Church Wedding= Open invitation??? Not Happy

I'm not sure why church wedding = open invitation. We're not having our wedding in a church, but I've been to plenty of weddings that were, and I have never seen the entire congregation at the ceremony. I think that is incredibly presumptuous of your pastor and I would have to agree with you - I'd be pissed. I don't think you're obligated to invite everyone, especially since you have to pay for it.

Also - people won't care if you run out of food because they are happy they're invited? Is he for real?

Wow,i have NEVER heard of any church doing that..we are having a church wedding(not at our church though because we couldn't book the right time at ours) and the reception somewhere else.a wedding is suppose to be who you invite not who the pastor wants to go.I would have a long talk with FH and tell him how you feel and come up with a game plan on how to handle this.If it was me personally i would be looking for a different venue!..Good luck.this may prove to be a test of your patience and ability to compromise and work together as a team!

It is common to do open invitation at a lot of churches however it sounds as if the minister is being a little pushy. I think I would talk to him and explain that while you respect him you prefer this be a private affair with your friends and family. Also explain that while you appreciate his concern there are etiquette rules you prefer to follow and STD's are included in that. If he gets rude remind him that you are paying for the use of the church and his services.

How long has your FH been a part of the church? I think if I was new and being told all of these things I would just find a new church.

Thanks Ladies, I knew I wasn't overreacting.

@ Rebecca G. FH has been there 2 years & you're right, I'm new and I find this to be too pushy for me. Especially since we didn't ask for his opinion.

I've never heard that. My dad is the pastor of the church I attend [it's not a big church] and i'm inviting everyone, only because I've been around the same people since I was born, but i've never heard of that

Our reception site has an auditorium (pic) but I think decorating would be difficult. Our colors are purple & green.

I grew up in a church family and all our ceremonies are open to other church members. But that doesn't = free for all invite to the reception. The upcoming wedding is announced in the bulletin, and people just show up if they want to. Even if the bulletin says, "All members are welcome to join us for Kris and Ralph's wedding ceremony", it's stressed that it is for the CEREMONY.

If you're worried about it, I would do a receiving line so you can thank everyone for coming, set out cake and coffee for those not invited to the reception, and then go join your guests at your party.

I would find a trustworthy older woman in the church and ask her how things REALLY go down. Church ladies know everything. What the pastor is telling you is super rude but if that's how things happen there, you want to know up front.

Good luck!!!

I just feel so bad for you that you even have to deal with this. and I dont think you are overreacting at all.its one thing to have to call out a vendor or a bridesmaid etc..but the pastor should know better than to be pushy like that!

That does seem nuts. Sometimes people have an open church wedding for the ceremony, but the reception should at least be by invites only. Your pastor is out of line.

Open church weddings are a typical thing because for some reason so many church people think you have to invite EVERYONE or you're rude. Do what YOU want you're paying for the wedding. I'd really look into talking to family about having the reception some where else though because he's being so pushy I wouldn't put it past him to expect you to just deal if extra people show up.

As for the "Std" comment it is typical to send those out so people don't make plans. Why does it seem like he's got a opinion on this wedding already?

I'm with kris on this one. See if you can ask one of the church ladies about how things are really done.

You just put a little note in the bulletin about the ceremony.

And talk to your pastor about using the church's fellowship hall after the ceremony and just have some cake (desserts), punch and coffee. Have it just long enough that you can greet the other church members.

Then you can have your private reception at the other location afterwards.

~ good luck ~

happy planning

Our bulletin just came in the mail yesterday, and our wedding is listed in the calendar. I never assumed that people in the congregation may show up, but I guess we'll see.

Do what you want its your Day not the church's...our pastor warned us that we may have people walk in during the ceremony since we got married on a Friday during lent and they do the stations of the cross on Fridays. but we didn't do an Open invitation I didn't want people I didn't know there

Usually, the congregation is invited to any event in THEIR church. That does not mean they are invited to the reception (if it is held elsewhere). Now, if you're having your reception in the church, the lines may get a little blurry.

I have also never heard of an open invitation to a wedding either. Why would anyone even want to attend a virtual strangers wedding???? IMHO

@ Carrie M, I assume that's because some churches are or at least try to be a close knit community.

I agree with the others, I would tell your pastor that you welcome everyone to attend your ceremony but your reception is a private event. And even though you don't want to be rude I'd let him know that his comments about your budget were hurtful. Just because you don't have the extra money to spend doesn't mean you don't deserve the wedding that you want.

I mean really... how does anyone who's been to a few weddings make that comment about food?? Sure, your neighbors might not care if the don't get a lot to eat but your dad might get offended if he and half your family get get to the buffet and they're out of food!

I've never heard of such a thing! But if your wedding is going to be open to the "church" folk, serve them cake and punch and call it a day!

What? Like, really!? So glad I do not go to church! Sorry you have to deal with that. I can't give advice on this one b/c it will not sound nice and I do not want to offend anyone.

If you're having your wedding at a church, typically anyone can attend the ceremony. (The theory is that all church ceremonies are open to all; it's not a private venue.) However, that doesn't mean that they can attend the reception. Unless your wedding is so large that you are afraid of people being left standing at the ceremony for lack of seats, I wouldn't worry about it.

FWIW, the staff of the synagogue where we got married asked if they could attend our ceremony. We said fine. They didn't suggest coming to the reception. Even with our intimate ceremony, it was not an issue.