Cash Bar Vs. Open/Hosted Bar.

We should all remember that there will be new brides to be due to recent holidays and also Valentine's day coming up and they may not have been on several weeks before to see recent topics..they don't all know about the search bar.. It took me awhile to figure out about the google search at the top.

@Jennifer, welcome to WW sorry I forgot to add before, congrats on your recovery! :-) Yes this topic can get heated. but as long as people stick to generalities like saying it depends; it can stay civil.

Whilie I would love to host a bar for my guests, as of now, I'm just trying to make sure all 120+ can eat, and no, I can't reduce my guest list, since the majority is family. I've gone to open bar weddings in Northern VA, and PA and both were very nice. However, if I were a recovering alcoholic, and it was a known fact, I would not host a bar, and it would probably be a dry wedding. But if you are comfortable with those around you drinking, then let them pay for it themselves.

I don't consider it rude at all to offer a cash bar. Plenty of people do it, my sister did it. They didn't have the budget for alcohol and they were under age anyway. So it didn't make sense for them to spend money on it.

We are having beer and that's it. But there will be a bar a few feet away that will be happy to serve them drinks

We are purchasing 2 kegs so whoever wants beer can have as much as they want but when they are gone they are gone and then we are also having the cash bar for any wine and liquor drinkers. In my opinion considering your circumstance it sounds like you might want to lean towards the cash bar. Every wedding I have been to has done a cash bar. It's expensive to have an open bar. Good luck in your decision!

I think some of the posters on here are being a little impatient. Not everyone knows the "rules", but there shouldn't be any rules about what you can and can't ask about. if you don't want to participate you don't have to. No one should be afraid to ask a question here!

I never knew personally that various parts of the country had different social standards regarding bars at weddings.. just something interesting to learn! In Seattle people tend to do at least an open wine/beer bar, we have so many home grown of both it makes it easy to find something great to serve. I've never actually been to a wedding that had hard liquor that I can remember. Generally they are not cash. However everyone's situation is different. I find it actually quite considerate that you would consider having a bar at your wedding when both you and your fiance have struggles with it and have a negative history with it. Probably more considerate than most people would be! I see nothing wrong with having(see next)

A cash bar under the circumstances. There is no reason for you to pay for people to do something that you have struggled with, in my opinion. But to have a cash bar leaves the decision up to the adults whether they would like a drink or not.

It's not a rule....nobody said anything about rules. But I've seen several users recommend to people to use the search option, so...I have followed their recommendations. Now I'm just passing it on.

Again, RECOMMENDATION, not rules.

Around here and in FH's family there has never been a completely unlimited open bar...unless the people getting married happen to be the bar owners. I don't see what the big deal is. It isn't rude. It's not like everyone is forced to drink. They have the choice not to. I get the whole thinking of your guests thing, but at the same time guests should not be treating a wedding as some sort of free house party anyway.

Both of our families have issues with alcoholism.... We chose to do a cash bar to discourage people from getting wasted on our dime. This way people are more conscious of their intake. Plus, it allows us to have a honeymoon since we are not paying for our families to get trashed.

I don't belive in any certian rules....but i have thoughts and i know what works for me....FH and I are having premium open bar. This was FHs only request, and I didn't have any reason not to (i enjoy my vodka tonic with better than house). I grew up with responsible drinking and have enjoyed going to weddings and events where I didn't have to bring cash. I feel my guests are celebrating our wedding, so to us, it is a gift to the guests to have food and drinks of their choice. If people choose not to drink - thats okay, I'm still paying for their share of the open bar, I'm not offended by their choice. Going to someone elses wedding, I would hope they would respect my choice to be able to drink. Of course I'd appreciate an open bar, but if its not feasible, let me know so I can bring my own! Besides weddings, I've never hosted a BYOB party, I have always provided for my guests no matter how big the party - this is just how i was raised to throw a celebration!

I wasn't making it heated, my opinion and my area 'norm' are actually against what the popular opinion is, I was just giving you a heads up that some people are very adamant that open bar is the only way to go, and will fight you till the bitter end about it. Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.

Traditional etiquette says you never have a cash bar. You host what you can afford--whether it is a full premium open bar or just soft drinks--and nothing else is available.

However, I am always wary of relying on traditional etiquette if it's likely to annoy your guests. And at least one (unscientific) survey has suggested that guests would prefer that a cash bar be available for those alcoholic beverages you are not providing.

I also thinks it depends a lot on your culture. If your friends would typically provide drinks if you went to their house, they will be disappointed if they can't get drinks at your wedding. Conversely, if alcohol is not normally a part of your culture (because of religion, economics, lots of recovering alcoholics, or whatever), a dry wedding may work.

(cont.)

Of course, you may have several different cultures present at your wedding. Great Aunt Mathilde's culture may be quite different from the groom's frat brothers' culture. In that case, you need to figure out compromises, such as having beer, wine, and a signature drink, but not having alcohol beyond that.

While I have never attended, nor would I ever host a cash bar, if the couple had to have one for whatever reason, they should let the guests know so the guests can be prepared with cash.

As I have said before, in my culture, serving well booze is a reason to GASP. I can also add I drink beer, so I don't GASP.

As others have said, if your budget allows it, I would provide an open bar (wine only is fine IMO). If it helps at all, I attended a friend's wedding and her and her now husband are both in recovery (they met in AA). Half their guests were also in recovery (friends from AA). They wanted all their guests to have a good time, so they provided an open bar (hard liquor, beer, and wine). There weren't any issues. I think that if you have no issue with guests drinking (or having the reception at a winery), then you should provide (at least a limited) open bar. If you can't afford it, I would at least tell your guests it will be a cash bar. Just my two cents.

And congrats on your sobriety!

Thanks everyone for your input on the subject. I wasn't saying you made it heated in any way Jusith I was just asking why it would get heated? So many have posted and explained why this issue is so touch and I appreciate the head up on the topic, however, i still feel that it's really ridiculous and a waste of time to get heated over something so petty, it's just thoughts and discussions on the pros and cons in my opnion. Anyway thanks for joining in and for all the tips.

Thanks MM I agree with you and no I have no problem with others drinking, I personally cannot and I understand that but doesn't mean that others can't , and yes my wedding is at a winery so I think you're right that some alcohol should be provided, I'm thinking maybe just a bottle of wine per a table to enjoy with dinner and a signature drink the rest will be cash, not sure have to give it some thought but makes sense to me. I have to admit it would be nice to have one cocktail or at least be able to enjoy the toast with a glass of champagne but it's not an option for me and something I have to deal with.

We also are having a cash bar. We posted this info on our website so our guests will be informed.

That sounds like a good compromise. I would still say something on your wedding website (limited open bar so guests will bring cash if they choose to drink more). Depending on how many guests will be at each table, one bottle may not be enough for each to get a glass.

We'll host an open bar because is the norm in the are and we can afford it but if I attend a wedding/party where there's a cash bar I'll completely understand because I know how expensive all this can be.