Destination Wedding - Feeling Inconsiderate

It’s great that you care so much, but destination weddings are common. If your guests can’t afford it or don’t want to pay the money for whatever reason they’ll just RSVP no. It may be helpful for you to make recommendations for inexpensive lodging. Other than that, if you can’t do more that’s okay. Just be understanding when guests decline.

Well, your guests would have about a year and a half to plan, if you make a decision soon, and get STD's out! I don't think it's inconsiderate, especially since everyone you spoke with when you tossed out the idea seemed to be on board.

When you say 'we can’t afford to pay for their rooms or flights or additional “take everyone (approx 50) out to dinner”", do you mean you can't afford to feed them for the reception? If so, I would elope. You don't ask people to travel for your wedding and not feed them.

Whoever wants to come will make the effort to!

Don’t overthink it, if they couldn’t afford to attend then they wouldn’t. Are you providing catering after the wedding?

It’s tacky to ask people to travel for your wedding and then not even host a meal.

Do you mean that you wouldn't be having a reception at all? If so, I agree with PP that it would be better to elope. Definitely feed your guests for going abroad for your wedding.

Destination weddings have only become a major thing in the last couple of decades. They were considered unpopular and rude back in the day because most everyone married the kid next door in their hometown and never left (so everyone was in town anyway--no need for travel). They're way common now, but they're in a bit of a gray area as far as etiquette is concerned: mainly because they take more of the financial burden off the couple (hence, their popularity), but they place that burden back on the guests.

If everyone is legitimately on board for a destination wedding and you can afford to host everyone properly (i.e., have some kind of reception after the ceremony), then it shouldn't be a problem at all. However, this is why guest counts are muuuuuch smaller for DW. Honestly, just like with any other wedding, the best thing you can do here is cut your guest list. 50 is a LOT for a DW. If you could select 25-30 people to invite, you'll probably end up having maybe 15-20 people, and that would be much more manageable.

I don’t think this is inconsiderate at all! Destination weddings are super common these days. If guests can afford to go, they will; if not, they won’t. I think it was very considerate of you to request no gifts in light of the added expenses of the wedding. As far as the meal goes... are you talking about providing a meal in addition to the reception meal?

You need to have some sort of meal. You can do an early morning ceremony and a brunch reception. Or a full dinner. But you have to do something.

If you haven't yet, I'd pencil out the best estimate of what it will cost the typical guest to attend (per person airfare, other transportation, room and resort fees/taxes/etc., and if it's not an all-inclusive resort some budget for food). When you have a dollar estimate, talk with key people (not just older parents whose travel budgets might be more flexible, but your "recently married/just started a new job/have kids in school/etc." friends, siblings, cousins, etc. about whether it will be realistic for them to spend that amount of money to attend a wedding.

There have been several posts recently from brides/couples who were disappointed that guests initially were very enthusiastic about their DW plans, but then when it was actually time to book, many cancelled out. It's easy to be in favor a big trip in THEORY, but sometimes the reality just doesn't work. If you'll be disappointed if important people cannot attend, it's better to know that sooner than later. If after those conversations, the critical people are still in, and it's what you want, then go for it.

Any of your guests that accept the invitation to your wedding will be aware of the costs. DW are pretty common now days. It is nice that you are concerned because yes, it will be expensive for all attending but it won't be a surprise. They don't have to book anything if they can't afford it so prepare yourself for people backing out or not being able to come.

If everyone is on board, then I think it's fine especially if you plan to expect any of those things that cost money.

I don't think it's absurd to get married elsewhere and expect p to be able you afford to follow you...to watch you get married. Buuuut if you are you u should take care of as much as possible.

I do I meant.

Destination is very common. And it’s often not for personal indulgence (like tot o travel destination). You work in City A but are originally from City B and went to school in City C and worked for 3 years in City D before moving to City A. And your FS probably has the same situation. A lot of couples have friends and family who are spread all over the country. Most guests end up having to travel anyway.


That said, you are expected to host a reception after the ceremony. If you cannot, just elope by yourselves and don’t invite guests. I would not invite people and and then not host at least one meal.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input everyone, it’s appreciated. And just to clarify, we will absolutely be hosting a wedding and a reception with dinner and open bar for our guests. I meant an additional dinner, like a welcome dinner- “thanks for coming” in addition to hosting the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Good advice. Thanks!

View Quoted Comment I see, good to hear! If you can’t host a dinner or brunch the day before/after, perhaps a free (or paid by attendee) activity you guys could do together? Like a hike nearby or sunset yoga? Game night or afternoon at a common area in the resort and bring some board games to play? Or even just a casual brunch the next morning, something like A and B will be having breakfast at C restaurant between 10-12. Stop by and say hi! Menu can be found here - and link to a menu with prices so people know they will have to pay for food.

View Quoted Comment I love that idea! Thanks!

View Quoted Comment Agreed. We are hosting the wedding and reception with dinner, open bar - sorry I wasn’t very clear in my post. I meant not hosting an additional dinner on top of this.