Call me greedy, but I am mad.

Now their Dad says he is never paying for another wedding again. & #3: his mother should have known that she would be a part of the wedding, she was part of her daughters, and she didn't even take time off of work to spend the evening with her son at HIS wedding ... I don't want our professional pictures to be of her in a button up uniform top and khaki pants. Call me a b!tch but jeez, we intend on only doing this once and his family isn't even taking it seriously. I am hurt that they want to take him away for a week instead of maybe offering what they'd spend on him going to us to maybe go out of town the week I am off after the wedding? Does this make me a horrible person? Or am I in the right being upset over it all happening so close to after us getting married.

I know you're still typing... but let me get this straight- They want to take FH on a vacation a few weeks after the wedding, and they aren't taking you?

That alone is crappy! And he should politely decline the invite...

I know you're still writing, but I just wanna say so far that

A) his parents (and yours) aren't obligated to pay a penny for your wedding. Nor should you expect them to. If you're enough of an adult to get married, you're enough of an adult to foot the bill. JMHO.

B) If FS's family wanted to do something like that, FS wouldn't go. That's like a direct slap in the face to you and to your marriage. He needs to tell his father that either his wife comes too or he's not going. Because you're right, you JUST got married. Which means that from now on, and "family vacations" need to include you too. That's so rude. I'd bitch my dad out if he tried anything like that with me.

EDIT: any "family vacations"....

Agree with carmen. u both go or no one goes.

I never really expected either set of parents to pay for anything, but my parents insisted on the 2 costs they picked up because they did it for both of my sisters. His parents supposedly (according to what they told us) didn't pay anything for his sister's wedding but his sister (sort of rubbing it in our faces, I guess) told us that her Mom paid to have her dress altered ($300), her Mom paid for the cake ($450) & then her Dad paid the photographer ($4500) & for the food, which wasn't a lot and they spent ($300). She has favoritism with her being the "baby girl" of the family, shes the only girl. But he was going to ask his Dad to help with just the Rehearsal dinner & he said that he wasn't helping with anything because of sister's divorce. & then thats when he asked about the vacation... FS said he isn't going to accept it. I told him to just go and enjoy himself (and it was hard for me to say it and he knew I didn't 100% mean it because of the tone in my voice.)

& I am getting the food for the rehearsal dinner for less than $40. So it kind of hurt my feelings & makes me feel like they don't think our marriage/wedding is as important as sister's was because he wouldn't even pick up the tab to feed him & 23 other people.

I do think you wanting them to give you the money is a bit greedy, but them not inviting you on the trip is downright wrong!

Have you asked your families for more help with the wedding? You can't fault them for not helping more if you didn't ask.

And have FH talk talk to his mom about the uniform issue. He can tell her you are both sorry she is going to be so rushed to change and get ready, but has she purchased her dress yet? If she balks, he can tell tell her that you both appreciate how that she works so hard, but her work uniform is not appropriate attire for any wedding, much less one as the mother of the groom.

That was my first thought too. You're part of the family now. If they're taking a family vacation, you should be included.

And while I understand your frustration about not getting any help from his family, Carmen's right, they're in no way obligated to chip in. There are traditions that they could follow (paying for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon), but they're not obligated in any way.

That said, if they say anything derogatory about the wedding and what you've done on your limited budget, you have my permission to reply with a snarky comment, at least. I can't condone violence, but I'd stand up as a character witness if it went to trial. Just saying.

I agree and disagree with carmen: 1) I see it if you help one child with their wedding its only right to help with the other's regardless how the first child's marriage worked out. 2) I agree 100% on that one. You are now his wife so should be included in all "family functions" regardless of what it may be. FS should decline the invite. Just because of the type of person I am I would handle it this way, "Look dad, I am sorry but I will have to decline. I have been newly married less that 2 weeks. We have plans for our honeymoon next spring. If you wish, provide us the money from what you would have spent on this vacation as a wedding gift to us to use towards our honeymoon." Thats just me though.

Money aside, your fils sound crazy. She is really wearing her uniform to the wedding? yikes. they have issues

OK- so they aren't helping you because his sister's marriage didn't work out? That's even crappier... FH needs to address this. Her marriage not working has no bearing on whethere or not they do anything for yours.

Non-supportive family causes problems and makes things even more difficult for the couple. If FFIL really wants your marriage to work better, he should make sure and treat you like a member of the family. Maybe he needs reminding of that...

I can't ask my parents for anything else, simply because I know their Financial situation & whatnot, Dad already pays my cellphone bill (because I am on his plan & atm can't pay it with paying for the final touches for the wedding) but I am sure if I told him the food was only going to be $40 for the rehearsal he would help. My MOH & Best Man even offered to chip in but I felt weird taking money from them for the rehearsal dinner. I just have always felt offended by his family & it hurts my feelings that this is my wedding too & their son's and they don't even care to request off work. Granted, they didn't get their formal invitation til about 3 days ago but we told them in March that the wedding was Sept 25. his mom even wrote it on her calender. And she didn't buy a new dress, she is wearing the one from her daughters wedding. *rolls eyes* at least it's hot pink and matches the colors...

Amber check ur PM shortly...

@Meghan, in a nutshell yes they aren't helping because of her divorce.

@Deirdre, yes.. and the uniform shirt buttons from top to bottom and is a grayish-green color.. :-(

@Serena, will do.

I can understand that your FFIL's logic for not wanting to help (because your FSIL's marriage failed) is severely flawed and very insulting. Just because she couldn't hack it doesn't mean ya'll can't. But at the same time...it's still his money and he has every right not to spend it on your wedding if he doesn't want to. No matter what his reasons are. You can respect his decision without respecting the line of thought that caused it.

Honestly..I do think it's greedy to expect money from anyone for YOUR wedding. While it sucks..it's their money..it's their decision. But..they are being incredibly disrespectful to you not inviting you on a "family vacation" that is just bogus. Your fiancee needs to bring this up to them and asap.

I must say me and FFIL don't have the best of a relationship, never have & probably never will. But I thought FMIL was a better person than what she's acting like right now. & Basically, she has to be at work at 9pm, so for my wedding starting at 6pm, FH isn't even going to get to dance with his mother. :-/ He is hurt, he was hurt over the vacation thing, too .. he swears he doesn't belong to them, he doesn't understand why he has green eyes and they have blue. He can't understand why they are successful and he isn't. (Job loss a lot over the last year since he lost his nice $20/hr job.) I try to stay positive for him and reassure him, but sometimes- I wonder too why they treat him so terribly.

I'd go into serious bitch mode. FMIL can take of work for a whoel week to go to Disney, but not one night, or a few hours for her son's wedding.

Screw them. Maybe they shouldn't have gotten an invite at all...

*gets of pedestal*