Broke up with my Best Friend

I know her decisions are shocking to you, and you're going to replay this over and over for a while. Her timing was horrible -- this is the final countdown to your wedding, and I doubt this is this kind of thing you wanted to be thinking about now. If it's any consolation, I don't think she feels good about what she's done. Life is rarely black or white, yet it is our tendency to see and interpret these deeply personal offenses in those terms. She may be trying to justify what she's done, but in her heart, she knows she let you down. What you're describing isn't really that uncommon -- serious boyfriends often come between two best friends when one of the friends is involved in a relationship the other thinks is toxic. He's having issues (whatever they may be), so she flew home to be with him (in her mind, that's devotion -- in your mind, it's betrayal). Again, don't misunderstand -- what she did was immature and cowardly, but I don't believe she did it without some anguish. She may realize that marrying this man is a mistake, but she's going to have to come to that decision on her own (and if she does, she's going to feel terribly guilty. Believe me, on Janaury 30 -- your wedding day -- she is not going to feel good about herself).

For now, I would write her a very simple note letting her know that this isn't the time to hash this thing out. Tell your BMs that you'd prefer to drop the subject -- and then drop it. Nothing will be solved by your bridal party telling you how awful your friend is. After the wedding and after the honeymoon, maybe you can open up the channels of communication (if you want to. The ball is in your court on that one). Your FH may want this handled now, but there are many layers to these intense female friendships -- and he cannot possibly understand the ways in which your hearts are connected. Take your time. Once your mind is clear, you'll know it.

Again, I'm sorry. I know this hurts.

I since some jealousy from your BF; though you may miss her; a best friend doesn't do this. Move on; life is too short for negative people in your life; my hubby & I are going on 17 years of marriage & now we are planning our vow renewal. I wish you nothing but blessings for your marriage as well; congrats to you.

Thank you both so much for the advice. Yeah FH says she is jealous bc she always competes with me. I'm just sad because she seems to have no guilt over it. Ugh and idk about rekindling friendship after wedding because FH hates her now.

Sucks that she did that. But don't let it ruin your day!!

Thank you!! I doubt I will think about it much on the day it just sucks because I lost a best friend

This just happened to me but I still have 6 months to my wedding. She completely decided at last minute that she was getting married in April and that she has her own wedding to focus on so she can't be a part of mine. The situation stinks but at least you know her true colors. Now that she is out of your life, she won't have any more opportunities to mess things up.

I'm sorry Andrea! People are so selfish! I'm sorry you had to go through it too. Are you keeping her as a friend??

Update: we decided to ask GMs gf and she knows the whole story! She is going to see about buying a dress and us expediting it, she was really excited I asked

Ugh I totally know how you feel. I'm so sorry this happened to you too. My bm had a "personal reason" she could only stay for the ceremony and pictures. I haven't spoken to her since the wedding because I am so hurt that she could be that selfish when she knew well in advance about my expectations, just show up and celebrate with us. My mom told me to find a replacement bridesmaid because she told me a week before she would only be there half the time, but I decided it's not worth it. No one missed her at the reception and you will still be happy surrounded by all your loved ones. It sucks, but it won't ruin your special day!

Hi Nikki - here you go! A couple of shots of our super lopsided bridal party!

Natassia, I'm so sorry that happened to you! She was very selfish! I don't get how our apparent best friends can do that, but like everyone else has said now we see their true colors. Shannon that came out really good and you look beautiful!

Nikki, I'm terribly sorry. That sounds terrible and I agree with everyone else that you should just leave the parties uneven (although I do see that you asked someone else anyway).

Natassia--honestly, I cannot believe you are judging your friend....and spreading her business on a public forum.

That is terrible of her to do, especially so close to your wedding. Sounds like you're better off without her.

Natassia...it would have been enough to say "personal reason".

Thanks for the support guys! It's been tough! I've been super emotional about the whole thing!

So sorry this happened to you. I went through drama when I was planning my wedding with my maid of honor who I thought was my friend. Sometimes things happen for a reason. This experience will help you evaluate who your "so called" friends are. I've learned that "true" friends would not mistreat you like this and will stick by you.

Thanks Gigi! FH said the same thing, it sucks letting someone go and removing them from your life. Like things are happening with work and I wanted to call her and tell her but than remembered what happened. FH says never talk to her again and my mom says maybe wait till after the wedding

Sometimes it's best to love people from a distance! She was wrong period!!

No you was not wrong for being mad at her. What she did was wrong and she know it was wrong and if she knew she did not want to be in your wedding she should have letting you know and she was wrong for selling her dress back.

@ Nikki, late to the party but you have every right to be upset and you have gotten a lot of love and support from everyone here so I hope you can go on to enjoy this special time.

I think centerpiece hit the nail, on the head. Sometimes the ones we love make baffling decisions or do things that seem to completely betray us and it hurts so so bad. But I have found there is usually so much more going on on their end and one day I bet she will ring you up and explain ( rightly or wrongly) how she came to the decision she made and if you are open to it maybe you two can start again and if not hey, you have your true best friend ( your FH) to walk beside you for the rest of your life now so hopefully you may find comfort in that.

@ Natassia, please keep in mind that these forums can be read by the public. Airing your friend's very very personal information may not be the best thing to do. e\Even if none of us know her personally you have posted so many pictures and information about yourself it wouldn't be that hard for someone who did to stumble upon this. Perhaps you can go back and edit that out? I know you are upset but she still doesn't deserve her dirty laundry being aired to strangers like this.