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VIP June 2015

Bring gift to reception after destination wedding that we're not attending?

C&S, on May 19, 2015 at 12:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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A close friend of mine is getting married later this year on a very far, very expensive tropical island. It would be about $5000 for us to attend, so FH and I RSVPed no. They are planning to have an at-home reception following the wedding, which we will absolutely attend. Do we bring a gift (aka cash)? It seems like we should, but....

I was talking to a friend that IS going to their DW, and she said that guests don't bring gifts/cash to DW's, because of the financial burden on the guests to attend. So the people that actually attend the wedding don't need to get them anything? But since we are only going to the at-home reception we need to bring a gift?

Not sure how this works. Advice?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by xxxxxx, on May 19, 2015 at 12:57 PM

Master October 2015
purplekitten · on May 19, 2015 at 12:34 PM
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I was gonna say that yeah, those going to the DW get out of buying a gift because they paid so much to be there. But when you put it like you did, it does seem kinda shitty that those who can't attend are supposed to bring a gift.
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Master October 2015
Laura · on May 19, 2015 at 12:34 PM
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Are they registered anywhere? If so, that to me would signal that a gift would be ok (and expected) to bring. Dang, where are they getting married??
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Master October 2015
purplekitten · on May 19, 2015 at 12:35 PM
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^ I second Laura's question, since I'm having a DW and couples can attend for under $2k.
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Master June 2015
Sara · on May 19, 2015 at 12:36 PM
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Do you want to give her a gift? Then give her a gift. Doesn't matter what other people do. That's not the point of gifts. That said, I highly doubt no one is getting them a gift at the DW. People are probably bringing cash, or sent it to their home beforehand. Maybe they didn't spend as much as they normally would for a local wedding, but I'm sure people are still getting them something.
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VIP June 2015
C&S · on May 19, 2015 at 12:37 PM
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No registry. We always give cash anyways.

They're getting married in Fiji.
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Master October 2015
Monica SC · on May 19, 2015 at 12:39 PM
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People do bring gifts to DWs, but cash is probably easier since it's easy to pack!

I would bring a gift to the reception.
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Master April 2016
Ostrich · on May 19, 2015 at 12:46 PM
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I'd bring a gift, but i'd bring a gift even if i was going. I give $100 if i don't attend the wedding, $200 if i do- so basically i'd give them $100, since you didn't techincally attend the wedding, if that makes sense?
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Master May 2016
EatKnitRun · on May 19, 2015 at 12:53 PM
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We were just in this situation (except we were only invited to the at home party not the DW) and brought a card with a check. We gave a little less than we would have if we attended a full wedding, not just the more casual at home reception.
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Expert August 2015
xxxxxx · on May 19, 2015 at 12:57 PM
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I would bring a gift (or at least a card) no matter what.
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