Bridal Party Advice

View Quoted Comment No one is expecting anything for “free” money was never even brought up. It’s effort and enthusiasm. Did you get that at your wedding? I think that’s something everyone deserves on the biggest day of their lives and no one is going to convince me otherwise

View Quoted Comment I appreciate this comment but I struggle being direct. I don’t want to rub any of my friends or family the wrong way or feel like I’m pressuring them for anything. This definitely isn’t a situation I would like to ruin any relationships over because at the end of the day I am still going to get married and that is truly what matters. I just want people to put in some effort and be excited and into it which I guess might be too much to ask for

View Quoted Comment Sorry about that, you’re right. I meant that for the OP.

View Quoted Comment You very well may be a great friend in other ways and at other times, but you are only thinking of yourself with respect to this situation. We don’t need to know you or your friends to say that your expectations with respect to a bridal party are inappropriate.

View Quoted Comment It’s inappropriate to want support and enthusiasm for a big day in your life? To ask for your bridesmaid to not let her dress sit at the bridal shop for a month so they are calling me and unnecessarily stressing me out?

View Quoted Comment Support on the day, yes. Not their job to plan a shower or parties for you and being out of town it’s understandable that it would be difficult.


The shop should have called her, not you. Being they called you, all you had to do was pass along a message. Anything else was up to her.

View Quoted Comment They did call her. Twice in fact. And only called me after they were getting ready to send the dress back. So would you consider that support or doing their only job of buying a dress and showing up?

View Quoted Comment

You're not getting married for 5 months. I'm sure she wasn't feeling the urgency on that. I don't honestly know what you're expecting from these people.

Anyway it's irrelevant because you're convinced you're right and as soon as one person even remotely agrees with you, you'll have the validation that you seem to want.

In the meanwhile, you really can't tell people how to post on your threads if they're within the rules of the board.

View Quoted Comment Was the dress store out of town for her? Maybe she couldn’t get there for a few weeks. If so, it doesn’t sound like a big deal and either way, seems to me there was more than plenty of time. All you had to do is say your friend would be picking up the dress and to please hold onto it. I’m not sure why the place was threatening to send it back or why she didn’t hear or answer the calls but I’d be more annoyed with the store TBH. The way people communicate these days she may have never listened to messages or recognized the number.


This would not have bothered me in the least. It meant one message or call to your friend. I have no doubt she would have figured it out for herself before the wedding if you hadn’t.

View Quoted Comment She was aware of the store policy when she purchased the dress. If she didn’t feel the “urgency” she didn’t have to have me drive 3 hours to go dress shopping with her so early on in the process. I was kindly asking people for a different opinion but people wanna get nasty on the internet with a stranger they don’t know because they can hide behind their keyboard.

View Quoted Comment I drove to the places my bridesmaids lived so they could have their dresses ordered at the bridal shop closest to them. When the dress was purchased they told her the store policy that if it is not picked up within a certain time it will be sent back and she had a date on the receipt to expect the shipment. She knew the dress was ready. As we went with another bridesmaid for the same appointment who had picked up her dress weeks prior. I asked her if she had picked her dress up yet and she told me no 2 weeks later the shop was calling me. So how can I be mad at the shop when they made their policies clear? The shop is 20 minutes from her house.

View Quoted Comment OK, that’s fair as far as the store and yes she should have picked it up but in the scheme of things it’s really nothing to stress out about, especially this far ahead. You made a phone call. If losing track of the date she was supposed to come in is the worst thing she ever did she’s not so terrible. In your place I’d have made the call and not thought about it again.

View Quoted Comment Well you’re not in my place are you? Did little things not stress you out before your day? When you have a full time job working 60+ hours a week it’s unnecessary anxiety when it’s simple enough to pick up a dress that is ready for you so people don’t have to bother the bride who is having to worry about everything else. Again goes back to effort and enthusiasm if everyone’s argument is they have to get a dress and show up then that is an unspoken expectation that I shouldn’t have to worry about.

“I am feeling frustrated as my bridal party has not taken any initiative to coordinate anything or help me in any aspect of the planning or festivities.”

-it is not the bridal party’s job to coordinate anything for you or help plan your wedding/festivities. This is something you and your spouse should be doing. And if you are in need of extra help, you should consider hiring a wedding planner.
“Half of them will not be attending my shower for various reasons. Another told me she was too busy to help with the shower/planning because of work.”
-Completely valid. Showers are optional parties and your WP members live out of town/out of state. And an optional party doesn’t trump work obligations.
“No one has mentioned a peep about the bachelorette.”
-Again, this is an optional party and not a requirement of your bridal party. If you really want a night out with your girls, organize one! Find a night that works with their schedules and plan a fun evening.
I understand being excited about your wedding. It’s the most exciting thing in your life right now! And when we are really excited about something, we want our friends to share in it. And while I’m sure they are happy for you, they are not going to be as excited as you are. Most people are excited when you announce the engagement, when you ask them to be a BM, then again during the week or 2 leading up to the wedding. Thats natural and it doesn’t mean they aren’t happy/supportive, or make them bad friends or BMs… it just means they have their own lives to focus on. I would suggest focusing on planning with your fiancé, and enjoying this super exciting time together! It goes really fast, and you will never get this time back. You don’t want to look back on your wedding planning experience and realize you allowed trivial things to spoil your experience.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate the sentiment but like I said previously I never asked anyone to do anything they hadn’t already agreed upon. It’s tacky and gift grabby to throw your own shower. My grandma had that covered but I asked people who were going to be there to help her set up so it wasn’t all on her. I have never once said my friends are bad friends. I understand their world does not revolve around my wedding or all the extras that come with it. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for to give ideas for a bachelorette and a time that works for everyone. Text messages have gone ignored and unanswered. My fiancée and I are planning just fine and have not asked anything of anybody in help for the actual wedding other than to get their dresses and show up. Strangers want to pass judgement on other people while not trying to understand the other side. Thank you for your comment but it goes a lot deeper than me being a bridezilla asking for extravagant parties and for people worlds to end until September.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate things may go deeper, however, we can only give advice (which you asked for, by the way) based on the information you give us. And based on your post, all you have complained about is that your bridesmaids are not chipping in when it comes to planning/organizing/helping with optional parties. I absolutely agree, it would be tacky to host your own wedding shower. No one has suggested you do that. Showers are not a mandatory event. Lots of brides go without them. If someone does not offer to host one, you simply go without. But that is not the case for you. Your grandmother has graciously offered to host your shower. So I don’t see what the problem is. Your bridesmaids have indicated they are not available to help. And that’s OK. It’s not their job. And they did not offer to host it – your grandmother did. So, planning, organizing, and execution will fall on her. Bachelorette parties are also optional events. Many brides do not have them. If you wish to have one, and no one else offers to host one, there is nothing wrong with planning your own. Unfortunately, when your bridal party is out of town, it makes optional parties more difficult, and sometimes impossible. As for a strangers passing judgment on you and not seeing the other side – that is not at all what I did. The entire end of my post was empathizing from your point of view. We all get the disappointment. However, YOU don’t seem to be seeing things from the viewpoint of your wedding party. I know you aren’t hearing what you want to hear, but that’s part of being a rational adult. If people not even involved in the situation are telling you that you need to relax and reset your expectations, it would be wise to stop and think about that. We have no reason to give you bad advice. Everyone here is trying to help you see more clearly what is going on, and how to remedy it (because sometimes it can be hard to see our own faults). I would let go of the idea that people here are judging you or trying to attack you, because that’s not the case.

View Quoted Comment No one said they had to throw me anything. Giving ideas is not time consuming to too much to ask for. Once again I asked the people who were already going to be there to lend a helping hand as more humans should do for each other. If they are already attending I don’t think that is asking for very much. Plenty of brides do have bachelorette parties that are hosted by their bridal parties. I sent a text asking for IDEAS not asking anyone to pay for or plan. So that is asking too much as well. Should my expectations be so low that when I ask a question it goes ignored? These parties are optional but all I did was ask a question. Does anyone have ideas for the bachelorette? Will this weekend work for people? Again they went ignored. No one ever said the advice was “bad” you have an opinion as do I and everyone is entitled to that. I simply just asked for a different opinion which I know are out there as I have talk to many other friends and family about this.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, your story keeps changing and evolving. You mentioned nothing of any of this in your original post. People can only give advice on the info you provide, and yours is ever-changing. Maybe just rely on the advice of close friends and family who know these people and everything going on with your situation. I hope you are able to figure things out with your WP, and have the experience you are wanting.

View Quoted Comment My story is not changing it’s the same story people just wanted to read what they wanted to read. Everyone conveniently ignored the part in my original post where a bridesmaid let her dress sit at the shop for over a month and the store called me or how I’ve tried to text them and the messages go ignored. Because maybe this makes me not entirely in the wrong here but again people see what they want to

Your errors start with choosing 6 ppl not geographically close to you. You should be thankful some are going out of their way to travel for your shower. This can take an entire day (with travel) even though the party itself is only 3 hrs. You really cannot condemn them for not giving you 2 extra entire days beyond your wedding. Your WP also spans different circles so they're also less likely to discuss you on their own. I wonder if your WP choices were political.


Instead of open questions eg "what do you think of", instead lead with "id like to do x in y date, are you free". Be prepared to pay. You can plan your own bach not shower as this includes gifts. If you still get crickets, your WP doesn't want to give you more time and you should accept that. They have lives, too.
This forum includes ppl with experience. We've seen it all and you're not the first disappointed Bride. But, your people don't live near you so you should take into account they're burdens when you ask for parties in your honor.