Bridesmaids Participation

I would like to add, I am not talking about day of roles. I am referring to the wedding planning up to the wedding

There is no required participation beyond standing up next to you at the wedding in an outfit the bride has chosen. If any bridesmaids want to host a shower or bachelorette party that is fine but not required. Bridesmaids should never help plan the wedding as that is the job of the people getting married. I say this as someone who has been a bridesmaid 14 times and had 10 bridesmaids of my own when I got married. My bridesmaids provided emotional support and we continued our individual friendships as usual, there was never any drama.

2. The bridesmaids are not at all required to help plan the wedding, they aren’t the ones getting married

Exactly what Kelly said. My bridesmaids are not expected to have any participation in the wedding planning as those decisions should be mine and my FH's. I invited them to go dress shopping with me on a couple of occasions, but it wasn't a requirement (I even went by myself when no one could join me). I already told my MOH (my sister) that if she wants to plan anything shower/party wise, she's free to, but I'm not expecting it from anyone. I'll just expect them to show up on the day of the wedding in a long gold/champagne dress of their choosing and be ready to support me as I say my vows (and then to be ready to have a great time afterward!)

Echoing the above sentiments as well.

Sure, I've asked my bridesmaids for their opinion on things from time to time--especially since one is already married and another is in the midst of planning her own wedding--but I have done 100% of the planning on my own.

You should definitely communicate the important things to your bridesmaids for logistics and such (date, location, timeline, what you'd like them to wear, hair & makeup details, etc.), but there's nothing else that they're required to plan. If you have bridesmaids that want to be more involved, and you're cool with it, then great!

I personally enjoyed planning on my own.

None of my bridesmaids are doing any planning for their wedding, it’s my and my fiancé’s wedding. We are planning it. My maid of honor (brothers wife) got married 2 years ago (i was a bridesmaid) and I didn’t plan a single thing for the wedding. I didn’t even know a lot of the details until we were there.
My maid of honor and mom are planning my shower and my bridesmaids are planning my bachelorette. We will talk dresses soon but other than that 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s not on them to do. Everyone has their own lives that don’t stop just because we are getting married. The bride and groom (and any contributing family members) plan the wedding.

I made a detailed spreadsheet that assigned tasks to each bridesmaid based on their strengths. As many have said on here when brides have struggled with uneven bridal numbers, bridesmaids aren’t placeholders or props which means more goes into their role other than just standing there. If that was the case I would just stand with my fiancé alone lol. Their role is to support you in the planning process as well. Luckily I have supportive friends and not just props to stand there the day of. As a multi time bridesmaids myself I’ve taken on many tasks and more happily for my brides as I wouldn’t feel comfortable just standing there and calling that support.

At the end of the day it’s your wedding and you should feel free to reach out for help when you need it for support from your bridal party. Don’t answer for them that they have a life of their own. Maybe they actually want to help and want some direction with what you need !

Second option for sure. If someone wants to be more involved with the planning or prep that should be up to them.

I'm team, "wait, and be thankful for whatever they offer to do." I think it is incredibly rude/over-stepping to assume/require wedding party members to "do" anything for you. Plan your own wedding. If people offer to host a shower/bachelorette/whatever, that is awesome, but absolutely NOT a "requirement." Firm believer that no one "has" to shop with the bride or do anything else.

People say bridesmaids aren't required to help but I think them offering is kind of nice. My bridesmaids offered help in things like stuffing envelopes for invites and what not. I didn't ask anyone for help other than opinions on ideas.

Tell them what they need to do! How else are they gonna know? Some people may know what’s expected of them as bridesmaids and others have no idea.
i sent out an email to all of my bridesmaids in Q&A format. I didn’t want to sound mean or controlling, but I also know that they will have questions about things like how I want them to do their makeup or what events they might be responsible to attend. It’s always better to be forthcoming with your expectations within reason than to have them just wondering and feel out of the loop.

Echoing the sentiments of letting your bridesmaids offer to help (if they want).

I don’t have a wedding party, but two of my best friends offered to throw my bachelorette/bridal shower. I’m also the MOH in an upcoming wedding, I’m throwing the parties and offered opinions but that’s it.

I feel like it is more my fiancé’s role to help stuff envelopes and help plan the wedding than my friends.

Start by asking if they want to help. I had a bridesmaid (before she later declined) get really upset that she felt like she wasn’t being included or being treated as part of the bridal party. I was over 1 year out and all I did was pick a dress and key vendors between my FH and I. She was invited to the dress appointment but she declined.

Its impossible to predict how excited they are to participate so it’s best to ask and find out. I felt blindsided by how purely upset and excluded she felt when really there was nothing happening at the time. If they do want to be involved, assign tasks for them.

I vote 2. I think bridesmaids should help the bride bc they're supposed to be the bride's closest friends so why wouldn't they want to help on the big day?
I have a group chat on fb messenger where I ask for any help or opinions I need. My bridal party has been great though. (Sorry bragging moment lol) they constantly offer to help with whatever they can and when I thank them, they say "We're your pack, it's what we do"

View Quoted Comment

"As many have said on here when brides have struggled with uneven bridal numbers, bridesmaids aren’t placeholders or props which means more goes into their role other than just standing there."

No, that's not what that means. They're not props because they should be chosen to honor their relationship with you. They stand next to you during the wedding as part of their role of honor. It's an honor and ceremonial role, not one that comes with tasks and duties.

View Quoted Comment To each his/her own

All of my bridesmaids have families and jobs. On the day to day that reigns supreme. As long as there happy to be a part of it and can handle the costs that is really all you get. Closer to ya wedding they'll be more hands on.

People on this forum will rip you to shreds for asking this question lol. The majority will say “how dare you expect them to do anything except buy the dress and show up” and “they are not obligated to help.” I don’t agree with this so let me share my two cents with you. You choose these people to honor them, acknowledge them as important people in your life & thank them for everything they’ve done for you. You are going to need help at one point or another during the planning process. You are not asking them to contribute financially but them showing up to a dress fitting with you or to a food tasting or florist consultation won’t hurt anyone. You want a second opinion so you go to the ones your closest to. I see nothing wrong with that. No shame in asking for help

1. My bridesmaids bought their dresses & showed up for getting ready the morning of the wedding. If they could afford it and had time, they attended my bridal shower & bachelorette. Those were literally their only jobs (besides the MOH that gave a speech).

2. Mine were kind & offered to do things, but I didn't take them up on it. It's not their job to plan our wedding, it was mine and my husband's. My mother helped with planning too, but other than that, that's it. One BM did my HAMU for the rehearsal dinner, that was super nice and I got her an extra gift for it. Then my MOH & BM planned my bachelorette but I helped and financially contributed.