cocktail & hors d'oeuvres reception - question

Your reception is at dinner time, so yes they will expect a meal. It doesn't really matter if you put on the invite that one won't be served....people will most likely leave once the appetizers are gone to go find more substantial food sources.

Have the wedding later in the evening, say 7pm, and the reception beginning at 8pm. That's after dinner, and people will have eaten. Then you can serve a dessert bar, or cake and punch. Alternatively, you can start earlier,say 2pm, and have everything over by dinner time, and not have to provide a meal, just appetizers.

I agree with Analy - I usually expect dinner at dinnertime, which isn't a loony or unusual concept. If the ceremony is at 6:30, the reception will start around 7 - which is prime dinner hour. People will be gobbling up those mini sandwiches like they're the last food on earth.

I know many people who would not be able to just eat a big late lunch and be set for the evening - I eat small meals as the day goes, and can't stomach a big meal. I get headachy and hungry. So yeah, after dinner or during the afternoon is the way to go.

Hmmm, we really don't want an afternoon wedding. We are in our 40's, & my FH has been married before & did the whole big giant traditional wedding thing. We really just want our friends to celebrate our day. I can't imagine anyone leaving to go eat more food- it really boggles my mind. I guess we could push the wedding back to 7pm or later, however, we will be having guests driving quite a distance so they may not have eaten dinner (which is why I'm thinking eat a big, late lunch). I honestly thought if we put it on the reply cards, people would understand. I guess I'm underestimating people's compassion & wanting to celebrate, not getting a meal. Ugh.

If people have to drive "quite a distance" then when will they have time to have this "huge lunch" you speak of??

And for heaven's sake: "I guess I'm underestimating people's compassion & wanting to celebrate, not getting a meal." Really? People need to eat dinner, that's common sense. As the host, if you have an event at mealtime, it's your responsibly to feed them. That's the considerate thing to do. Otherwise, yes, they will leave.

If you are having your reception start at dinnertime you need to serve dinner. Move it earlier or later to avoid the problem.

You keep mentioning that you want a party. That is fine just remember people need to eat something if they are drinking the night away I don't think you need anything fancy or formal for dinner.

"I guess I'm underestimating people's compassion & wanting to celebrate, not getting a meal. Ugh. "

Perfectly compassionate people get hungry too, y'know. It's biology, not greed. And I agree with Jessica that not much food, plus hungry people, plus booze is going to be an issue. Even if they have a late lunch, at some point they'll want some solid food and they'll have to leave...I'd expect an empty room by 8 or so.

I would either change the tim eto a non-meal time, or provide a meal if you want it at a meal time. Personally, I would want my guests to eat a meal and be able to drink and stay for the celebration. I know when I'm drinking, I don't like snacks, I like a full meal. I'd rahter put the money out for a full meal at a meal time and have guests stay and enjoy themselves, then spend money for a h'or derve reception at meal time and have guests leave. To me, it would be a waste of money. You spent all this money to have a celebration, but your guests leave to go eat because you didn't provide them with a meal at meal time. You'v ethen basically spent money to celebrate with less than 1/2 your guests there. Hope that all makes sense, wasn't sure how to explain it properly..

I have left a wedding to go to mcdonalds across the street to eat "dinner" and come back. Sorry, but the app's were gone in 15 minutes, and we were starving!

I think it if you make it clear its not a dinner and still provide plenty of food you should be able to do it.. try doing a hors d'oeuvres buffet . but yes make sure you have plenty of them if your are going this way! about 8-10 a guest.

my wedding is in the aftroon but we are still feeding people cause the price difference between hors d'oeuvres and a full meal wasn't enough for it to be a good option for us

Kathleen, I speak from experience. Last year I went to an evening wedding of a very good friend where they only served appetizers. The guests were literally fighting over the food! Not to mention that most of the guests got drunk as there was no food to soak up the alcohol. We ended up leaving early and going to a fast food restaurant.

I appreciate the comments of those who, while maybe not agreeing, offered suggestions &/or didn't imply that because a big sit down dinner wasn't being served, my guests my not necessarily starve to death.

I have been to plenty of weddings where the guests leave right after the hour long (or longer!) dinner, only to find the must now sit through endless toasts & obligitory bridal party dances. So maybe it's not always win/win.

FH & I have friends who each year throw a semi formal cocktail party for the holidays. It usually begins at 7pm. I never feel cheated for not being served a dinner, as I understand what 'cocktail party' means. It is a gathering to celebrate friendship & love (like say... a wedding?) & we look forward to it each year. To each his own, I suppose.

Look, gals, not everyone can afford a sit down dinner. I'm not entirely sure that means we cannot choose to celebrate in any way we can with those that love us & will be happy to share in our day...

Really, you can't compare a cocktail party to a wedding, unless you're having a cocktail reception. In that case, it needs to be later or earlier.

You clearly do not want our advice though, so I'm not sure what the point of your post was.

@Kathleen - I'm not sure where the defensiveness is coming from. You specifically asked if it was okay to do a cocktail reception or if people would expect a meal. Commenters said, "Meal!," so I guess now we're awful people for answering your question. I think you just wanted us to pat you on the head and say, "It's YOUR DAY, Princess, do what you want!"

It's not about anyone "starving to death," it's about your guests being comfortable and enjoying themselves. It's pretty hard to hit a dance floor with a rumbling tummy, y'know?

I had a very tight budget, but managed to serve a full buffet by cutting corners elsewhere - sample dress, DIY invitations and decor, and a nontraditional venue (pub). It can be done, you just have to work it. Or, have a dessert reception.

I would reassess the attitude. People WANT to celebrate with you...but they don't want to go hungry doing it.

Analy- Why are you still on a wedding board when you got married almost 2 yrs ago? Clearly, it is to pass judgement on others, as if you know all there is at such a young age. I did state that it is a cocktail reception, more than once, so what is your argument?

I never thought I'd have to explain 'compassion' to a group of grown ups, but yes- compassion, "really". Compassion for the fact that our parents aren't paying or even helping to pay. My parents are dead. FH has the financial responsibility for helping his widowed mother as well as raising his daughter from his previous marriage. Compassion in knowing that I, like many, suffered a recession induced layoff & was out of work for several months, in which I still had to pay my mortgage, as well as paying COBRA which I need due to chronic health issues. When you grow up you may understand...

My biggest mistake was asking a bunch of virtual strangers about an event concerning myself & those that I love, who love and care for me.

I have seen numerous posts from brides whining about everything from their FIL's (psst- you are marrying into their family forever), their coworkers, even posting intimate details/conversations between their loved ones, not to mention those who must endlessly post pictures of every minutia of their wedding. Asking for advice from unbiased strangers is one thing, seeking their approval is very much another.

In the end, I shall heed the advice of my 80something yr old Aunt- "tell her to do what she wants & who cares what anyone else thinks".

Good luck to all the WW brides, even those who cannot find it to be kind to others in stressful situations. Just remember, it ultimately isn't about the wedding; it's about the marriage.

@Kathleen - Yeah, times are tough. For lots of people. Not just you. And bashing someone for being younger than you? Somehow I don't think Analy is the immature one in this scenario.

If you took a poll of the women on this site, I would guess 90% are on very tight budgets and paying for their own weddings. We get it, oh heavens we get it. Really - miscarriages, job losses, abuse, poverty...you'll see it all on these boards, usually on the same day.

But we also get there are tradeoffs when you have a tight budget. You don't get to have a Saturday evening dinner hour reception if you don't have a dinner budget. You don't get the desiger gown if you have a David's Bridal budget. Instead, you work out what you can afford, see if there are ways to cut corners that doesn't shortchange your guests, and you learn to live within the parameters you have. Which is a little like adulthood, no?

No one's judging you. You're judging us! You asked for advice, but don't really want it. I'm here because I've planned two weddings of my own already, and wish to share my experience with others. As you will notice, almost half the people here are married already. Why would you take advice from people who haven't been there.

And I think my attitude at 28 may be far more mature than yours at 40 whatever. I actually cared about the comfort of my guests, whereas it's clear that you do not. You only care about being in the spotlight and having your guests fawn over you, not about being a good host. If all you wanted was validation for your poor and selfish choices, you should have just titled the post "agree with me".

EVERYONE on this board paid for their own weddings, including myself. And having my DH laid off at the time, it wasn't easy for us either.

Seriously, get a clue, and some perspective.

Lets recap... we said serve dinner if the wedding is at dinnertime or change the time. There is no need to get your panties in a bunch over this. You asked for advice and we gave it. Sorry you did not agree.

PS I am starting my marriage with a full belly and so will my guests (as a good hostess should).

I am a 41 year old bride, this is my second wedding and I understand compassion, understanding and minimum budgets and time constraints. I get that. I also get that you shouldn't attack others for giving your their opinions. Part of the great thing about Analy and other already married ladies on this board is that they have been there and done that. They know the mistakes they may have made themselves and have the knowledge and experience of planning things. Instead of attacking, try to learn from them.

Further, I am having an evening ceremony/reception with a cocktail party atmosphere and I am still serving a full meal. If you don't love the idea of having a dessert reception, how about having a buffet of hearty yet cheap foods. For instance, my buffet consists of chicken picante, beef tenderloin and a pasta. Not pricey by any means but still hearty enough. The bar will be open the whole time and there will be high boy tables as well as regular round tables in case people

Don't want to just sit at a table but want to move around and mingle. There are plenty of alternatives, just take the time to listen.

In the end, you know your guests best. So if you think they won't care go for it.