Do you ever doubt your future spouse is the one?

I think in a way it is completely normal to feel this way. Just a note beforehand I suffer from GAD so I always completely over analyze my feelings and thoughts. Whenever a big change was about to occur in my life I always overthink things. I wouldn't say I ever doubt my FH is the one but just like you said I sometimes wonder what else is out there, but I think it's normal to feel this way sometimes. I would be worried if you didn't have a little worry marriage is a big deal and honestly a lot of people nowadays forget that. Right before I got engaged I had a feeling it was coming and although I wanted to marry FH I still had a panic attack and strongly doubted our future (now looking back I honestly believe it was a mixture of stress and fear of change, I was in school full time and working full time so I had a lot on my plate) I eventually told FH about the feelings I was having and it opened up so many doors and we had a long talk about it, we've been stronger as a unit ever since. Don't overthink your feelings, best of luck! (:

I have never doubted he is the one per say but I have to doubted if certain behaviors were something I could live with forever. Being married once before and ending in divorce marriage scared me because I wanted to make sure before taking the plunge again I knew it was real. I think you just need to evaluate your own situation and see if the little things that bother you are worth staying or if they are to much to handle.

I have questioned if I ever want to settle down. But I've never questioned if he's the one I want to do it with.

@OP my first marriage there we a lot of red flags, big issues, that I kept trying to explain away. I should have ended the relationship long before we ever got engaged. I tried everything to make it work but in the end I knew there we things I couldn't fix. When I met my FH I knew on our first date that he was the one. I've never been happier, we work together on everything, even when we're upset with each other at the end of the day I don't want anyone else. He has told me he is nervous, and forever is a long time, marriage is a huge commitment, so I get it. But he also says even though he is nervous he knows that he wants to be with me.

Absolutely take some time & figure things out! I've had too many friends who thought something wasn't right & ended up divorced less than a year later.

FH broke up with me after 6 months of dating. He said he was scared. Obviously we got back together, I never doubted he was the one. But he did. We've been together 3 years now.

I don't have doubts about the decision to be with FH forever, but sometimes I do doubt the whole institution/ concept of marriage. Sometimes I just get in a head space where it just seems silly and unnecessary to bind yourself under the law to another person. And this is coming from a fairly traditional person.. I think what you said about a feeling in your gut is key. You have plenty of time to fully explore your feelings and emotions before the wedding. Make sure you are communicating with FH too, it is unfair to not give them a chance to weigh in before a decision is made.

I go through it too lol just being stuck with someone like that...but then I Remember I'm most likely not going to find another guy that treat me the way my FH does.

As @lyla said, after we got engaged, I did had a couple of "CAN we really do this?" moments especially after seeing so many couples having major problems both before and after the "I do's" (yes, even after 14 years together I had that moment of doubt), but after talking to FH about a number of things, I believe I'm 100% doubt-free. One particular day, I was actually preparing myself to talk to him about this (I know I can get extremely emotional so I always make sure my thoughts are in order before anything else), we have a tradition, we always have a mid-afternoon snack right after I get off work and before he starts his, kind of a "we" moment, so, he set our coffees and cookies and when we sat down he started saying to me that he was thinking about the wedding and what he felt, and that he knew I had something in my mind and would tell him whenever I was ready. So, we started talking and it truly eased my mind, we put everything out there and really worked it out. I highly recommend for you two to talk, I still have... fears... not doubts, every once in a while, but I just make myself think about that conversation, and how it really is, I know we truly love each other (I mean... it should've been obvious since its been 14 years and we're still together after all, even with our difficult moods and after every single fight or spat we DO work things out)

From day 1 we knew that this was something different and possibly forever. Sometimes trust wavered. Some stuff that I wasn't sure if I could put up with forever. Or my stuff that he couldn't put up with forever, but we've found that with communication there's no reason to doubt each other. Thinking critically of your relationship isn't a bad thing. I know plenty of people who have broken up or divorced because the couldn't maintain the "we're the perfect couple" fascade.

ETA: going off of other posts. If there are big red flags that need to be "fixed" that is a major issue. You have to be on the same page.

I agree with everyone else. I've never doubted my fiance was the one but there are times i wonder if i can put up with some of his crap forever. But then I'll look at him or look at our engagement photos or photo's from when we first started dating and it honestly melts all the doubts away and reminds me why i feel in love with him in the first place. Don't sweat the small stuff cause like other said in the end if really doesn't matter.

Hey Sydney, I was thinking of you today so I came back and found this thread. I hope you are doing alright. I had one more piece of advice/idea you could implement if you aren't sure if this is cold feet or real doubt:

I'm generally a pretty happy person, but when I'm down/anxious, I'm extremely down and have trouble seeing the big picture. To combat this and force myself to look at the big picture, for about 3-4 months I wrote down how happy I was in my relationship with FH on a scale of 1 to 10 every single day in my planner. Then I averaged that out each month. When I was in a down mood, I would give our relationship 1s and 2s for a few days, but the vast vast majority of days were 8s and 9s. When I averaged it all out, my relationship happiness score was around 7.5 every month.

It sounds crazy, but it did make me realize that it was my anxiety/insecurity that was out of control and causing cold feet, not our relationship. And now, even though I don't rate our relationship anymore, when I am having a bad day, I am much better at looking at the big picture and saying, "It's a bad day in a good relationship." And to be honest, I don't think we've had a day that would qualify as a 1, 2, or even 3 since I finished that exercise! If you're having trouble discerning whether you have cold feet or real doubts, maybe this exercise could help you too.

In the beginning of our relationship I didn't think we would make it. He was dealing with a ton of unmedicated mental health issues. But I stuck it out. Our relationship during that time was volatile at best. But we weathered the storm and are stronger for it now. He's my best friend. I couldn't ask for a better partner or dad to our children. I'm glad I stuck it out. It would be a regret now if I hadn't.

Never.

I don't doubt that he is "my person" and that we can make it work, but the thought of forever scares the crap out of me in all contexts! It's when I think about the far future that I freak out a bit: what if he has dementia and I am responsible for his care? What if something happens to ME and he can't deal with it? What if we lose everything? And I realize I can't do that. All I can do is be in the moment with this amazing, loving man who wants me to be happy. If we are both committed to our love for each other and keep a "team" mindset, we can make it through anything.

Sydney I have a different take on this... I never doubted DH was the one, but there was a period of time where he was not meeting my (and my daughter's) needs, so we actually broke up. 6 months later, we were talking and he admitted he was an idiot who realized how good he had it once we were gone. That was all it took. I've always loved him and always wanted to marry him, but he needed a kick in the ass to realize how to function in a relationship (Small backstory: he'd never really had a relationship longer than 6 months or so, and never lived with someone, so there was never a need for compromise or communication).

This may be something that happens for you, or it may not be. A lot of times we don't know what we have till it's gone- think about breaking your dominate arm. You use it every day, take it for granted, but once you can't use it, you realize how much you love it and really need it.

Keep an open mind about things (which it sounds like you are doing) and listen to yourself. I did, and our break up was the best thing that could have happened in our relationship. It forced us to examine ourselves more closely and admit our faults and weaknesses. When we got back together, it was still a struggle to work on those things, but we did, and we still do, and it makes us better. Now I'm extremely happy, and I truly wish you nothing but the best. You know what's best for you, and we're here to help in any way you need!

We have been through hell in our lives, both together and separately, and there are moments when I do not feel like I have the strength to hang in there for another person one minute longer. There are moments when I am terrified of every unexpected life event that can change a person in unknown ways, possibly forever. Neither of us has had great examples of marriages to follow so figuring out what is healthy for us feels like stumbling around in the dark sometimes. I am trying to break a terrible habit of looking at other people and thinking their relationships and lives look so much easier than ours so we must be doing it all wrong - but logically I know I'm never seeing the whole picture.

You're always taking a chance when you commit your life to someone. None of us have a crystal ball.

I think these types of fears are (relatively) normal given my past and personality. That said, little things don't bother me unless I'm stressed about something big. In general, I find that when insignificant details about a person (their bad habits, etc) start to annoy me, it's because I need space from that person, or just rest / alone time. Maybe you just need to take a little time for yourself. Either way, taking time for yourself will give you some clarity. Listen to your instincts.

Thank you so much everyone for all the supportive comments. I think I have to go with my gut and trust myself, but at the same time I want to truly take my time making such a big decision.

Thankful for WW during times like this. Who needs friends when you have the internet?

Just stopping in to say that this is one of the best and most real things I've read on WW. I think the thing I've learned most while being engaged is to carve time out to reflect on the relationship: past, present, and future. I had to grow into the love I feel for FH (I was single and loving it when he came to my life). I think I've grown in my maturity because of him. If you were to ask him, he always knew I was it for him. I doubt sometimes, but it's like what others have said--Doubting how massive this endeavor is. "Til death do us part" is a long ass time.

Kudos, @Sydney, and I hope you find peace of mind no matter what.

I just want to add that the whole idea that there's someone out there that will sweep you off of your feet is nonsense. Honestly, yes, there were a few times that I asked myself what the hell I was getting myself into. However, at the end of the day, I did always know that my DH was the one. I think it's normal to have those feelings, even after you're married. The important thing is your commitment to making it work. You have to be committed to making your SO "the one," to see through all the little things they do that annoy you & remember the things that drew you in to begin with. ETA - spelling