court house then wedding?

I really dislike it when people do this. I suggest planning your wedding and waiting for the right day, or having a smaller wedding sooner.

If you do this, please make sure not to hide that you are already married. It can be very hurtful to your guests.

Um so people from (and with FS's from other countries) are on here..also there are brides planning DW in other countries too. *world* wide web. Also there are many people from many cultures, 1st and 2nd generation (or more) immigrants that reside in the U.S :-)

Poor Katherine was just looking for a little input and made up her mind like 20 posts ago.

Good friends of DH and me just went to the courthouse today and are planning to have their "wedding" in about a year when they can financially afford it.

I'm not offended if they call it a wedding. As far as I'm concerned, a wedding is the celebration of two people coming together as one. I'm not giving them a gift now (although, I bought a card, because I just like to give cards) but I will at their wedding whenever it happens.

I know what "etiquette" says, but I think, as long as people know you're already legally married, it's fine.

So someone should settle for a cheap backyard BBQ if legally waiting to become husband and wife wasn't in best interest for either party. Yes its wrong for people to not tell others they aren't already married, but then again everyone has their reasons, just like you have your own opinion. Now on the matter of "pretending" to get married, then should that mean no one should have a wedding anyways, since most couples these days live together long before the actual wedding, "pretending" to live a life a husband and wife already do. Big deal, you've been living together forever, nothing new. Its like you two were already married anyways. Now doesn't that seems ridiculous?

Lol @ Laura, I was thinking the same thing. Girl's already got her mind made up and the debate is still going.

I don't care what you call it, as long as I can dance and eat, it's all good....oh and if they happen to have some alcohol up in the place (cash bar...open bar, whatever) then that makes it even better!

I seriously have to wonder if some of you kick puppies and steal candy from babies. Seriously who put anyone in charge of pissing on someone's parade. Who the hell cares what she calls it call it weDIDnewal who the hell cares. Have your day and smile the entire time people are always gonna talk. Oh and the BTW FH and I have 3 kids and have been living in sin for 13 years and are just now getting married and check this wedding police my dress is white. Well ivory but it looks white. In some states we we would be considered common law or legally married due to the time ( however not in our state ) but if this was the case should I call my wedding a vow renewal. Considering I never exchanged vows with him. Get over yourself and let the girl have her day. Both of them.

Why can't we vote people off the island?

@ Christine R. - Nicely said.

I had a good friend of mine do this. They got married at courthouse first because her FH was being deployed and they had a formal wedding when he returned.

I hate when people do this. You are married when you go to the courthouse. If you want your "real" wedding then skip the courthouse one and just have the "real" one. If you cannot do that then have a vow renewal down the road from now.

Yeah I've been living in sin too with 2 kids! But I don't preten were married r refer to him as my husband. We coul have easily gotten married long ago and it would have greatly helped us. But we felt sharing the day with our loved ones with a more traditional wedding was more important to us. We didn't get married to enjoy the benefits ten pretend to do it again later. In life you make hard choices. Oh an the living in sin and wearing white is a religious thing not an etiquette/social thing. Plus it looks gift grabby. Just call it what it is. Then celebrate the heck out of it!

I say GO FOR IT! it's no one Else's business what you do.

Personally, I say don't tell ANYONE what your plans are or it will open SUCH a can of worms.

on top of that you'll be hearing for the rest of your natural born lives 'planning a anniversary party? is this on your wedding anniversary or your REAL anniversary?'

don't worry about looking 'gift grabby' people are going to find fault no matter what. please don't get too hung up on what people think. in this day and age an economy you need to do what you have to do, and things like insurance and all that gets so complicated! do what is best for YOU and your groom. sure you didn't look 'gift grabby' or kept up any kind of appearances isn't going to mean squat a few yeas down the road&anyone keeping score on that kind of thing in your life is just shallow and needs a hobby.

Thank you ladies that are supporting this idea. Although the OP already made up her mind. The positivity from this post has given me a lot of peace. I got married at the courthouse in May 25, 2013 because my hubby got really really sick and it literally scared the crap outta me. I got to thinking what if, what if and I said to myself you know what, we need to be married now because I have health insurance and he doesn't. We were already planning our wedding for next year but I thought something could happen to him health wise and I wold never forgive myself for being so selfish and to wanting wait until my ceremony to add him to my insurance. My family is onboard with my next year wedding because they are supportive like that. Its the negative feed back I got from online when researching ceremnoy ideas that made me so sad. The ladies from this post cheered me up so much that I decided to join this website. Thank you ladies for the support MMMMMMMMMMMMMUAH!!!!!!!!!

My husband and I got civilly married by a JOP back in 2010. I was pregnant and we had known each other 9 months. My husbands family hardly knew me as well as my family hardly knowing him. I invited my mother who wound up not going and my father disapproved because of the timing. My husbands family didn't even know because he didn't tell them out of fear and he lied to me because I thought they knew. So the civil marriage happened in front of two friends. Now it's 5 years later and both families have gotten to bond with us and appreciate us in each others lives. I sat down with my mother in law and asked her of her opinion. She stated it would be nice to throw a wedding on our 5th year of marriage. I asked my sister in law and she said every girl deserves to walk down an isle and wear a white dress. My mother is excited and my father is accepting. Our family and friends know that we are legally married. I am very excited to finally exchange vows. I believe things happen for a reason. Now a days people stray away from etiquette because it's not about the rule book. It's about a moment. This wedding will mean more to all of our families than had we thrown it back on our first year. My cousin is getting married this year the "right way" but guess what? She isn't allowing plus ones to her bridal party which is causing a whole mess in itself. So point is, do what you want. A wedding to me is when you exchange vows in front of your family and friends and celebrate the union of your marriage. A marriage is legally binding. My brother got legally married last year, weeks before their wedding. No one saw an issue with that. As my cousin says "It's my wedding and I will celebrate it how I want." As I say "It's like school graduations. You may have already received your diploma but your commencement day is a few months or a year later".

I came to this thread curious about the jop vs wedding etiquette being my fiance and I are getting Married in Nov. this year and having our WEDDING next year. Some of the responses had me shocked! How can you tell a woman who wants a wedding that she can't have the dress, cake and reception because she did a legal union at the courthouse...yall are a bunch of HATERS!!!! Every situation is different. My fiance and I want to live together and be sanctified by a holy union to set a good example to my children (his step children) a wedding is not in the budget this year so we decided to do a renewing of vows and big reception one year later. You better believe I am wearing a white dress, having a first dance, ordering a cake and saying my vows for all to see. It is a celebration of our marriage with the people we love! If people care that you were already married then they shouldn't come and waste space besides less guest means a little less on the cost of catering!!