Cash bar

Wow! A zombie thread! All of us believed it was dead, but then....ahhh....it's walking the perimeter of the property, and it's still moaning.

Oh, and hey, previous poster (forgot your name) -- the one who's handing over 200 George Washington's in exchange for (lol...you can't be serious) printed drink tickets to disperse to wedding guests (equally, of course)? Wait a minute...I'm going to interrupt myself. Really? Excellent hosting -- IF you're hosting 10 or 20 guests. That small group will be very well hosted, but you need not bother with the silly tickets. If you're hosting more than 75 guests (methinks you are), it would be better to own your dry wedding instead of offering two watered down cocktails at your expense, and the real party fuel at your guests' expense. If you've got a large guest list, you're treating them exactly the same way a frat house treats their guests at one of their Saturday night parties (okay...small difference...red cups vs. "drink tickets")?

Why is this issue always being debated? If you can't -- or won't -- offer your guests cocktails at your wedding, can it finally be agreed upon that it's an all or nothing proposition? Does any cash bar/drink ticket bride/groom actually believe that their guests aren't going to notice that their hosts indulged when it came to themselves, but merely teased when it came to their guests? Yes, passed apps are nice. A plate of banquet food or a trip or two to the buffet line is nice. Coffee and cake? Again, nice. Cocktails? That's what makes the party. Uncle Phil won't burn down the venue or beat up his estranged son if you serve alcohol (because a professional bartender won't let that happen). Aunt Mary won't offend any of the 12 steps because she chose to attend an adult party with adult beverages. If she does, that isn't the fault of the couple who hosted adult beverages for the other 119 guests. It's the fault of Aunt Mary (and honestly, she'd be horrified to know that her name was being invoked by the hosts to excuse their horrible etiquette failure).

Unless you are committed to a devout, no-alcohol lifestyle -- and if you are, your guests will already know about it -- just admit the truth: You weren't willing to spend your money on alcohol for your guests when you could have saved that money or simply spent it on yourselves. I have far more respect for the devout who have a moral issue with alcohol than I do for those who use every excuse in the book (usually involving the identities of other people) to host their cash bars. Why? Because those couples WANT that bar there. They want their guests to break down and pay for their own cocktails. Why? Because that keeps the party going. The bride knows it. The groom knows it. The venue manager knows it. The bartender knows it. Sadly, the guests know it, and they're willing to pay for it.

ETA: Natalie...people "tend to abuse free"? Really? What's free about your wedding? Are you paying for your guests' gas and tolls? Are you paying for the wedding clothing (or the fact that they had those clothes dry cleaned so they'd look good at your wedding)? Are you paying for the gift or nice envelope they're leaving for you and your beloved? Such abuse abounds at "free weddings". Have you hired staff to make sure that your guests' "free" dinners don't get out of hand? What happens if Uncle Peter Porkchop decides he must have another plate of food or a third trip to the buffet? Those folks you hired will make sure that PP doesn't get more than his fair share. Do you believe that Hot Hands Mary, your second cousin, will wait until everyone is on the dance floor before she steals all of your really cool, free guest favors? Mature adults act like mature adults at weddings (and if they don't, why are you inviting them?). Bartenders keep it in check -- for liability reasons. People don't tend to abuse "free" whatever at weddings; people who invite more people than they can (or wish) to properly host at a wedding are the culprits in this equation. But, if it makes you feel better to tell yourself otherwise, go ahead. I promise you, your guests will figure it out immediately.

Yikes she's asking a question, no need to get nasty.

And you should find a liquor warehouse! My parents are going to one in Cali to buy alcohol for my wedding. That way, you can get a ton of alcohol for cheap and just pay for a bartender and liquor in bulk instead of a catering company over charging you for their bar services and alcohol.

OMG Natalie. If you have friends who abuse your hospitality.....um...then why are they your friends?

And yes Samantha; we all overcharge you for....everything. Get back to us when you figure out liquor liability, bartending charges, ice, setups and glassware.

Samantha, telling the truth isn't nasty. It may be uncomfortable for those hosts who have already closed their hearts, minds, and wallets to the truth, but that doesn't mean the truth is "nasty". When we're talking about couples who use whatever vapid excuses they can come up with to pass their wedding expenses onto their guests...well, that's what hits me as nasty. The OP is making a statement disguised in the form of a question. Final word? She "doesn't want to" host

her guests with alcohol because it's not in her budget. The best advice is for her to cut the guest list and host her guests properly (and that entails the inclusion of, at the very least, free wine and beer).

I noticed Celia's post directed at you, Samantha. She has integrity, honesty, a hell of a CV, and she tells the truth in it's purest form. If she implied that you believe vendors overcharge brides for everything, I don't need to read the last 28 pages of this thread for validation. If that's what you believe...DIY to your heart's delight and pat yourself on the back for avoiding the alleged rip-off artists who have devoted their professional lives to making your wedding spectacular (because I adore my sea-side vacation home and primary residence in a gated community -- all realized by my ill-gotten gain via the wedding industry). Happy wedding.

Cash bars are RUDE. People who post threads announcing their cash bar plans always seem to be oblivious as to why expecting your guests to open their wallets -- again -- for another facet of your wedding, is rude. Nine times out of ten, these couples rudely blame their innocent guests for causing alcohol fueled wedding disasters before the open bar wedding even happens. In my book, that's nasty.

@Jessie. I am from south Florida and I love how you just called soda 'pop' I worked at a very popular grocery store for five years and would always get the biggest kick out of "excuse me miss .. Where is your pop?"

Yes, you should pay for it. If it's not in your budget, do beer and wine only. But do not make your guests pay.

Wow I would love to be invited to all your "all you can drink" weddings. Where are you all from. I have been to many weddings and never once was an entire reception an open bar. Cocktail hour maybe but entire night hell no. You pay per head. If you pay say 20 per head per hour with 100 people at a 5 hour reception even assuming alcohol stopped

Being served 1 hour before that's $8,000 for giving your guests drinks. Do you think your guests are really drinking. $80 worth of booze? Some yes all doubt it. You'll end up wasting about $5,000 in unused booze that you pay for to impress your guests so they don't have to open there wallets.

543 comments telling you that a cash bar is a big no no!

@Private User- ummm the per head cost is not multiplied per hour normally.

To answer your question, Private User, I'm from the suburbs of NYC. Top shelf, open bars are the norm in my family, and, according to the couples I service every month of every year (plenty of them from the Hudson Valley, southern NY, and northern NJ), it's the norm for those who live in this area. How do they afford it? I don't ask our couples, but in my family, it's a given. The wedding doesn't happen until the reception is hosted with every reasonable amenity. A guest opening their wallet for a drink at a reception is the same as a guest being charged to park their car at the venue. It doesn't happen.

My wedding was top shelf/open (35 years ago), and the wedding we hosted for my daughter eight years ago was also top shelf/open. It's just the way we do it. In my entire life -- and I'm 55 -- I've been to one cash bar wedding (hosted by New England millionaires), three dry (religious) weddings (all three ended very early), and the balance of the open bar weddings is a number I can't even calculate.

It is not about impressing your guests so they don't have to open "there" (it's "their") wallets. It's about hosting an amazing event that allows your guests -- people who love you and are gifting you very generously -- to have one hell of a night. If you're actually doing mathematical calculations concerning the liquor consumption of your guests while you're supposed to be enjoying your reception, then you've completely over-invited or over-vendored. Alcohol trumps flowers (yep, that's what I believe). It also trumps limos, photobooths, second gowns, a string quartet, an Elvis impersonator, etc. Believe me, your guests would prefer an open bar to cute photos of themselves in props (that will end up in a drawer).

This is where people get confused. Prioritize, and keep the guest experience where it belongs -- at the top of the list. Serve wine and beer -- that's perfectly acceptable; but if you're paying $8K for soft liquor, you're at the wrong venue.

I am totally in agreement of everyone else. At least do beer and wine if liquor isn't in your budget.

But, to the people saying they don't bring cash to weddings, don't you tip the bartender? I'm seriously just wondering..

Also, I would be offended if I went to a cash bar after setting aside my evening, buying a gift, and possibly giving money. I also buy a new dress for each wedding I attend =-)

Why comment on a thread complaining that it won't die lol your comment is keeping it bumped!

Imma gonna leave this here:

I hope the fact that this thread is still alive will minimize the number of cash bar threads started this week lol

We paid for a "power hour" (1hr open bar) and then it'll be a cash bar after.

@Ariana...NO. This will confuse your guests, cause massive lines at the bar, and have people hoarding drinks...Please read all the comments before posting your inane one.

I know who you are private user.... same private user that 'called me out' last week. And I still have the screenshots of your admission, so stop with your claims and remarks.

^^^

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@ariana what you DID was stupid.

WW- that's okay right? I said her choice was stupid. Not her. No flagging right