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Expert September 2012

Church Wedding= Open invitation??? Not Happy

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Kesha, on April 21, 2012 at 1:05 AM

I joined FH's church and I've been a member since our engagement. Anyway, our pastor told FH that he really wants us to have an open invitation wedding so we don't hurt anyone's feelings. Also that by having an invitation only wedding we could possibly damage future relationships/connections with other church members. To top it off he said that if we run out of food, it doesn't matter because people will be happy to have been invited. (BLINK,BLINK, STARE) Umm.... since when did the church have a say in who attends a wedding. He also said he didn't understand why we sent out STD's, it's not like we're having a $25,000 wedding.

I'm not happy with this & I want to move the wedding but FH said No. Out of respect for the pastor, I kept my rude response to myself but there is no way I'm going for this crap! Have any of you experienced issues with having a church wedding? Am I really obligated to invite everyone?

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47 Comments

VIP December 2012
Mrs. Endres · on April 22, 2012 at 8:54 PM
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We are having an open invit to the churech...but its certainaly not required!
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Master October 2014
Aronna · on July 30, 2013 at 5:26 PM
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So how did this all work out? I'm curious!
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Just Said Yes July 2014
Dee · on March 9, 2014 at 2:18 PM
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Church buildings are owned by the denomination (Catholic, Episcopal, etc.) and their role in the marriage ceremony is to publicly declare to God the marriage vows between the bride and groom. The congregation and guests are witnesses to the vows. The fees typically pay for the time investment of the official (priest, pastor, etc.), musicians, and the janitorial staff. They do not give the couple ownership (however temporary) of the building. Many couples choose a church not out of devotion to the church but out of the relative bargain they are getting by using the space - and in some cases the beauty of the space. The pastor and the governing body of that space have the right to set policy for weddings. Historically, the wedding service had to be announced for 4 or more consecutive Sundays with an open invitation to the congregation. The reception is a private party - even when held in the church building. However, the church has a right to hold the wedding party to church policy which can include everything from use of specific rooms, whether alcohol can be served and whether people are allowed to smoke anywhere on the premises. As with any other venue, you can opt to abide by the policies or choose another venue. The pastor is often the person who delivers this "message" - in this case he has the right to communicate the expectations of the denomination and the local stewards of the property.
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Beginner May 2021
Kyen · on November 16, 2020 at 8:23 PM
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A friend of mine that got married in our church last year had an open invitation to the ceremony only. There was plenty of room for the church family and the B & G's family but the reception was invitation only. I sincerely hope that this was what your pastor meant, if not, that is extremely inappropriate. You have to do what you feel is right. Hope this helps!
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Super October 2022
Michele · on November 16, 2020 at 8:34 PM
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Unfortunately that is how alot of churches operate. Be very firm that you only want a certain number of people in attendance and it is not a free for all, including no public announcements in bulletins. The minister can agree if he chooses or you may end up needing to marry at the reception venue which is still valid.
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on November 17, 2020 at 8:38 AM
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This post is from 2012, lol!
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Dedicated August 2020
Q · on November 19, 2020 at 1:02 PM
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We are having a church wedding. This is strange and unheard of.
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