Cash Bar Vs. Open/Hosted Bar.

Poker chips and drink tickets are for office parties and charity functions. Not weddings.

According to your logic you should probably put a bouncer in charge of the buffet too. You know how when people see free food they chow down plate after plate.

Your guests are adults who are taking time, making effort, and usually spending a decent amount of money to attend your wedding. It's disrespectful to treat them like children who can't behave themselves.

I just never get these arguments. It makes it seem like people don't like their own wedding guests very much.

Jessica.....You would not be responsible for over drinkers who drive. Your venue and the bartender would be.

No offense, I am not a fan of the tickets or poker chips. It kind of treats your guests like children.

I also don't understand "taking advantage" of an open bar. How could someone take advantage. It is one price for the entire night. If you had a tab bar where your limit would be $1K and someone was drinking double fisted...no, scratch that. I seriously don't think a person can "take advantage"

^^^ Kris, that's exactly the problem. Who are people inviting to their wedding if the problem is that "nobody is going to get drunk on my dime"?

I don't think alcohol is a problem. Your guest list is. If you associate with people who have to go to somebody's wedding to get drunk, good luck with such friends and family. You'll need it.

Kris....We basically typed the same thing at the same time. I agree a bouncer at the buffet to prevent people from taking a double scoop of green beans almondine??? It sounds ridiculous, but aren't the chips or tickets the same thing?

Well said Mrs. S.

Seriously, I Had a great many adults, hell, old farts, who were shyte faced at our wedding(including me). They had a good time and walked up the steps to their room.

@Carole, that's why buffets are not a good idea. If the dinner is plated, you get your allocated portion and NOBODY can get fat on your dime. Or take advantage of you.

This is a, to each their own, kind of topic.

LMAO I just fell of the darn chair.

See the verbage on why someone isn't having a bar is what gets to me.

Carole and Mrs S you ladies crack me up.

Pan, I agree the norms on cash vs. hosted bars vs. dry weddings are totally "to each their own." Alcohol is never a factor for me when I RSVP to a friend's wedding. The only thing I judge is the condescending attitude some people have towards their own wedding guests and whether or not they can control themselves. That attitude is disrespectful and uninformed.

I agree with Kris.

I have never been to a wedding where there was a cash bar - every wedding has had a hosted bar. If I were to go to a wedding at a winery, I would expect for the venue to at least be serving their own wine. In fact, I would look forward to trying their wines.

Kris S.....Well said!

Whoa you guys take this to seriously! OMG I mean really? Remind me never to bring up this topic again! Yea I was warned and now I see why. I mean really what is the big f*******deal!

Yes, Pan, it is to each its own. But as Carole said, it's the verbage that is disturbing. You don't want to have alcohol? Fine! But please don't assume that your guests are coming to your wedding to take advantage of you. To me that's offensive as I have been a guest at many weddings.

@kris s.: I would just point out that in some instances, the attitudes are realistic rather than condescending. In my own case, if I invited family from my parents' generation and had an open bar, it would be an absolute certainty that we'd end up with a lot of people being drunk to the point of being obnoxious. On the other hand, if I invited those people and didn't have an open bar, it would be an absolute certainty that those people would be unhappy and leave early. There is just no way to sugar-coat it; I come from a long line of serious alcoholics. (For reference, my father has managed to drink an average of two liters of wine a day for most of his life.)

My first wedding, we dealt with this issue by having an open bar but a short reception. My second wedding, we dealt with this by having an open bar and not inviting the offenders. But I can assure you, my "attitude" toward those people was fully justified.

The dilemma for me has nothing to do with whether I think someone is going to take advantage or not, it has to do with my personal situation, budget, and consideration of my guests that why I opted for a cash bar because I want them to be able to have the option to drink just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean that my guest won't want to but like I said most of my guests are non-drinkers so I think for the few guests that drink they will certainly understand a former alcoholic not having an open bar. I personally don't even like being around alcohol now that I am a non-drinker but I want to give my guests the option. So I can see how people can get annoyed when someone's only reason or part of their reason is because of fear that their guest will take adavantage, that is not my situation at all.

I just see it as if they are more interested in the alcohol than the whole celebrating and being happy with me, to the point they ask me about it than that is kind of rude. I've never asked or been upset if there is not an open bar, and expect people I consider close enough to invite to my wedding to come to my wedding with the intention of having fun, open bar or no open bar.

2d Bride, I get exactly what you're talking about. FH has an uncle who I really don't want drinking anywhere near me, but would be upset if we didn't pay for his drinks. Except I don't care so no open bar for me. He gets seriously obnoxious and really really sexist. Starts calling every woman in sight things like big tits not in a joking way, and that is a nicer word that he uses when addressing women(including me). I really don't even want to invite him, and have actually gotten the ok from FH, and FMIL not to invite him. That's how bad he is. FMIL agreed and he is from FH's side.

Jennifer, I think your situation is totally reasonable. FTR, cash bar, dry wedding, hosted bar with an effing ice vodka luge.......all are fine with me. Do what your budget allows. I'm not attending someone's wedding for the booze. My only problem is with the attitude.

Jessica, you got feedback. My point about the buffet was to illustrate the issue with your reasoning. If the feedback you got was sarcastic, it was probably b/c you implied that your wedding guests want to take advantage of you. IMO as someone who has been a guest at dozens of weddings, I find that offensive.

2d, I think there's a difference between what you're saying about specific people with addiction issues, and a general attitude that your average wedding guest is going to take advantage.

@Jessica; if you do the chip thing, you should make sure people that get there early won't grab extra chips from different place settings. Hopefully that wouldn't be a problem.

Good thing Kris is typing so I don't have to.