Bridesmaid Meeting

Marquita let me help you out and I'll try to keep this sarcastic and snark-free as much as possible:

- First, you have to lose the attitude. The people on this site (brides and married women and men) are extremely knowledgeable and all have the same common goal: to help one another.

- With that being said, they're trying to save you from losing your friends. You're coming off as very bossy. That will not go well on this forum (or any forum) nor with your friends.

- Stop getting on the defensive. I'll go with the assumption that this is your first marriage and planning a wedding is something you've never done before (same with most of us). So there are a lot of things you don't know (I didn't know lots of things as well). What you want to do may sound reasonable and normal to you, but it's important to get difference perspectives. If 97 people tell you it's bad idea, then guess what? It's a bad idea.

- There are six pages of posters saying that they've never had a "bridesmaid meeting" and if they did it didn't involve what you are proposing. Doesn't a lightbulb go off in your head at some point and you say to yourself, "maybe I should re-think this"?

- Have you ever heard the saying, "you'll catch more bees with honey"? Being nice and kind on this site will get you a lot further than being rude and having a thick skull refusing to at the very least CONSIDER what the posters are trying to tell you.

Lastly - ditch this "meeting". Or at the very least, just get them together over some drinks and food and just use it as an opportunity for everyone to meet. Don't bring up budget, colors, shoes, etc. Talk to your BMs individually about their budget so they are not put on the spot. Although I know it looks nice in those wedding pictures you probably see on FB and IG, your BMs do not need to have matching shoes, jewelry, hair styles, etc. Let them get their dress and allow them to do what they want with their hair and shoes. You'll end up being a lot less stressed in the long run.

Holy crap! I'm impressed @Gymrat. I was totally expecting a lot of snark. Nicely done!

Hi Marquita,

Allow me to impart some wisdom about your meeting - wisdom as someone who is married, has been a BM, and who has been a poster on here for probably too long.

I think you're biting off a bit much with all of what you're planning for the meeting. It's got the setup of failure. You're presenting elaborate proposal boxes, and the girls will probably say yes. Then you'll present price lists and payment plans and such,and some may feel cold feet or slightly uncomfortable - but they have already said yes and therefore they may not feel comfortable. Then, over the course of your planning, some might start not replying to messages, not making payment deadlines, etc. because they're not really comfortable, but don't know how to tell you. And then you'll want to "fire" them and friendships will be ruined.

Ask them BEFORE your meeting - since you are dead set on having one - individually, and quietly discuss price ranges so that they know immediately without the pressure of everyone else there. Then, might I encourage you to not call it a meeting, but a lunch, for those who said yes previously. And just have a good time. You don't need to finalize stuff right now. And maybe make a Facebook group since you have 12 girls to keep track of.

I didn't have a meeting. I had a lunch with my three girls. We ate tacos and talked colors and happy stuff. We got our calendars together to look at dresses together (which didn't pan out, but I didn't complain because life happens).

And some of my girls flaked. One didn't come to my shower. Two bailed the day of our first dress appointment. But they were my friends. Them being there was important and I know life gets in the way.

So, my final advise: Be flexible and be forgiving throughout this entire process.

All in favor of the navy blue strapless dresses say, "I". All opposed....

Sorry. Dumb joke. Here's my advice. Remember that these are your friends and treat them accordingly.

You don't need to hold a meeting, but since you are going to...

Hold off for a couple of months until you are for sure for sure these are the women you want.

Show them the dresses, let them give their opinions. BUT don't kick them out if they are not in line with yours.

Give them some dates of when different appointments are. BUT don't require them to be there.

Talk about the shoes and the hair you'd like. BUT don't require them to buy those exact shoes or to pay to get their hair pro done.

If you want hair, make up, nails for the women, you pay.

Don't mention anything about showers or Bach parties. That is up to them if they host something for you. You don't get to be involved in that planning.

I also don't recommend a group proposal. Ask them individually.

Last but not least. Provide them with wine and snacks at this 'meeting'. Or some kind of booze.

For gymrat

LOL

Nicely said @gymrat

OP I can't wait for your post in a few months about how all your bridesmaids aren't listening to your demands and now you want to kick them out and replace them

@Gryffin - I think I shall make one not-so-snarky post a month. That's my limit! LOL!

I'm interested to read your inevitable "HELP, my bridesmaids are dropping out can I replace them?" thread.

My jaw dropped at the beginning but what really struck me is that you feel all these are REQUIRED. That is not how this works. These are your nearest and dearest (which I'm thinking you may be short a few after this) not your slaves. I bet OP is replacing the girls who say no after they're humiliated in front of a group.

Also wtf to @ash7898 "keeps them in compliance" .. When did I become their employer?

@gymrat

Also @GymRat always on point

I'm curious what this meeting is as well! We had our bridal party together during our engagement party but I am just doing a group text so we can find a date that works for everyone to go dress shopping. Besides that, I am not requiring anything of them other than the rehearsal and wedding.

Oh for fuck's sake. It astounds me that there are people who think it's acceptable to be so demanding of their bridal parties and treat them so poorly. These are supposed to be the people who are your nearest and dearest, why would you treat them as if they are insignificant and replaceable?

For those who think that their precious "vision" (I want to vomit every time I see that word) is so damn important that it trumps people - why don't you just hire models to be your bridal party and provide them with the required "uniform" for them to wear? That way you get your perfect pictures and don't treat your friends and family like servants.

All of my bridal party "meetings" involve tequila and bourbon...sometimes there is food.

The purpose of the role of bridesmaid is for you, the bride, to honour them, your nearest and dearest. This sounds like such a bad plan. You're putting everyone on the spot by asking them together and discussing prices in a group. Personal budgets are personal, please respect that.

Also they just pay for the dress. If you want hair and nails you pay.

She's probably at her meeting right now. Then she'll come back and tell us how successful it was and how all of her girls agreed to everything.

Except that it might still not end up well in the long run.

I'm still stuck on payment plan!

My FRIEND wants me to talk to her about how poor I am in front of 6 other girls?

At original poster at least you didn't post and ghost so kudos to you.

Ewwww! A to do list. Bless your heart. Read up on etiquette, that's my advice.