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VIP September 2017

Court house wedding - etiquette question - UPDATED

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MrsVoegs17, on February 17, 2017 at 3:18 PM

Okay, so for any of you who may have seen my post last week, I had a major wedding meltdown, and FH and I basically ended up putting our wedding plans on hold. We decided to take a week off with nothing wedding related. We decided that we do not want a big wedding and dinner. We would rather keep it...

We are looking to marry at the court house around 4 pm, and then we plan to take photos after and then take our families and the person we each have standing for us as our witnesses out for an intimate dinner at a nearby restaurant, us paying for the dinner.

Would it be rude to have a reception after? We would start the reception around 8 pm and would provide alcohol and snack foods since it is not over a dinner hour. We do not want to register anywhere, and we do not care about the gifts, we care about celebrating our marriage, drinking, and dancing with family and friends.

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84 Comments

Super March 2017
Alicia v. · on February 18, 2017 at 2:31 AM
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Wow @vanilla .... and good luck OP! Those convos are the worst but so worth it when you end up with a wonderful wedding in the end!
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VIP September 2017
FutureFuji · on February 18, 2017 at 3:00 AM
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So I don't know the details of this but I have heard of people having a "planned elopement" which to me sounds contradictory, but might work in your situation so grandma and others can be involved? Might be worth doing a quick google search to get some info. Good luck on your discussion!
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on February 18, 2017 at 3:14 AM
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I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt here. OP, your FH needs to know that no-one cares about your wedding as much as you two do. No-one is going to be chomping at the bit to show up after at 8 pm as part of the B-party to celebrate something they weren't even invited to witness. NO-ONE. In fact, it's highly more likely to elicit eye rolls and hurt feelings among your closest friends.

How do you imagine a conversation going between an A-lister and a B-lister? "Why weren't you at the ceremony and dinner?"...."We weren't invited". Awkward as fuck.
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VIP September 2017
MrsVoegs17 · on February 20, 2017 at 12:14 PM
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Guys, I'm back, and we are back on track with our original plan. Apparently FH did not realize how important having my grandmother be there was to me. I laid out our options:

1. Courthouse, dinner after, and then be done.
2. Courthouse, dinner and reception with guests
3. Nothing.

I think the nothing option really scared him. He broke down and told me that he wants to do whatever will make me happy. I told him that I didn't want him giving up what he wanted just to make me happy, and he said that all he cares about is marrying me and me being happy. I told him that I just need his okay on everything I'm planning, and he said that he wants to try to be more involved with planning. I explained etiquette to him, and showed him some of your comments. I told him that if we invite people to celebrate with us, they deserve a seat at the ceremony and dinner with us. He finally understood and agreed. We are going to scrub our guest list this week and cut it drastically so we can get more towards the smaller, more intimate wedding he wants.

...so much stress for what. Ugh.

I'm happy we are back on track.
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