Do you ever doubt your future spouse is the one?

Yes! Lol. In the beginning. We have such an intense relationship. We laugh our asses off. We'll argue.. we'll party.. we'll cry together.. it was so up and down that I used to question it. He made me feel feelings I never felt. The good and bad. He never did me wrong. Ultimately, we just wanted the best for eachother, and that made us happy. Years later I realized he was the one. We experienced so much together. And still are deeply in love.

It's definitely bigger than things that simply annoy me, like leaving the TV on or being messy. It's more serious than that. Sometimes I just think we are too different, but FH argues that opposites attract... I on the other hand am not so sure about that.

@sydney I believe opposites attraction. They balance eachother. However, it can be a bit scary. Well for me it was. I am calm, collective, go by routine, and am reserved. FH is so spur of the moment, its crazy. But that's what I learned to appreciate.

I like @Lillys advice. If I'm being honest (this is mildly embarrassing), I was re-introduced to FH and my sole interest in him was sexual. I was single, home from college on winter break, and met him by chance. We joke privately that it is our "one night stand that went wrong".. as here we are almost 6 years later planning a damn wedding.

Sometimes I laugh because there is no way I ever imagined things working out this way 6 years ago. Then I realize I can't imagine my life without him in it anymore. I also can't picture my future without him a part of it. Somewhere along the way, an idiotic 23 year old making questionable decisions about her own life and sexual partners turned into two 28 year olds with successful careers, who own a home together and who are the best friends, dog parents, and soon to be married.

There are times FH drives me fucking nutty. He does the most annoying things sometimes. We also fight sometimes. It happens to most couples. But we talk through it; our relationship is bigger than one fight.

I'm glad you are in counseling; its really important that you are emotionally and mentally comfortable with the progression of you and FHs relationship. @Delfina gave great advice too, as did many others. Keep your head up OP.

I don't believe there's one. I am choosing to spend the rest of my life. I don't doubt that FH is the one I want to try to stay with. If we try our hardest and it doesn't work I'm sure I'll meet another. Listen to your instincts. If there is a voice telling you it's not right then put plans on hold until you are more sure of your choice.

Before I got married the first time, I had doubts (so did a few people around me). I just kept rationalizing and ignored. The marriage was disastrous to say the least. This time, I have ZERO doubt that I have found the love of my life! It's completely different. Peaceful. Simple. Fun. Even when we disagree, I feel like I am the most loved woman in the universe.

If you have a sensible, supportive person in your circle, it may help to talk through your doubts. I would not simply just dismiss them. If you address them and work through them, you will be able to relax and look forward to your big day...doubt free! Good luck!

Nope DF has def showed me he is the one.

I don't believe in 'the one' either. For me it was about do we bring out the best in each other? I've been in relationships before where we just didn't. I've never doubted that I love my fiance. I have doubted whether we are compatible enough to last 50 or 60 years. But every time a thing has come up where I think, "oh God, can I live with this forever?" the answer has been yes. I think asking those questions (do we bring out the best in each other? and can I live with [insert annoying quirk here]?) are really important.

ETA: sometimes it's been about more that annoying quirks if I'm being honest. Some of our world-views are pretty different, but the answer to 'can I live with that?' has still kept being yes. So I guess I'm saying good for you for being open to figuring out if this is right for you. It's hard and scary.

I loved my exSO & truly thought we'd marry one day. But towards the end, I was so miserable (like crying myself to sleep a few times a week-miserable). I saw that we'd never have a life together/we would only have HIS life. On paper...he would have been 'the one'.

With FH...we are both crazy opposite of each other; but...we work thru things.. We move forward...together. Of course we love each other, respect & care for each other. Respecting each other's differences will go a long way.

Like some other PP, I don't believe there is always just 'one' for each of us (if there were...how do you explain widows remarrying?

@Robynne; What you described... peaceful. Simple. Fun. I wish I could say we had that. When we do, it doesn't last but for a few days, maybe a couple weeks.

Thankfully we haven't made any plans for the wedding. Not even a venue. I've been putting it off, for said obvious reasons. I'm very glad I don't have to worry about that, with all this hanging over my head.

I have never had doubts whether he was the one for me or not. But I have doubted standing the test of time so to speak. FH and I have lived together a few years so we already do a lot of the hard stuff (finances, chores, family events, etc.) so that doesn't bother me. I think it is scary knowing that anything can happen at any time and change everything. There is divorce, affairs, death, etc. around us all of the time and it is hard to see past that "norm" that exists. But remember, marriage is a happy thing! Forget statistics and so forth and focus on you and your spouse. If you believe you can/and want to conquer all those little annoyances/flags you mentioned, you will find a way to do it.

Stay strong, keep up with the counseling and communicate with your FS so they know your feelings and concerns.

I dobt think i have doubted it as much as there have been things abd i said if it continued we cant be together. But i talk to him when something like that came up and we are good. (I am talking in the beginning things like how he would raise his voice to my kid) . I would tell him my issues and visa vera and we would fix them. But if you have a gut feeling listen to it!!!

@sydney, dont worry if you will find another. If it doesbt feel right then it isnt! The right one is out there somewhere for you. No not all relationships are happy and fun all the time. They are work abd frustrating and you want to scream sometimes. But in the end of the day you dont want to think about life without them.

I think many PP's have put it perfectly. I don't believe in "the one" and if I did I would drive myself crazy wondering if I found him. I think you fall in love but you must choose to love each other every day. I guess after a fight I've thought to myself "I don't wanna fight about this forever" but at the end of the day I can say that nothing has happened to make me doubt that well have a happy and healthy marriage. I know I don't want anyone else.

My parents have been married 45 years and I think the best advice I've ever gotten is from my mom, who told me the butterflies don't last. She said this when I was dating my ex and 2 1/2 years in I said I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I just "was." I expected a fairy tale, I expected nonstop butterflies and cloud nine feelings. That's not real life.

I'm happy with FH. He drives me insane sometimes, as do I with him, but overall I'm happier with him than without. I also don't believe in soulmates, ie if I lived in china and he lived here, would I be single forever bc my soulmate was in the US? No.

Most people have doubts I think, like "omg I hate this (habit), can I really deal with this?" But no one is perfect!

If something is bothering you, and you plan on marrying him, you need to say it. I know way too many people who keep things bottled up and it drives them to not good places. In a mature way, tell your FH what's concerning you. My FH and I are very very different and some days are not easy but we both know at the end of the day that we are absolutely, 100% in love with one another and want to spend the rest of our lives together. Relationships are work! not always, but there will be times. I think you being in therapy is smart and counseling is a good way to go as well. Good luck!!!

I've known since before we started dating (we met in jr high) that he was the man I was going to marry. Even so, I've still had doubts. It's a big decision! It's very natural to question these things. I'm glad to hear you're seeking counseling. Strangers on the internet won't know the degree of concern like someone sitting across from you. Best wishes!

@Mrs. Fall Bride, we celebrated our 2 year anniversary in March, and we got engaged in December. We were friends for about 4 years before we started dating.

No I never doubted it and either did FH. we have been through a lot of horrible stuff together and every time we just came out stronger. This is cheesy but we tell each other all the time how we could have had other relationships but they never would've worked out and we would have found each other eventually because we are one of the same. We were each others first love and I wouldn't change a single thing.

Best wishes to you!

Sydney you're feeling perfectly normal feelings but at the same time, they shouldn't be lasting feelings. If you've felt doubt more often than you've felt happy and peaceful, that's a red flag.

I highly recommend going to counseling by yourself, too. If this isn't simply cold feet, at least you will be able to know for sure if you know yourself a little better.