bridal shower gift vs wedding gift - I'm confused

I come here for support.....so I am really looking forward to some advice on this.

Honestly, you can't ask for monetary gifts. I'd recommend a small registry for the shower if nothing else. Everyone can use new towels and a few other replaceable items.

But people want to get you a gift for the shower! You need to give them ideas of your home's colors or you end up with bride and groom potholders (I got 2 sets with my first wedding!).

Ok i am doing the same thing with my wedding as far as the monetary gifts. Our invitations even have a cute little poem that suggests that we want money instead of a gift. The bridal shower is a completely different event. Only women attend the bridal shower. Mine is lingerie them so all my girlfriends are going to bring my lingerie, but you can go with any theme, like cooking, or makeup, whatever you like. The guests still have to buy you a wedding gift "ie money" for the wedding. I have separate invites for my shower and the actual wedding. I think if maybe you pick a theme it will be easier, but in general people know to get a gift for each event. I would not set up a registry tho because it could get confusing.

From what I have researched you cant straight out ask for money, but its acceptable to have a cute poem, or word of mouth as well. If you dont set up a registry most ppl will ask someone in your party for advise on what to get you and they can tell them what you prefer... money. In my case the parents and bridal party know that they are to spread the word when asked.

Me too....my family knows it's money.

i included my phone number in the invitations so people may call me to ask.

To many guests even the cutesy poems are seen as tacky. I would register for a few things like Meghan said.

But i think my MOH would feel odd asking for money at the bridal shower....lingerie is good idea...

i didn't think of the shower being a theme....i will suggest that to my MOH....

Yes we made a small registry...

As far as the monetary gift I guess it depends on who is attending your wedding. Mine is family and close friends and they know that we literally just bought our home and all that goes in it and really dont need anything. Plus part of our culture is that all the family contributes some money to the wedding. I personally know that my guest wont be offended but just use your best judgement... you know your guests.

I didn't make any mention of gifts or money at all in the invitations (my mother is upset about that but whatever)

so for the bridal shower is it ok to include our registry in some and whatever else others?

For the shower people like to get you gifts so they can see you open them. Usually for the wedding you will get more monetary gifts if you spread the word of mouth about that one.

@ meghan - thats my problem I don't have the home yet. so i have no idea what our colors will be. it was tough doing the registry boy oh boy......fh and I went crazy trying to figure out things......lol

@ katy.....oh so it is different....ok

I understand the color scheme problem, FH and I have no idea where we will be living after we get married so we went with neutral colors that we like. You can always paint a bathroom to match!

Your shower guests will appreciate a registry so they don't have to guess.

Yes we are making a small registry for the shower, and by the time the wedding comes the shower should be exhausted, which leads to nothing more than money at the wedding!!

I personally think that even a cutesy poem asking for money is not just tacky, its rude. not to offend anyone at all who has done this or will do this, its your choice and you know your family and friends and how they will react to something like that. but if i received something like that, i would be just dazed. it would upset me that somewhat is inviting me to something where i know im supposed to bring a gift and then they try to tell me what gift to give. i am a firm believer that a registry is just an outline. the registry for me at least is for people who want to give a gift that will help the couple set up their home, its easier if you know what the bride and groom need. i love when people buy interesting things they find that would be a cool gift as well. I really dont want to step on any ones toes at all. im not judging anyone. I just, for me, i couldn't say or hint at please bring cash. a gift is a personal choice and youwouldnt send out a bdayinvitethatsaidcashonly

Jessica- I'm with you. A cutesy poem asking for money is just as rude as writing "I want your cash" on the invite. I am doing a cutesy poem, but specifically asking that we not get any sort of gift. Acceptable- probably not, but I'm still doing it.

If you don't know where you will living, then you need a registry even more! You can pick a whole coordinating bathroom set. Do you have a bedding set? Cookware? That's the whole point of a registry. To get you things in your style that you selected for setting up your home.

I will third that sentiment on even a cutesy poem is rude. One never asks for money.

Like Jessica W, I also use a registry as an outline, not as dictations of what I should buy.

Also, like Meghan, this is not our first wedding, and it is a DW, so we consider their prescence a present. However, I decided against using Meghan's cute poem(seriously, get her to share it.). I would prefer no mention of gifts...period.

Or when you get tired of following etiquette, just do what you want to! You know your family best. I have been invited to and went to many weddings where the bride did some really bad things (etiquette wise), but I never knew it until I became a bride! Like FH cousin who got married and put his name first on their invitations. Some etiquette is good to follow though. Don't be like my old roomate who finally sent out generic thank you notes 9 months after her wedding!

I'll fourth the loathing for cutesy poems. I think if you're grown enough to get married, you better be grown enough to diplomatically ask for what you want without resorting to Precious Moments gimme-gimme treacle. (Sorry, i just HATE "I have lots of stuff, so gimme money" poems - I feel like I'm being bullied for money by a sentient Hallmark card.)

I would do a small registry, or skip the shower entirely. No one says you HAVE to have one. Alternatively, you could do a nontraditional shower. Such as items for the honeymoon (resortwear, lingerie, etc) or a recipe shower/potluck where everyone brings a dish, and the recipe for that dish.