Do you ever doubt your future spouse is the one?

@Lilly oddly enough, I never had any doubts like this before we got engaged. I guess everything just feels more heightened, more serious now. I am in therapy, actually, and I'm SO thankful for it. If I wasn't in therapy, I don't think I'd even have the courage or skills to acknowledge and dive into these feelings.

I told my therapist the other day that I always want my decisions to be in tune with what I want and who I want to be. This scenario definitely puts that to the test.

I'll definitely admit we got engaged too soon. I don't know why we felt such a rush. We were basically like "I love you, you love me, let's do it!" Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose.

I have doubt for no reason. I think of being permanently away from my family and becoming closer to his.(my family lives in a different state)

Well, the good thing is, engaged isn't married. Saving money for a wedding isn't the only reason to have a long engagement. I think it's good that you are questioning and in therapy and I'm sure your couples counseling will be immensely helpful.

For the record, I had many, many doubts with my first husband. For good reason too, cause we were so ill suited for each other it wasn't even funny, but I was young and got caught up in the "love will conquer all" crap instead of understanding what it really took to have a long lasting, healthy relationship. I got divorced, raised my son and worked on myself for all of my 30's, learning how to be me and not lose myself in a relationship. After being single ten years, I walked into a bar to watch a hockey game and met the most amazing man. Does he make me crazy sometimes? Yes. So crazy I think I don't want to be with him? Never. (I might make him that crazy, though!) He feels like home and he has since the second time he kissed me (the first time I was so nervous I messed it up!) He also respects me, is trustworthy, and kind, and sweet, and so grateful to have me he shows me everyday.

I think having doubts is normal! My FH and I obviously fight and he does some things that drive me insane. But I get wondering if there could be someone better for your significant other. My FH is seriously the funniest, kindest guy. Everyone who meets him likes him. I'm not joking! It really makes me question things at times and wonder if found some that worked with him better. But, I couldn't imagine life without him. Our first date lasted 12 hours because there was that crazy chemistry and we couldn't stop talking.

After a failed marriage, and walking away from two long term relationships, I didn't believe in "the one". In fact I mocked and made fun of dreamers and their soulmate chatter. I was also resigned to the fact that I would likely settle for mediocrity or be alone. Until I met FH. It was instantaneous and unstoppable and I can honestly say that I have absolutely zero doubts this time around. My thoughts on the one have changed. Not every finds their one, and maybe there is more than one, one. But I can say without pause that I've found the person who is my other half and will make the best partner in life I could imagine.

If you're having doubts... don't ignore them. I would also see a therapist on your own.

I had some red flags when we got engaged I wish I had listened too. My H is a great man, don't get me wrong. There is no cheating, no abuse. He's kind and caring. But he's not for me as a husband. It's like we just are business partners. We run a household like no ones business but the love, affection, tenderness? It's not there. And it's not coming.

I wish we had hashed that all out before getting married because it's hurting us now.

I'm sorry to hear that @NowASeptMrs.. I'll definitely take heed to your warning. I've really been trying my hardest to think through this clearly and honestly, and I am working with a great therapist.

No, I knew he would be the one from the beginning. My attraction to him aside: he is a good man, a man I would want to raise my children, he has a good family, a good job - and he is just really great to be around. I don't have any doubts that we will make it- but I'm also very prepared for it to be difficult at times.

I've been with FH 8 years already. Since we were 14. Never been with anyone else. We've never had a break or broken up, and we now have a 1 year old daughter.

That being said, there's times where you wonder what else could be, that if this is really the person you are meant to be with, and other things like going through waves of intimacy and lack thereof, financial issues and stress getting to you guys. It's all normal. the important part about love is that it's not just this warm fuzzy feeling all the time, or never having a single doubt they're the one. It's choosing them time and time again even when it's rough (and I don't mean in times of abuse, neglect, cheating or the like, those are not normal and unacceptable). It's coming back together after a fight and knowing how to say sorry, how to solve things together instead of turning against each other. All those things matter. Love and relationship is a conscious effort, an uphill climb, and it is one that should bring you happiness more than not.

That's where you have to decide, is this something that makes you happy? If the doubts are loud and recurrent and you find yourself increasingly unhappy, first thing is to do counseling. If that doesn't help, then it may be time to rethink it. Sorry for the novel

I had doubts about my exH that I never addressed, and sadly they were all realized once we had been married awhile. He's a wonderful person in many ways and I miss his friendship, but I do see now that I should have listened to myself from the start and at least tried to address some things with him.

I was afraid of running our relationship by talking about my doubts, but looking back, if just having the conversation would have ruined things then I shouldn't have been in the relationship anyways. Maybe we could have worked it out if we had addressed our problems 6 years earlier, maybe not.

With my FH, I doubt sometimes my ability to be good enough for him. He is amazing in so many ways and I'm pretty darn average. I never doubt him or his commitment to us though.

Yeah ... I'm going to be the odd one out. I broke an engagement because of the death by 1000 cuts thing. Overall after years it added up to a lot of resentment (almost 2 year engagement). In the end it was for the best. I will be marrying a different guy, my best friend, and someone I have never doubted I would end up with. While I'd like to think it would have ended up okay eventually I had to go with my gut.

I never questioned my love for my husband BUT I doubted a few times when we were engaged if we were doing the right thing or doing it at the right time, and it's perfectly normal. What one person considers to be doubt another person might not categorize it that way which is why I think there is such a huge line between people saying "never" and others saying "sometimes." It is subjective.

My grandmother is a counselor and said this is totally normal--she said it's less normal to not ever question it (her opinion, not a fact). It's a huge commitment and major life decision so naturally we will be wanting to be sure we're doing the right thing. It's important to remember that loving someone is a choice--you are choosing to love someone despite their faults and flaws, and it's normal to consider "can I really put up with FH's [xyz] behavior my whole life?" (because the old saying is true, you can't change someone) so I definitely wouldn't worry. It's normal. Even right after we were married we had some difficult times (largely due to unmet expectations--we eventually communicated and resolved those and are closer than ever now) but that is also VERY common. But that doesn't mean we don't love each other, or choose each other everyday, or that we have problems in our marriage or will end up divorced. Marriage is a lot of work, even from the getgo.

If it's something serious, try to get to the bottom of it with your therapist. They should be able to unearth any feelings you have that are difficult for you to decipher on your own. Good luck, OP!

I've doubted myself and if our relationship will work out because of me. I deal with severe anxiety and depression and I just don't want him to feel like this is all he is going to get out of life. He hasn't had any relationship before me and so all his first experiences are with me. He is always honest and open and he admits he struggles sometimes but he is patient and he tries to be supportive even if it is tough. When I don't have episodes I am genuinely happy and I ask him often if he is and he always says yes. I wonder what I did to deserve this but I wouldn't leave him for anything. He is willing to support me and be with me if or shall I say when I decide it is time to get some help.

In the end you have to think "Does this person really make me happy?"

Honestly, there are moments I wonder. He is the only man I seriously dated after my divorce. At times there are things he does that make me want to stay single, but like you said, not one big red flag issue. He's never cheated, lied, been abused, just annoying at times. But then I remember why I love him. I'll hear him playing with the dog, or he'll drive me lunch down because I'm too busy to get out to get something. I remember how he was there for me when my dad died. So it balances out. Nobody's perfect, I take some of the annoying things like the comment tonight when I got home frustrated looking for something for the engagement party "I can have an outfit in 5 minutes" (yeah because I buy your clothes for you) to get the good morning beautiful.

I knew back as a kid when I had a huge crush on him that he was the one. I've never doubted it once. Even when he makes me mad.

I knew he was The One and never doubted. Everyone has their own thoughts and glad to hear you will and are in counseling. It's a huge decision that shouldn't be taken lightly...

I just wanted to applaud you for working through this. Like Fall Bride said, so many people would just ignore those feelings.

I believe in following that feeling in your gut if it persists. Someone once told me this and I remembered it when I met FH: "look at the person you're thinking about spending the rest of your life with. Take into account the good things and the bad things. Say nothing about that person never changed for the remainder of your life, would you still want to be with that person." I could never say yes to that question before my FH. That's how I knew he was the person I wanted to do life with. If he never changed any of his habits, I would still choose him again and again.

I don't believe in the concept of The One. Whether destiny played a role in meeting him, compromise, communication and a lot of patience helped us become more loving to one another.

I will say though that in the first 4-6 months from our first date, I knew I wanted to grow old with him.

I love that you were incredibly brave to post this! I have absolutely felt this way. For similar reasons to you! My FH and I had a relationship in high school and it was extremely rocky (we were crazy high school kids). We separated, grew up, dated other people and then reconnected. We have had to work a ton on our relationship. Now we have two children and I hate to say we're stuck in this relationship because of that but I will say we certainly work harder at our relationship because of that. Either way I'm excited to spend this adventure with him. Are there things that absolutely drive me crazy about him? Omg yes. But either way I think we are committed. You definitely owe it to yourself (and him) to do some soul searching that may hurt! But above all your happiness is imperative.