Court house wedding - etiquette question - UPDATED

As someone said, I learned after being on WW for a few months.. etiquette is not an opinion. I realize that now, FH hasn't come to the realization yet. He will learn, soon, when he is faced with making a decision to do one thing, the other, or nothing at all.

Keep us updated MrsVoegs17!!

Different opinions yes, but you still have to follow etiquette.

@swin I can't help it. I'm the same way. I have feeding issues. O_o

*ignoring the troll* How many people would be at the court house and how many does he want at the reception? I wanted to elope and FH wanted a bigger (100+ guest) party. We met half way and have a wedding with 50 people total now. They're all invited to all events and I still get a more intimate setting where it's just the people we love around us. That's the best solution I can think for you guys as well. Compromise on the guestlist and serve every guest dinner. Eta: Spelling

2b? Pretty close,but you forgot the glass of wine, lol...

Vanilla? I really don't give one flake about you, your wedding or your apparent lack of regard for your guests. It's that attitude of "I'll just do whatever I want because it's MY DAY" that always irritates me. So flaunt your bad manners; pretty soon everyone will ignore you like they will begin to ignore Drumpf after his rude ass tantrum yesterday. At some point, reasonable people throw up their hands and say, 'fuck this, it's not worth the effort".

My flakes are saved for people like MrsVoegs who seem to really care about doing the right thing and want to know how to make that happen. And I think she got some good advice about how to present a reasonable scenario to her FH.

You can't call us rude Vanilla. Flagged.

You guys really don't read posts. It's 100% not a my day thing. Indeed why I don't want to take up people's entire day. It's 100% come get drunk on my tab and party like we do at the house. Everyone is happy. Everyone is excited. Indeed everyone knows.

Court house would be his parents, sister and her husband, possibly his grandparents, my mom, stepdad, brother, dad, step mom, two step sisters, and two grandmas, and MAYBE one person to stand for each of us. So...15-20 or less (which I did confirm we can fit that many guests), and they would all join us for dinner. OMG and my daughter of course. The reception he wants would be more of just a more casual party, and we would invite extended family, and friends. Our guest count (for wedding + reception with original plan) was 150, and so far our list is at 175, which is what started this entire meltdown. His mom is trying to invite guests that she "knew" wouldn't come, but would send a gift anyways, as well as inviting her friends or people that we have no clue who they are (yes, I know, we control the invites).

You left out "Everyone is hungry" because at least they will be without any substantial food.

Haha, ^flakes. @celia I love your posts. Eta: That was obviously for Celia.

Maybe don't do dinner at all. Have a bunch of finger foods at a reception and party it up!

Damn! If I could photoshop wine in there I would.

Sorry if I missed this but is his mom paying the bill? No? So she doesn't get much of a say here. We gave my FMIL a couple of guests even though she isn't paying. No way would she or anyone aside from FH and I have a bigger say in guestlists. You can absolutely narrow that bigger list down. Start with circles like immediate family and keep going till you hit a number you can comfortably afford to be around and pay for. We eliminated people we haven't spoken to within a year, eliminated kids (which cut down 20), etc.

@Celia you called me rude. FLAGGED

@vanilla.... FFS! where did she call you rude?

I think it's fine just don't call it a reception call it a celebration of marriage and just don't tell the reception guests about the dinner

Never called you rude. I"m pretty good at not getting flagged now since I've been here, been banned and am back with a Friday night off.

See, I can call your IDEAS rude as fuck as long as I don't call you that. ;-)

If you "care about celebrating our marriage, drinking, and dancing with family and friends", then do it with dignity and respect. No, you can't get married at the courthouse, have a multi-course dinner with the inner circle, and then invite the B-list to feast on chips, dip, drinks, and dancing after the main event is history. Well, you can, but you'll have to call it what it is -- a tiered reception with guests bringing you gifts.

Couples have courthouse weddings and later receptions, and usually, they've had their private ceremonies because of social anxiety. Couples also have DWs, and then they come home and host a reception for those who couldn't attend (dicey, IMO, but if the celebration is fully hosted, I don't see the harm). Host your reception with a FULL MEAL, not bowls of empty calories and booze.

Your FH has to be convinced that you can't have your (wedding) cake and eat it too.

This scenario is just rude...I didn't say you were rude...I said the scenario is rude.

Me and FH were in a similar situation. We at first were planning a big wedding. Then we were going to just do something intimate then have a bbq with family and friends. Now we cut the guest list and were still having the wedding without the huge pricetag.

I think this suggestion by @Celia Milton is a good one: "Do a private ceremony; that is totally fine IF you keep it totally private, as in less than 10. Then you can either do a nice dinner for a small group or a big casual party for a lot of people, but not both. What he wants is unworkable and shitty."

A very good friend of mine did a version of this. He had a private ceremony with just him, his husband, and immediate family, then held a smallish reception (20-30 people?) immediately afterwards for close friends and family at a restaurant with dinner and booze. It was lovely!