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Beginner February 2019

Bridesmaid Asking the Impossible

Alexandria, on January 30, 2019 at 1:14 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 25
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I’ve been on the verge of tears for the past 24hrs because I can’t make one of my best friends happy. She’s asking the impossible for a bridesmaid dress. I found one that’s $80 (it will need a lot of alterations) the other girls (and me) love, but she has a very different body type than the other girls and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or not pretty in the dress, which she said she will feel. She wants a long sleeve, modest dress, costing $50 or less.

I thought of the option of having everyone pick out their own dress they want from a website online, that way the colors and material is matching but everyone gets something they feel pretty in (and I don’t have to deal with drama because I have really bad anxiety already and this is making it worse). However, nothing on that website is long sleeve, and she doesn’t want to be cold (it’s a winter wedding, and even though I’m buying them expensive fur wraps as gifts, she’s still concerned). And the dresses are $100-140, so I’d end up having to buy her dress for her.

Help, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable, or feel like I’m catering to the “skinny” girls and not caring about her, because I really do care about her opinion, a lot. She would have been my maid of honor if I didn’t have my cousin being my MOH. I don’t know what to do Smiley sad

25 Comments

  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    Have you explained to her that you're having trouble finding a dress in her price range? Since she's being so specific ask her to look for dresses she likes that fit her specifications and see if you can find any middle ground.

    Also have you tried any other websites? I fear it will be difficult to find a website that has many bridesmaids dresses for $50 or less, but it's always worth looking around. I would definitely task her with trying to find a dress she likes though. You're trying to be accommodating but she should be willing to put in a little effort as well.


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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I went with Azazie and picked a color, fabric & length and the girls picked their own dresses so they felt most comfortable (I have 9 bridesmaids and all are way different in sizes). But they are from $99-$169. I think it will be VERY hard to find one for $50 that is good quality and won't need alterations. Maybe on Amazon? Will she be able to afford other bridesmaids costs like bridal shower & bachelorette, if she can't afford the dress?

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  • A
    Beginner February 2019
    Alexandria ·
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    Azazie was the website I was looking at! I did order a few options off Amazon, but they were disappointing. Bad quality, and the smallest size Amazon sells is “small” which even a small is huge for the other girls.
    Honestly I have no idea if she’ll be able to afford other bridesmaid costs... Smiley sad
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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    KohKoh on Amazon has a lot of beautiful dresses for plus size (up to 3x) highest price is about $60
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I assume no, if she has only $50 for a dress? Has she ever been a bridesmaid before or did anyone talk to her about the cost?

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  • A
    Beginner February 2019
    Alexandria ·
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    I thought I explained it, but maybe I wasn’t as clear as I needed to be with her. I’ve been hunting for dresses everywhere - I even tried Amazon! - but no go. Any dress that she finds, the rest of the bridesmaids, and me, think it looks outdated or cheap. I feel at such a lossSmiley sad
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  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
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    I honestly let the girls pick whatever dress they wanted as long as it’s the same color and length. The #1 thing I was worried about was them being uncomfortable, so it worked out good that way. I didn’t even tell them it had to be from the same store.
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  • A
    Beginner February 2019
    Alexandria ·
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    Thanks for letting me know! All the dresses I found on Amazon started at size “small” which wouldn’t work for the other bridesmaids, they need an x-small. It looks like this brand has x-small as well as other sizes! Thanks for the recommendation Smiley smile
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  • A
    Beginner February 2019
    Alexandria ·
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    She hasn’t been a bridesmaid before. I kinda assumed she’d understand the cost though, since she’s helped plan other people’s weddings, so I didn’t talk to her about it. Is that a conversation I should have?
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  • A
    Beginner February 2019
    Alexandria ·
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    How did you ensure that the dress fabrics, or the shades of colors, matched? I’d love to do that option, but I’m worried about the shades of red clashing, or the fabric looking weird together (like if a girl picks satin, another picks velvet, another picks chiffon)?
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  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
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    $50 is not much for a dress, but I do think it's possible, but totally depends on style. However, if there will be alterations, those generally add an additional $25-70+.

    If I were in your shoes, I would pick out one that might be the best of the worst on that site for her. And if by a certain date the two of you are unable to find one that tops it, to go ahead and order that one you've both selected.

    It seems that you have asked her to find one or show you some that feels good for her and you think look outdated or cheap. Can you share those? What color and style are your other ladies wearing?

    I totally get that you want to get to other things on your plate, and I do empathize with your friend, however, at what expense does it become your main task. Perhaps some of us fellow WWers can help hunt, too, between us all, we've probably seen everything on the internet.

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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    They're a good quality too! I bought one to wear to a wedding as a guest and I love it! My girls ordered from there too.
    • Reply
  • S
    Dedicated January 2019
    Sandy ·
    • Flag

    Anyone tried ebay? Pick a seller with good reviews and give them a shot? The price are really affordable...

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  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
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    The best way to match colors when buying dresses from different sellers is to get the same fabric. Like all in satin, or all in chiffon, whatever fabric you like best. Then any difference in shade should be minor, and won't be noticeable.

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  • K
    Dedicated May 2019
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    My best friend is bigger than my bridesmaids and her dress is going to be different than the rest. She’s also my maid of honor so it makes sense. She has the same concerns your friend seems to have. However, she understands that it’s my wedding and she wanted it to ultimately be my choice. We compromised and we’re both happy. You’re already helping a lot just by giving them fur wraps. That should honestly solve the long sleeve problem. It also will be difficult to find a dress under $50, especially after alterations and with long sleeves. Maybe you could still find something on the cheaper side and be willing to pay for half? Or some amount of it? I would hope she could accept at least not having long sleeves if she didn’t have to pay for the whole thing.
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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    OP this

    Go with a neutral or near neutral color- black, navy, blush, burgundy, taupe, champagne, gold, silver. Choose a general length, knee or long, and then don't give it a second thought. The colors won't "match" but they will "go". Happy, comfortable, confident bridesmaids will look infinitely better, in person and in pictures, than ones faking a smile.

    Be a great friend and be kind to them. Let them dress for their own comfort. If they ask for approval tell them "if you're happy, I'm happy." Exception being if the dress is completely inappropriate for the event. For example, a tight, backless dress, with a neckline cut down to the waist, would be inappropriate for a church wedding. Or a cotton sundress wouldn't work for a black tie event.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Yes, I would have it with her. I did with all my BM prior and several had already been in weddings before. I just estimated dress, alterations, travel, hotel, etc. and said they would have to talk to MOH about bridal shower & bach cost.

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  • AJ
    VIP September 2018
    AJ ·
    • Flag
    I don't know what color you want, but eShakti currently has some pretty long sleeve maxi dresses for around $50. They go sizes 0-36 and are custom made to your height for no extra cost.
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  • Tammy
    Super October 2018
    Tammy ·
    • Flag

    We found our BM dresses on amazon and they were good quality and under $50 and in a range of sizes. However it sounds like maybe she's being so overly picky that there is something else going on? Since she can't afford more then a $50 dress is it possible she realized the other expenses that she might have and is in some weird way attempting to back out? Maybe sit down and talk with her? I don't know if I would point out that she might not be able to afford hosting a shower or bachelorette maybe there are other ways she can pitch in if the other girls are willing to help and know up front she can't financially help? And maybe if this is the issue you can work it out and just cover the $40 difference on the dress everyone else likes?

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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    This is what I was thinking. It's sounds like there honestly might be something else going on. I think your plan to let the girls pick what dress they want within a brand/fabric/style is a good idea and gives the girls plenty if options. Sit down and have a talk with her as friend and see what going on. If she truly can't afford the dress maybe think about subsidizing (I.e. She pays $50 and you pick up the rest). As for the sleeves, there are plenty of options for adding sleeves to the dress (a jacket, a shawl like you said etc).
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