Do you ever doubt your future spouse is the one?

Hang in there.

No, I never doubted. I actually knew when I met FH that he was the one, and I was dating someone else at the time.

I have never doubted that he is the one but I have doubted if certain behaviors were things I was willing to put up with for decades. "Till death do us part" magnifies everything and makes it all seem so much more daunting so that gave me pause. But in the end, he's the only one I imagine growing old with it and he treats me like a queen so I can't complain outside of normal relationship stuff.

I hope premarital counseling helps you both. It's ok if walking away is what you determine is best. The transition from "in love" to "in life" is a difficult one and you need to be sure.

No. I always knew he was the one

I think what you are going through is normal, or maybe we both are crazy lol. In all seriousness, I was in your shoes and it took me talking to someone to realize why I was having those thoughts. Every relationship is different and every couple has to figure out what's right for them. I applaud the people who have never had doubt, but I don't think that you should ignore your thoughts either. It's a lifetime you are promising someone. Seeking a life coach helped us and maybe that could work for you as well, just do what you feel is right and everything will work out.

Sydney, I struggled with a similar feeling before my wedding. We called it "death by 1,000 cuts". It was never one big thing but a number of little things. Firstly, I have always had a big problem with making serious decisions and second guessing myself. Also, the wedding planning was putting a huge strain on our relationship and magnifying all the little annoying things. I found myself second guessing everything. We even postponed our wedding once, almost twice. In the end we were married on 2/24/17 and I have to say, it was the best decision I have ever made. The stress melted away and our relationship has been as rock solid as ever since. Do we still disagree? Yes. Do we still argue? Of course! In the end though, I am happy with my choice and he is too. For us, we now find it easier to let go of the little things because is it really going to matter in a day, week, or month? Probably not. We pick and choose our battles more wisely and we are no longer living under the "death by 1,000 cuts" motto. Try reading "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman...and definitely have some wine and maybe get a facial and massage

Like A.L I knew from the beginning I knew my FH was the one. Three weeks later I told my father I was gonna marry this man. Look at us now.

Like Melissa, the whole death do us part when I think about it really hits me. I actually opened up to my mom about it this weekend. I don't know if I doubt if he is the one. I love my FH with everything I have but I look at the whole picture and Im like oh my lord 50 years, 60 years, 70, years is a extremely long time how am i to spend that long with one person. Because like you OP my fiance and I have had more than our fair shares of ups and downs and I mean big ones. But like you also said whateveryone considers to be big or normal is different.

You have to ask yourself whats important to you and him and if you know you can make it 50 years even if it seems crazy.

I'm glad you posted this because it is 'taboo' I suppose. I think it is completely normal to have doubts. In fact, not having any doubts would worry me. Any major decision should be thought about fully, meaning there will be some 'cons'!! No one wants to be divorced so I think its really smart to listen to your intuition and acknowledge all feelings and thoughts that might come up. I am sure everything will work out for you.

If you've never had ANY kind of doubt, you probably don't know your SO that well. I think if you have doubts like "I don't trust him... I think he may cheat on me" that's a whole other issue, but you said no major red flags. I've definitely had moments where I'm like "can I really spend the rest of my life with a man who chews THIS LOUDLY?!" but any rationale person can recognize no human is 100% perfect.

I don't believe in "the one". I believe in making a choice to invest love, commitment and energy in a person who proves they are worth that. Statistically, there are probably a lot of people out there who could fill that role, but I'm very happy with FH so I don't want anyone else.

I think you need to ask yourself if you are genuinely happy enough with your FH and, if so, can you realistically imagine staying that way? It's okay to wonder from time to time about paths not taken; it's another thing to want to be taking them. This probably isn't something you're going to sort out overnight, but it would be a good idea to really give it as much thought as you can. Is this relationship good enough to invest all your future love and care in?

Umm.. I mean he'll make me crazy every once in a while, but I never thought, "OMG maybe this isn't for me." I just can't imagine my life without him. Can you imagine yourself without him?

I have never doubted my relationship with my FH, I love him dearly and look forward to the rest of our lives!

However, some people do have the feeling of doubt, it's not uncommon. Definitely talk with him about these feelings. The premarital council will help with this and should be beneficial!

Thanks everyone for the kind responses.

I think in my gut I just feel like something isn't right. I owe it to myself to figure out what I want out of a relationship, a marriage, and my life. The hardest part is that sometimes I question if there's someone else out there better suited for each of us. That hurts to think about, but sometimes I think it's true.

I have always known I was going to marry this man, but at the same time I have questioned if I was making the right decision. My FH suffers from bipolar and while he is stable now and has been for a number of years now... I have seen him be hospitalized and institutionalized from this disorder.. also he has basic issues with things like hygiene and home/car cleanliness issues... but I know these are just his disorder and the medication is great for him, but I know that I am signing up to possibly watch him go through really bad swings and maybe have to be hospitalized once again. Though I know I love him and I will gladly marry him in 100 days.

As my therapist put it: Anyone who is getting married and doesn't have any doubts is blind to the realities of marriage.

Did I have major doubts once we got engaged? Yes. I see unhappy marriages and divorces all around. I don't know a single couple our age who doesn't cheat on each other. So, naturally, my mind would go straight to "OMG can I marry someone who cuts his nails in the sink/watches this much tv/makes this many jokes/slept with lots of women/doesn't tell me I'm beautiful 10x a day." It could be anything to set me off—from a tiny annoyance to a big fight. This continued for about a month for me. Then after a lot of self-reflection, I realized that I was being a commitment-phobe and making mountains out of molehills. Those things didn't bother me before engagement. And now that I'm out of that cold feet phase, they don't bother me now. So perhaps you just need to work through these feelings before you plan the wedding. It's not about finding a perfect person or "the one" IMO, it's about finding someone you can really share a life and family with.

Oh... I also got back on anxiety meds. That helped too

@lyla, with all due respect, I think your therapist is wrong. You can be totally aware of the difficulties of marriage (FH and I have lived together for 9 years) and not have any doubts about marrying that person.

@A.L. I don't think he meant it literally. He said it more as a joke when I was worried about having doubts.

I have not doubted it. There are obviously things I wish he would change but they're not major issues and I know he's my lobster.

I agree with @Delfina -- I don't believe in soulmates. I believe that love is a CHOICE you make every day. I felt an instant chemistry when I met DH, and he said the same thing -- that we each knew right away that something about this person was special/different. But almost 7 years later (and 2 year of marriage), there are times that this man annoys me to NO end. When life gets you tired or stressed, love and intimacy can be hard. But could I really imagine my life without him? No, I don't think so! The best love advice I ever got was from my mom, who has been happily married to my dad for over 32 years. She said, "I haven't always liked your father, but I've always loved him". That's what I keep in mind!

I never had a doubt... some thing bug me but I know I will be happy forever

I haven't had any doubts in the past few years, but about a year after dating I had doubts. My issue wasn't him, my doubts were more in myself and not feeling worthy. FH comes from a very wealthy family, I didn't realize this until I met his family for the first time at about 7 months of dating. We live in TN and his family lives in Seattle. I got very overwhelmed the first time meeting his family. Fights started soon after that and we decided to go to therapy, after a few weeks of couples therapy our therapist started seeing just me for a while because she felt like I was having a hard time expressing my feelings. After about 3 months of therapy, I had made a lot of progress and she started seeing both of us again and we went for a few more weeks. After that, we have been a pretty solid couple.