Call me greedy, but I am mad.

Amber,

I think it is very strange that you FIL's would even THINK that inviting their son without his new wife on a vacation would be an option. To me, that's a no-brainer. I hope that your FH didn't even consider the offer! It seems like they are trying to put a wedge between you and FH by dangling the trip in front of him.

As for your FMIL coming to the wedding in her uniform; tell her to dress appropriately and she can change into her uniform just before she leaves for work.

Honestly, as a MOB, I just can't see not supporting a choice my adult child has made. It's just simply not my life to live!

I hope you can have a wonderful wedding day, full of love, happiness, great memories and support. Really, your MIL attending your wedding in a uniform just makes HER look stupid and has NO reflection on you.

I have to agree with C's Mom, if your FMIL does actually show up in her uniform it's going to make HER look stupid and knowing you, I can imagian how out spoken your friends are. Someone is going to embarrase the crap out of her. Then later on, you can also point out your wedding photos which will have no shots of her in them what so ever. Make sure you talk to you photographer and let her/him know that if your FMIL is in uniform then she is not in photos!!!! They started the spitefullness and now they can reep it.

They don't support the marriage and that's unfortunate. But FS should have said from the instance that his family invited him and not you, that it was unacceptable for you not to also be invited. If he says anything now, you look like the controling woman who got pissed off.

As everyone else says, excluding an in-law from family vacations is BEYOND rude; you have no obligation to even try to act like it's okay. Your FS is completely right to tell them he won't go without you, and in fact, it's the only to even have a chance at forcing them to change their behavior. If he went along with it, they would happily continue pretending you didn't exist for the rest of their lives.

That said, I agree with Carmen about the money, too. While the reason they provide for not contributing any money is insulting and kind of dumb, it's their reason and their money. You'll look better to any casual observer if you save resentment for their many actions that actually warrant it.

I say greedy its not his family duty to put money in your wedding or honey moon! it should be you and your husbands, traditionally the brides family pays for the wedding, im in the same boat as you me and my fiance are paying for our wedding EXERYTHING on the other note for the trip issue you hubbys family should of invited you , you are now part of the family

I agree with what the others have said. You should not be upset over the fact that your FS family is not paying anything toward the wedding. Traditionally, it is the brides family that pays for the wedding.

The fact that they invited your FS to go on vacation and have excluded you is beyond rude. Once you are a part of the family, you need to be included in such plans. If your FS goes without you, then he has an issue that you need to deal with. He should tell his parents that if you are not included in the trip, then he cannot join them.

This is sure not what you need right before your wedding.

I haven't read what anyone else has said, but I'm likely gonna go against the grain with everyone else.

Proper etiquette says that HIS family pays for the rehearsal dinner, his attire, your bouquet, the bouts for the male attendants, officiant, and male GOH's, and a few other things that I don't recall. If they aren't doing that, then they are not practicing proper etiquette and that alone would make anyone upset. Without giving details, I will tell you that I know what your going through.

As far as the "family vacation" less than one month after your wedding is concerned, he shouldn't go unless you are invited, period. Whether or not his family likes it, you will be a part of their family by marriage at that point, and you should be included or niether one of you should go.

It sounds to me like your FFIL is trying to send a clear-cut message that you are not welcome in their family. People like that aggrivate me to no end. *rolls eyes*

My input on the money part of your post is that, although it would be nice for his parents to help you with the wedding, seeing as how they have enough money, they aren't responsible for helping you, unfortunately. You and FS are adults and should be able to pay for your own wedding. Parents used to foot the bill for weddings back when the girl was a young girl in her teens or early 20s and still lived at home and was still a virgin. Well, at least, that's how it was in my culture. Now...women are more independent and couples pay for their own wedding. And, I don't really feel that because they helped the other child, they have to help you. others may disagree with me. My mom helped my sister with her wedding last year..not much cus she doesn't have a lot of money...but she helped her with about 3k that my sis was able to do whatever she wanted with. For my wedding, my mom bought my dress ($550) and that's it. She's in a different money situation than she was in last yr so I understan

D....your FS' decision was based on something that happened after the other child got married (divorce) and although it may not be fair..in the end, it's still their money and they don't have to help financially if they don't want to.

As for the disney trip...that's kind of messed up. Is there a reason why you are not invited??? And if that were me...and my parents wanted to take me to disney w/o my new hubby, I wouldn't go.

I did not read all but I read where you said you told FS to go but he should know by the tone of your voice that you do not want hims to go. Unless he is a mind reader.. that is not fair. Do not..repeat..DO NOT..expect your FS's to know what you mean when you either do not tell them or they should know by the tone. If you do not want him to go tell him. Men do not understand what we mean. They barely understand what we tell them. lol. Be direct tell him that you will be his "Family" and if he is going on a "Family" vacation then he must be going with you.

He needs to seriously have a long talk with his parents. That is So DISRESPECTFUL!

Forget about the money aspect... firstly, because no matter how much money anybody has, the only people responsible for paying for anything wedding related are the people getting married. I know that traditional etiquette has rules for whose family pays for what, but that stuff is quickly becoming outdated. The second reason to forget about the money is because you've got much bigger issues to deal with!

As Hillary said, his mother should be busting her butt to get the day off for her son's wedding. And it is beyond disrespectful for his father to plan a family vacation and not include you... particularly so soon after your wedding!

Let go of the money issue and stand firm on this vacation thing. If you aren't invited, then your husband should not go. There shouldn't be any sort of compromise on this one. The two of you need to make a stand together.

Thanks for the replies ladies and in no particular order here are a few notes in response to what I read:

1.) I was not expecting his father to pay for anything other than a $40 rehearsal dinner & the food is coming from Subway & I am getting my discount. I could have been a rude bitch and told him all 15 of us were eating at Olive Garden and he was footing the bill but I had FS just ask him to cover the food for $40 and he said no because of FSIL.

2.) About the trip, I talked more to FS and he is slowing understanding why I am upset and where I am coming from. (He is a little slow, mentally, so I bear with him & I ask that you all do, too.) I love him with all of my heart and it would have been nice if his Dad and Mom had invited him a few months ago when he was doing nothing sitting at home, but now its too late. And he admitted that his parents didn't invite him, his sister said he could come. Which means, FS will have to foot the bill for all things he wants/needs while there...

Therefore impossible since we simply don't have the money. But we've come to terms and agreed that we're both gonna save a lil out of each check and go to Disney together later next year as a belated honeymoon. But we are still going to try to go to Gatlinburg for 2 days after the wedding.

3.) He hasnt had a chance to talk to him Mom. They are all in the process of moving and she stayed home to pack boxes today and I lost the phone (while out shopping with my MOH) and he can't call her now so he is going to go see her tmw.

... I am slowly calming down from all of this but a few of my friends are upset over the entire situation still. but I understand why

Right now focus on you and your FS thats the most important thing. His sister sounds like she wants or enjoys stirring the pot considering she told you all about what FILs did for her wedding and then even though his dad didn't invite him she invited your FS and not you knowning it would piss you off.

For now, we're ignoring the drama. He is gonna try to get his mom there in a dress & we'll go from there. I never thought his family had a problem with me, but I guess their actions say more than I thought.

It takes 10 min. to change an outfit. start in the dress, leave the wedding 10 min earlier (when she isnt staying the whole night anyways, not a big deal if she leaves ten minutes earlier) and change into her uniform then.

Id say more, but its all been said. And your nicer than me...if FH told me his family had invited him on a vaca a month after the wedding andnot me...Id just start laughing. He wouldnt even have a chance to think I might go for that.

Families can be strange sometimes.

Amber, you are so right in every way !!! while they dont owe you anything, its only fair. i am a only child and have step brothers and a half sister, if my parents did something for one of them she did it for all of us. we always got the same amount of everything!!! my fh's parents are the same way. each kid gets 10 for a wedding and 10k for a house. my grandma gave me 5k towards the wedding and my dad said he can give me ''a few hundred here and there'' and never a set amount. it is so annoying. i can see how you think its wrong for them to do it for her and not you guys. it almost seems that he already has no faith and not even including you for a ''family vacay'' is rediculous!!! did they include fsil's husband for that stuff. he propably is bitter and mad if he hurt her and looks at it as a ''investment'' with his big bucks. i am so sorry that you have to go thru those feelings.