cocktail & hors d'oeuvres reception - question

Kathleen, we aren't bashing you or calling you cheap. Believe it or not, we actually do want you to have a wonderful day and the best wedding you can afford, that will make both you and your guests happy.

If there's a post from you on November 6 saying how upset you are that all of your guests bailed early to go get dinner, I won't think, "I told you so." I'll actually be sad and disappointed for you.

I went to a wedding where only appetizers were served. While the food was good, it was few and far between. It got so bad that guests were rushing the waiters when they walked out with more food.

Every event (showers, weddings, parties) that were not at someones home and they only served appetizers, never had enough food. The food was slow to appear and quick to disappear. If you are only going to serve appetizers, make it very clear to the coordinator and waitstaff that the food should never run out. That way your guests aren't standing around picking at the last few cheese crumbles left on the tray.

Its pretty much common sense to plan you wedding/reception around appropriate eating times. If you disrupt that pattern, don't be surprised if guests leave to get food or get upset. Simple as that.

I think a cocktail reception would work if you had enough hors d'oeuvres. You would need enough to replace a meal, and through my research, that isn't always budget friendly. Good luck in all your wedding plans.

I have been to a 6pm wedding with just cocktail style food afterwards. Guess what? She was one of my best friends, and we left an hour early because FH hadn't eaten all day and was getting dizzy.

I don't see what the big deal is to move the time up or down by an hour or two.

I agree with Edwina. Depending on the amount of people and having enough hors d'oeuvre's it could work, but you should definitely weigh out the budget. Good luck!

To answer your question...should guests "expect" a meal? Not if you openly put it on the card with the invite. If they don't read it and come prepared, that's not your fault. If you provide them with the information and they choose not to eat a late lunch/early dinner then that's on them. I wouldn't worry about it. As long as there is enough food, why should it matter what you serve...whether it's appetizers or a meal? If they get hungry and can't possibly stand to wait a few hrs to eat, they may leave. Try not to be disappointed if that happens. You know your guests best so do what you think is best! Also, just a suggestion...have you considered making a wedding website? If you do, you could put that information on there. Inform them what the meal plan is and what time and even what they should expect to eat. Then they can choose if they want to eat prior to coming. I don't think you need to change your times just because you don't want to serve a full dinner. Good luck

Wow that got ugly fast .... While I completely agree with the ladies in that if you don't feed your guests a meal and they get hungry after the apps are done then they will most likely leave in search of something to soak up the alcohol or just to quiet their tummies. If you are ok with that then do what you want to, but don't bash someone for giving you a direct answer to your question... You may want to note on your invites to

PLEASE HAVE A LARGE LATE LUNCH BECAUSE THERE WILL ONLY BE APPS. That way your guests are forewarned. and by the way I too am on a very tight budget and we are paying for it ourselves ... I cut costs by having it on an off day.. Friday as opposed to Saturday... there are ways of doing it!

From my point of view, keeping in mind I am not as old as you are, I'm about the same immature age level of Analy, though maybe even more immature since I am still single:

-If I get invited to a party, I won't expect dinner if I'm going to the club.

-If I get invited to a party at 7 pm and the invitation says cocktail reception, I will eat beforehand (around 6) which also means I will most likely be late. If I get hungry later on I will leave to eat.

I guess it comes with certain social status to know what a cocktail reception is and the difference between that and a dinner party, lets just hope your guests understand they will not be getting dinner.

FYI for your age you do react a little bit too much to internet strangers.

I am having a cocktail reception starting at around 7pm. My plan is to have enough food for my guest but cutting the cost by having carving stations as well as smaller items. That way there is plenty of food. Also, they do have options of adding a late night snack served which can curb guest from leaving early.

It is standard for a wedding to include a meal for the guests. You can get around that, but you have to do it at a different time. If you moved it to 7:30 instead of 6:30- you wouldn't have this issue.

However, I would caution you to truly look at your costs. Usually do a large enough array of appetizers to feed all your guests the length of a party will costs you just as much, or even more than a full meal. A meal doesn't have to be filet mignon. It can be something much simple and less expensive.

You said when you go to a party in the evening, do you expect dinner- When it starts at 7pm, YES! When it starts at 8pm, no. That's why most parties don't start until later in the evening.

I do agree- your guests will hungry, and drunk. Not a good combination. And it won't give you the party you really want to have. Compassion only goes so far. But crabby, hungry guests won't make it a good time for anyone.

That is what happend in my case,meg. it was cheaper to have a buffet with hds during cocktail hour, than heavy hds and carving stations. My reception started at 6:00.

But wait.. i was married almost a year ago! Wth kind of logic is that? DOes that mean it didn't really happen? Have you ever thought that people like Analy still hang on this board to help people out advising them so they have the very best day they can possibly, avoiding the many costly and huge mistakes others have, because she has heard the moanings and groanings of many a princess bride who thought they knew it all eff their day up! We only get one shot at this -- most of us, and it can be a costly mistake! DON'T ask for opinions if you don't really want them!!

And fyi, Im not a young bride but an older bride willing to listen to reason w/o age discrimination.

Have you thought about having it an hour later and doing a dessert wedding reception? I went to one a year ago and it was very cool, so that is what I am doing. There alot of choices out there, dont stress!! If the party is the most important part make it late night cut the food out all together, however older guest may decline. I placed a call to my older guest to let them know and I am having an early dinner for them and ten of my out of town guest, and then breakfast for them the next day. Talk to you guest, my guest loved the idea. Not everyone is so uptight, if you have 100 guest with people your not close to... well yeah certain things are just expected, but family and close friends will understand and be happy to be there. If not decline and stay home, its about my union not food!