bridal shower gift vs wedding gift - I'm confused

Shower gifts do not necessarily have to be for your home. We did a "Pamper the Bride" shower for my daughter. People brought all types of things, from bath oils and lotions to sleepwear and even a picnic set.

You can also do a "Fill the Pantry" shower were people literally bring food related items. Or "Build a Bar". Lot's of ideas.

Also, I agree with those who do not like the cutesy poems asking for money. IMHO, tacky, no matter how you ask for money.

I went to a shower where her mom/aunt threw it and they 'designated gifts' according to your last name. For example; A-E were to buy things related to the home (ie...towels/kitchen stuff) F-k something for her (bath/body) L-P something for him (ie..lingere) and so on and so on...she even had a category for the "rainy day fund" It was different. It was also in a poem form. Turned out really nice. I didnt hear any complaints. I guess you should just kinda gage your guests.

I've had friends put "gift cards" on their registry--along with other things like towels, pots and pans, etc. ...it was a way to say we want money without the cutesy poem. People will get the idea when they go to Target/bedbathbeyond/etc to buy a gift and see everything is taken except a $50 gift card...

At least register for enough gifts for the shower--you could always put a "honeymoon" fund box at the wedding and people will get the hint too.

I've been confused by the difference between shower and wedding gifts too. Often, when there is no theme to the shower, I buy a gift off the registry and then another from it for the wedding. Some brides insist on not having a shower because it felt like asking for gifts twice. So you may want to do a theme for the shower if you dp a regular wedding registry.

And it is considered bad form to straight out ask for money unless that's normal for your culture or family. However, there are ways to politely do this. If you have a reason like saving up for a house, your honeymoon, etc., you can have a small traditional registry and have people spread the word you are saving up for the goal you have in mind (and be sure to then use the money for that, otherwise people feel cheated). There are also registries out there that allow you to list things like honeymoon activities, saving up for a house, etc. See honeyfund.com, uponourstar.com, wednest.com, myregistry.com, etc.

If my MOH is giving me a bridal shower I think my girlfriends would bring whatever they want (probably lingerie) but for the wedding I'm simply not going to register and let my guest know that insted of registering their gift could be helping us get to our dream honeymoon. It's your wedding and if the normal etiquette isn't what you want don't do it. It's really up to you and no one but you and you're fiance should have a say. Have fun

If the only thing you want is money, you really can't have a shower. The whole point of a shower is that people bring presents, and you open them all up and show them around. Showing your shiny new checks is not going to work.

I honestly can only think of one scenario where asking for money wouldn't be rude. And that's for those people who will be getting married in one part of the world and then moving to another part after the wedding. The reason I don't feel this would be as rude is because they'll have to then pay to have your gift shipped to whereever they're moving. It would truly suck to receive a gift that YOU have to then pay to have shipped a short time later. My future in-laws are headed to Arizona from SC at this very moment. They had to spend over $1000 on the U-Haul and then nearly $10,000 to have the rest of their house moved. I don't know about you, but $11K is a lot of money to spend on moving your stuff. And that's only about 2000miles away. Can you imagine moving to another country? It might be cheaper to just sell everything you own and buy new stuff when you get there.

So anyway, you could let people know that if they really want to get you gifts, to either hold off until after you've moved and then get stuff that can be shipped to you directly so you don't have to pay for the moving fee, or they can get you money or gift cards and let you know what they're for (I'm sending you X amount of money so you can get that Kitchenaid mixer you want.) Just my opinion on the matter.

I can completely understand where you are coming from Ms G. FH and I do not have a house and he actually has a job that requires us to move every year or so. When we go to a spot, we are given a fully furnished apartment and all the little things to go along with it. Since we have no idea where we will eventually settle down, there is no way of knowing how we'll want to decorate the house. We registered for things that everyone needs no matter what...pots, pans, dinnerware, and flatware. And for things we want that aren't necessarily for the house...pedometers, tent, sleeping bags, cooler, travel coffee mugs, and GPS. We are also doing a honeymoon registry. Maybe if you are planning on taking a honeymoon, you can do something like that.

We have a honeymoon registry. It's a nicer way to ask for money if people "see" what it's going towards.

Since we're not registered for "real things", my MOH is throwing me a lingerie shower. She is, however, letting people know of our honeyfund registry by adding a little card saying something like "if you also wish to shower the future Mr. & Mrs. with some wedding presents, please visit...." and then people will see we want monaaaay.

We will register after our wedding, for our hometown reception (we're having a DW). Just a couple little things we would like to have. We may get them, we may not, so we're not stressing about it

Oh wow...thank you everyone. Some great advice here.

this was sooooooooooooo helpful.

I like the theme idea for the shower.

I also like the idea of not having one at all that way people won't feel obligated to give a gift at the shower then money at the wedding.

but the theme idea sounds great.

Thank you everyone

I'm glad I did my rude cutesy poem. I already have so many dishes, pots, and everything I could need in a home, and honestly my house just seemed to get more cluttered with the wedding gifts I did receive. I do have plenty of plates for future children to break though. I had two showers with my side of the family being your traditional shower and I did have a registry. Maybe it's wrong but people bought me things that were not on my registry and kinda made me upset, because I felt like they kinda wasted their money, and I registered at places like Walmart and convenient to everyone. I had items reasonably priced too. My other shower was a couples shower for husbands side of the family. They only wanted to help us out and understood that we both have houses filled with items. So with their money most of my destination wedding was paid for including the photographers, the venue, and the honeymoon cabin. I read alot of things on here about etiquette, and I just don't agree.

Well most of my family will be happy to just give money - many of them live out of town, out of state, out of country and find it easier to just write a check.

(they've told me that.)

i was just worried that the local family who want to also give money are gonna be strained to give at the shower too. now that i am learning that the 2 gifts are different. The theme idea will take care of that. people can just pick up something inexpensive to go along with the theme.

for me the shower is just an opportunity to be together and have fun.

Mrs. Paula C.: I am with you. I am planning on putting a poem on my invites and also word of mouth. Most of my family and friends already know that we prefer monetary gifts or no gifts at all. I personally would in no way be offended if I recieved an invitation suggesting money instead of gifts, I would actually be relieved that I dont have to go shop and that what I give will be what they want a put to good use. So many people end up with all this stuff they dont want and never use; in my opinion a waste of money. Some ppl are the etiquette type, I think and most my friends my age agree that nowadays its ok to suggest money and most of the etiqutte things are "old school". But to each their own and its your wedding so do what makes you happy!! Glad to know the poem thing worked for you. We are going to use the money to help pay the wedding debt, and towards our honeymoon!!

I do have a gift idea to share. My Dreamlines wedding dress sketch. It has been a hit- two times now. It is perfect from the wedding party as we all shared the cost. The other time I gave it it was just from me and it was for the shower and wedding gift. I don't think the couple minded only receiving one gift.