Bridal Party Advice

View Quoted Comment You are perceiving me as behaving entitled. You are a stranger on the internet who wants to point out someone’s faults because it makes you feel better about yourself. If my friends and or family viewed me as entitled I don’t think they would’ve accepted being in my wedding. As I said in my previous message you have a good day

I don’t really want to re-read all of the back forth in your comment sections, so I will give my perspective on your original post. I understand you feel alone in the process and if you really don’t have anyone else besides your partner, it will just feel lonely. That’s just how it is. It’s going to be like that for me as well. I’ll be across the country planning my wedding (that’s in another state) with my partner.


I can’t speak for the future, but all of my friends (who I want to be in the bridal party, haven’t asked them yet), are living in my hometown. I would love it if my friends could take a mini trip across the country to hang out with me for a little weekend getaway for a bachelorette party. However, like you, I want to consider my friends financial needs and time they can spend. If it’s easier, I could fly back and we could do a girls trip with them. If neither of these things happen, it’s still okay with me. I don’t really expect anything from anyone and I honestly prefer to plan everything by myself. As the friend who always initiates every planning event with my friends, I kinda got used to it.
As someone who isn’t me, I can see why planning and coordinating kinda sucks. For your bridesmaid who wouldn’t pick up her dress, honestly, that’s a her problem. That’s not your fault. You can remind her all you want, but unless you get it for her, it’s on her. Personally, if I could just get it, I would. Then just leave at my place till she decides to get it. My best word of advice to you is be direct, as best you can. Some people just can’t take hints. That’s just a fact. You can’t control how someone will react for you being direct. That’s up to you to wager.
I mean I can’t get into the rules about proper etiquette because I have never been in a bridal party. If what people say is true, and that they don’t have any obligation to do anything, then just sit back and focus on your own planning. Don’t worry about the parties, you still have a few months to go before you should even here anything about it. Hope this sorta helps.

View Quoted Comment I really appreciate someone kindly trying to help me with a solution. My partner does his best to be there for me but for work I have been living away from him as well for the past 8 months so it’s been very difficult and isolating for me to feel like I am in this alone. I love my bridal party and picked each of them for a reason. But I am just like you very type A and a planner (which is why this is weighing on my mind so early on). I like to plan and have every thing in order months in advance. It did cross my mind to pick up the dress for her but the shop is about 4-5 hours from where I live currently so would be quite a trip for me. I think I will wait a little bit longer (as you said there is plenty of time) and then just be direct and make it known that I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings but just want to get everything in order. Thanks for commenting. Much appreciated

Hi Taylor,

I understand your disappointment and frustration. My advice to you is to not let this take your joy. You're getting married!!! This is a great time for you and your partner-celebrate that!

People are not going to meet your expectations and will let you down-This is true in all aspects of life. Not to be negative in any way... it's just the way things are.

I am personally disappointed at my mother's attitude and lack of interest in planning my wedding. She's been starting fights with me and ruining every wedding-related event with her BS- so I stopped inviting her and cut her out of the planning. I can't control her attitude. I can only control mine.

Enjoy those little moments planning your wedding and try not to stress. Everything will work out- maybe not how you had hoped... but they will work out the way they are supposed to.

-M

View Quoted Comment Thank you for this comment. I am sorry to hear about your mother. It definitely is disappointing to have someone you thought would be one of the most excited for you to be causing you unnecessary stress. I envisioned relying more heavily on my friends than family because my family is the type that had really small weddings (mostly at a courthouse) so they don’t see the point in having all the bells and whistles but you are right I can only control my attitude. I am very happy to be marrying my partner and I hope I don’t come across as not excited to be marrying him because I am. And I know ultimately that’s all that matters.

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You are no different than any bride! It can be stressful, but I am sure you see this as a happy time. Its times like these, unfortunately, where people have the opportunity to let you down.

It's ok, us brides need to stick together!!

View Quoted Comment Yes we do. I appreciate the support!

View Quoted Comment That’s not necessarily true. You’re the one who is currently frustrated and upset with your closest friends, but refusing to consider the possibility that they may be equally frustrated with you at this point.


Weddings can bring out a different side of people. You see it all the time. You can be disappointed that your bridal party live out of town and have busy lives or tight finances. But as much as you deny it you have a flawed understanding of your role. Whether you came to that view because you’ve seen other brides get enthusiasm and eagerly hosted parties you want is beside the point.

Your argument reminds me of brides who say I “deserve” a big, fancy wedding but I can’t afford one and won’t do without so I will ask my guests tobring food, or pay for their own food or drinks. Hosts need to throw a party they can afford or it doesn’t happen. Similarly, if your friends haven’t offered you a shower, you don’t get to ask them to work the event and if there’s been no talk of a bachelorette you may not get one.

You can be disappointed of course but I think you’d be happier if you cut the word “deserve” out of your vocabulary in this situation. If you want to go down that road, your friends didn’t “deserve” a list of non-existent obligations and contrary to what you think, no one here thinks you “deserve” to lose friendships.

With respect to obligations, you claim opinions vary but the truth is there is very little if any difference on the subject between reputable etiquette authorities both historically and now. The responsibility the party has is minor, to attend rehearsal if possible, show up in the agreed upon dress, help with small tasks on the day, and stand with you during the ceremony. Contrary to your belief hair and makeup are optional, too. Again, any involvement in pre-wedding parties is generous and voluntary, not obligatory.

View Quoted Comment I thought I made it clear that our conversation was done and over with. You are trying to shame and make people feel bad about themselves and I’m not here for it. Clearly there are other commenters who have given me actual thoughtful advice and support without demeaning me, calling me names, attacking my character or making me feel unseen and unheard. I would appreciate if you would stop commenting thanks

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I think that's a big part of the problem here. You don't have authority or control over your wedding party or on a public forum. I have not once called you names or attacked your character, and I've seen and heard everything you've said. What I have done is challenged the accuracy of your statements and some of your actions. You don't want me to comment because it makes you feel uncomfortable but everything I've said was with your best interests in mind.

Besides, you made a comment that called for a reply, namely that your bridal party would not have accepted the role if they thought you were an entitled person. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. As I said, I'm sure you've been a great friend in other situations, but weddings can bring out differences in people that were not apparent before. If you and your friends don't see the role the same way then there's a good chance you'll end up with misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

View Quoted Comment You have called me entitled rude unreasonable and inappropriate. I am asking for human decency by kindly asking you not to continue posting on my forum but instead of trying to be a nice person and grant that request you continue to try to win an argument

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It's the current behavior and actions that are inappropriate etc. and only with respect to this situation. I don't know you at all and I'm not impugning your overall character.

View Quoted Comment Again you could show some decency and compassion and stop commenting