom paid for it, FH's outfit cost $60 total, my engagement ring was $300 and both the wedding bands combined were less than $100 -- and we weren't afraid to cut the guest list to make other things cheaper, too.

If you want a big party, don't feel guilty about buying what you want. But if you don't want a big party (like we didn't), don't feel guilty for not having one. It's your wedding -- spend what you're comfortable spending and cut the guest list to accommodate. It'll be a special day either way!

View Quoted Comment

You don't think it's just as valuable to elope as it is to have a big wedding? In what world does a bigger party set your future kids up better?

I somewhat do looking back at the totals. My parents have paid the majority and I think it's mainly feeling guilty about spending their money. Our wedding will be about $18k not counting ring or honeymoon which is high for my area. Looking back it makes me feel like it would've been better spent elsewhere, but I know it'll all be worth it. When I'm sitting at our table looking at our guests having a good time, I'm not going to think about the money spent.

View Quoted Comment For my core family and the relationships of my family and future family I don’t think eloping is as valuable. Every family is different but that’s me.

I feel the same way! It's insane how much things cost and how much money I'm putting towards the wedding. Especially in the back of the my head I think of what else that money could go to (a down payment on a house, get FH a new car etc.) but I want a nice wedding, and that's the price I have to pay.