Calling off wedding.. update pg 2

We canceled our destination wedding due to money after sending our save the dates. We called our planner and she sent me a check for the deposit which was refundable (according to contract of course). We told family/friends through word of mouth. Hugs to you MPH.

I have *sort of* cancelled a wedding. We were going to have a destination wedding, but after unexpected financial things, we decided to do it locally. We had already put a deposit on a venue and our coordinator and photographer. Our photographer is actually going to come to us now for a small fee. If it would have been exactly a year away or more from our wedding date we could have got our full venue deposit back, but as of right now we are hoping they rebook the same date and then we get the $ back. You should be able to put what you've paid towards a later date. That's what we did with our photographer. We had to move the date to a Saturday to have it locally and he worked with us on that.

And yeah, we just told people by word of mouth.

I would imagine that by cancelling a wedding outright, you would probably forfeit more deposits than if you postponed. I know some vendors take only a small rescheduling/date change fee, whereas others are happy to switch the date for free (if it is far enough in advance and they haven't had to turn away business for the date you are now changing). I second Holly's advice to carefully read each contract.

As far as family is concerned, I would avoid mass announcements on social media. Start with those closest to you, and utilize them to spread the word if necessary. Parents can be helpful with this.

I'm not sure of your situation, or what the reasoning is for the potential postponement or cancellation of your wedding, but there may be some benefit to counseling. Whether just to help you think through this decision, or premarital counseling. Again depends on your situation.

The best advice I can give you is to trust your gut. I've heard of many people going through with weddings because deposits were paid and cancelling would be uncomfortable, only to get divorced down the line. Trust yourself.

Read your contract. Cancellation, postponement, and refund policies will be clearly spelled out. No vendor is obligated to postpone the provision of their services or issue a refund unless the contract specifically calls for the action in question.

MPH- You are a strong woman to consider this. I applaud you for thoroughly considering what might be best for your future, despite the difficulties that arise from cancelling/postponing. I would check your contracts, if they say they are nonrefundable they may still be willing to let you move the date out if it's not within the next few months (and they could then still book another couple).

I would tell guests by word of mouth. If you are too upset, you can ask your mother and a trusted friend to spread the word.

We almost had to postpone ours because we weren't sure when the freeway expansion would have been. (The freeway is going to be put literally right through our venue next year). We contacted all of our vendors and most would have moved our date IF they were not already booked for whatever date we chose. As far as canceling goes... We would have been refunded all of the money we have paid (we paid most vendors in full), but not the deposit. Most of our deposits were 1/3 of the total cost. Thank God the freeway expansion isn't happening until much later in the year!

I'm sorry you are dealing with whatever is going on.

I would review your contracts and start making calls.

I cannot speak to the vendors, but I did have an engagement that was called off. I told my parents and asked them to spread the word as needed and that I did not want any calls or to talk about it. It is really a sad and difficult time. I am here if you need anything and sending hugs.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I canceled my wedding three weeks before the wedding. This was eight years ago. It was a good choice for me. There had been signs that I chose to ignore that became blatantly clear when I was in the hospital with kidney and gal stones a couple of weeks prior to the cancellation. I wish I hadn't waited so long. But I was lucky to get half of my deposits back. I called/emailed everyone on the list and had my father and stepmother help me out with that task. I called the vendors/church and all were sympathetic but of course had to follow the contracts.

I wish you lots of luck.

It wasn't an easy decision because it also meant the breakup of a relationship. But it was the best decision of my life.

I'm sorry. It's a tough thing to be considering, for any reason.

Every contract with every vendor is going to be different. Some will have time limits on the amount you get back when you cancel before a certain date.

Trust your intuition.

I cancelled my wedding to my ex. We had booked things about 2 years in advance. Luckily I just had to cancel the caterer and venue. I lost my $250 deposit on the venue but the caterer was sympathetic since I cancelled over a year in advance so she gave me back my deposit. I just sent them an email explaining that we had decided not to get married and how they would like to proceed. My family and friends was a bit more difficult. Most of my family knew the problems we were having so they were very supportive. Friends that I didn't see very often it was worse. Explaining that you're no longer getting married is kinda awkward but isn't explaining any type of break up awkward? Honestly this was one of the better things about Facebook. I was going to keep my relationship status private but my ex changed his to single so it showed up on most of our mutual friends newsfeeds. I think I would have had a lot more questions had it been private and no one knew about it.

I cancelled my first wedding 4 months before it happened =/ That wedding was supposed to be 10/13/12. I am no longer with that guy.

We didn't get any vendor deposits back. Although we lost about $7,000 and had a wedding dress already bought, it was worth cancelling it. I was upset and didn't really want to tell anyone that it was cancelled so my Mom and Aunt went and told everyone. I was so embarrassed at the time, but now I realize I made the right decision. I am extremely happy I did not go through with the first wedding. There were so many problems in the relationship which would never be fixed. It not worth being miserable even if you spent money.

ETA: I called or emailed each vendor and also sent written letters to formally notify and cancel each vendor.

I cancelled my wedding 2 months prior to the wedding date. (This was a previous engagement) This was after my shower but right before I sent out my invitations. I called everyone who attended my shower and explained the situation. I tried to return the gifts but most people insisted that I keep them. I had everything already purchased and all deposits were made on my vendors. I had no intention on postponing the wedding...just canceling it. I lost all of my deposits and returned what I could of the wedding items that I purchased. My bridesmaids had already purchased their dresses so I ended up paying them for their dresses...it wouldn't have been fair to them to be out any more money. it was difficult to keep repeating over and over to everyone basically how my world had fallen apart but I was given so much love and support with every phone call that I made.

I postponed a wedding (had to pay $250 to change the date at the venue), and then later canceled it completely. When I canceled the wedding, we were less than six months from the date, so my deposits were non-refundable.

I'm currently trying to sell the dress I had bought for that wedding. But cancelling the wedding was the best decision I have ever made. Yes, I lost money - but I'd have lost more than that had I stayed with him.

I haven't done this. But I know two ppl who have cancelled. One cancelled about two months before the wedding the brides mother sent a typed letter to all invited explaining the couple has decided to "go their separate ways" and that they did not want to discuss but only "solicit your prayers" as they go thru this trying timing. The other cancelled about 9 months before they had most vendors booked but luckily the bride's sister was newly engaged and was able to use the photographer & caterers & videographer on a different date (but using the sisters deposit) they lost their deposit on the venue and the bride was able to sell her dress for only a little loss.

Most people have covered how to deal with contracts and such, but I wanted to address something slightly different. My cousin cancelled two weddings to two different guys (actually it was the guy that called it off both times and broke my cousin's heart). The first one was probably 6 months out and I know my uncle lost quite a bit of money. The second one was only 10 days out and again my uncle lost a lot more money. However, the money was never the main issue, our family was more concerned about the well-being of my cousin and making sure she was okay. She even came out to Hawaii for some time with friends after the second was called off and even though I'm not close to her, we met up for a beach day and we stayed off the topic of her broken engagement. My family had to cancel their flights (they were able to get credit toward another flight) but again, no one really minded that much because they wanted to just see her happy. Some brides are really worried because of the money and how they'll be seen to their family and friends, but I guarantee you, they want to support you more than they'll be mad at you. Now this same cousin is getting married this Saturday (third guy's the charm?) and my family couldn't be happier for her! Everyone supports her and is willing to spend money to see her get married.

I'm sorry for whatever is going on, but please don't be afraid of what people will say or the money lost. Your happiness is the most important.

My cousin cancelled her wedding, then got back with him, started planning again and then cancelled the wedding again. They lost most of their deposits, but she had her mom and sister contact most of our family to let us know. Everyone was very understanding.

I don't really have much input regarding postponing/cancelling an engagement. I just wanted to extend my support and say whatever you do don't do it just to not lose money on the deposits. Do whatever you feel is best for you and for your (and your fiancé's) happiness. Like others have stated - people will be understanding and supportive of your decision, whatever it may be.

To hop onto HIH's point, I should have cancelled my first wedding. I didn't because I didn't want to lose money or deal with the questions... but in retrospect, that was a bad decision. Going through with a wedding that isn't right costs more money and heartache in the long run.