Destination Wedding - Feeling Inconsiderate

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you need to hold an additional dinner. I’ve been to 2 destination weddings and other than the rehearsal dinners and weddings, they didn’t host any additional events and that was fine with me.

If it's that big a concern, why not have your wedding locally and honeymoon in Cabo?

View Quoted Comment It’s a good suggestion. We’ve thought of this, it’s actually not off the table; we’ve got some time. However, with a local wedding we run the risk of our guest list exploding and now concerned about hurting people’s feelings who don’t get an invite. We both have large families and pretty extensive friend circle. With a destination wedding it’s easier to say immediate family and a few very close friends and people (hopefully) won’t be hurt by that. Seems like no way around offending someone.

No need to feel inconsiderate at all--this is typical of destination weddings. Have you started looking at venues yet? Many all-inclusive resorts in Mexico offer a complimentary 'extra' event for destination weddings. When we attended our friends' destination wedding in Cancun, the resort offered a free "welcome cocktail party" the night before the wedding as part of their package. I believe the deal was that they needed 30 guests to stay in the resort to get the free cocktail party. Anyway, an extra event isn't really necessary, but my point is to check the deals/packages with the various resorts to see what they have to offer

I think that people should not have to pay multiple weeks, or a month of pay, to attend or participate in any wedding. Marry locally ( to as many important people as you can.) Then go to Cabo. Or marry in Cabo, without guests. Then have a local reception when you get home. It is not right to shift your costs to guests, making them go so far, then not even treating them to a full meal out, and some event or entertainment for all.

View Quoted Comment So if I get this right, you are willing to run an enormous expense to the closest people to you, to discourage people from coming, because you don't want to say to some "Sorry, but we are having a small wedding within our budget." I think every person who cannot come because of cost will be mad . And most you do invite, who come, will be mad unless you treat them to meals and at least some activity, which you cannot afford. Wow, you can offend everybody with one simple plan. 🙂 Or find an inexpensive space, have at least a dessert and coffee afterward, or a simple reception meal, for the limited number you can afford. And you know, those who are disappointed will still all understand that it is important not to go into debt for a wedding. So though disappointed, they won't resent what you did long term. Much better that having those who can't go, and those who do, feel resentful. Small list. Nearly Free spaces are around .

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the tip! I’ll look into that!

We’re doing a “destination” wedding near Jackson Hole, WY, which is our absolute dream wedding. All my FH’s family lives in Florida (my family lives in SD, MT, and WY) and they will have to spend some money to get up here. They’re all completely excited about it and plan to make a weeks vacation out of it. But there’s not a lot of airports in the area that are cheap to fly into and they’ll have to get a rental car. I can’t help but feel really bad about all the money they’ll have to spend and we can’t afford to pay for flights or anything either. They keep assuring me that it’s okay and they would do everything they could to be there for our wedding. So I completely understand how you feel. We’re not having a shower or asking for gifts either, and we just want them to be there. I think if you gave them enough notice, they’ll be able to save and make plans to be there. Try not to stress about it too much! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment That is exactly what I thought you meant in your original post. By no means is it necessary for you to host an additional dinner to the reception. The reception dinner (and open bar, yay!) is your thank you to your guests for taking the time to attend your wedding. On top of the fact you are requesting no gifts, I’d say you are being a gracious host. Have so much fun at your destination wedding!!

View Quoted Comment Could not disagree with this (or the negative tone of it) more. Nobody is FORCING anybody to attend this wedding. A wedding is about the two people getting married. These two people have chosen their dream wedding, which happens to not be local. They are extending the INVITATION to those closest to them to attend. If someone cannot afford to go, then they cannot afford to go. It’s simple as that. They are hosting a ceremony and reception with a full meal and open bar. They have also requested no gifts due to the added expenses of those who have CHOSEN to travel for their wedding. As a guest, I would never expect the couple to pay for additional meals for me, or foot the bill for my entertainment during their wedding weekend (destination or not). That screams greedy and entitled. This is a wedding, not a family reunion. There is absolutely zero reason to feel pressured into inviting every single member of both families. And there is absolutely zero pressure for those invited to have to accept said invitation.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Ally, nice to know I’m not alone in my concerns. Good luck to you too, sounds like your day is going to be perfect!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I appreciate your support all around