Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Discussion closed

T
Dedicated September 2023

Bridal Party Advice

Taylor, on April 14, 2023 at 10:29 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 93
Saved

I am a September 2023 bride that is feeling a little overwhelmed and discouraged and in need of advice. I got engaged in January 2022 and immediately asked my bridal party to be a part of my wedding. I have 6 total in the party, 2 MOHs, a bridesman and 3 bridesmaids. I have included just about everyone from every aspect of my life. Family, grooms family, high school friends and college friends. None of them live very close to me currently (most in the same state but a few hours away and 2 in different states). I have tried to be very patient and do most of the planning and coordination on my own. Given that they are spread out and busy with their own lives my grandmother took the initiative to plan my Bridal Shower to take some of the stress off myself and the Bridal party. I am feeling frustrated as my bridal party has not taken any initiative to coordinate anything or help me in any aspect of the planning or festivities. One bridesmaid left her dress ready for pick up at the bridal shop for over a month and I was called to tell her to pick it up before it gets sent back. Half of them will not be attending my shower for various reasons. Another told me she was too busy to help with the shower/planning because of work. No one has mentioned a peep about the bachelorette. They all accepted the "position" knowing that it entailed helping me and planning some of the celebrations. I have tried to get the conversation started and drop hints to them about things I might need help with or am expecting. I am trying to be respectful of their time and money but I feel alone in all of this. Any advice on how to further broach the situation?

93 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on April 17, 2023 at 11:26 AM
  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I definitely get how this is frustrating, but really the only obligation the bridal party has is to stand by you on your wedding day in the dress you’ve selected (hopefully with their input). Movies and social media make it out to be this big thing that requires the bridal party to lavish events and help with the planning, but that’s not what it is at all. It’s supposed to be an honor to be selected as a member of the party, not a job or “position”. With that being said, if any of them want to throw you a shower or bachelorette or want to help with planning, I’m sure they’ll offer at some point. Any planning should be done by you and your future spouse, and potentially parents if they’re paying/want to help. If you have expectations of your party beyond that, that should have been made clear when you asked them so they could decline if they don’t have the time and resources for extras (and maybe you did, I’m not saying you didn’t).
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly what Kimberly sai
  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    If the obligations were made clear with the proposal and they accepted any way then what now? I have been very clear about what I expected of them

  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Sorry but bridesmaids are not obligated to anything except get the dress and show up on the wedding day. Romantic comedies have really skewed people’s perceptions of what bridesmaids are “supposed” to do. My husband and I planned everything for our wedding. My sis, who was my MOH helped plan some of my bachelorette, but other than that, no one else was asked to help her out and everything turned out fine. I also had one bridesmaid not be able to come to the bachelorette, but that’s fine because it’s an optional event. As far as showers go, those are optional too, and it’s only up to people that volunteer to host it to have the responsibility of planning. While it can feel bad for your bridesmaids to not want to be super involved, I strongly recommend you lower expectations, remember that they have stuff going on in their lives as well, and take stock of the other guests who *are* showing you that excitement. Remember, no one else will be as excited for your wedding as you and your spouse - and that’s ok.
  • Alyssa
    Super October 2023
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If dropping hints isn't work than be direct. You can directly tell them that you only offered them the role under the prior agreed upon terms. I'm sure after that they will realize where the friendship lies.
  • K
    Super September 2023
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I mean, you don’t really want to fire your whole bridal party, do you? That would damage your friendships with the people who are presumably your closest friends. And your proposal was a year and a half before your wedding, so it would have been impossible for them to predict their life circumstances over that period of time. I would revert back to the more traditional role for the bridal party and rely more on your partner for the planning. If one of them offers to throw you a bachelorette, then you can take them up on that offer at that point.
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    People don't owe you parties though. Sounds like what would help is to adjust your expectations to avoid the feeling of being hurt when they aren't met.

    A role in the bridal party is supposed to be an opportunity for you to honour them and the role they've had in your life. Not the other way around.

  • C
    CM ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Sorry but I agree that your expectations are inappropriate. All of the things you mention are completely optional and voluntary.
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Yeah I agree with everyone else. Your expectations are very high. Your bridal party is supposed to be honored guests on your day. Getting married is not supposed to be used as an expectation for people to throw you parties and vacations. It’s your wedding, it’s your job. You are not the center point in everyone else’s lives. If you didn’t want the stress of planning a wedding then you should’ve hired a wedding planner. If people offer their help that’s great but it should not be expected. If you want a Bach trip so bad then plan one
  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I think everyone is misunderstanding what I am trying to say and thinking that I am expected everyones world to stop when that is not the case. Instead of trying to make me feel validated in my feelings I am being guilted in to feeling like no one should care about my day. As women or just people of this earth we should be building each other up not knocking each other down. If anyone has had a similar situation and has any advice other than lower your expectations that would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise I have had plenty of people who do not know me or my situation tell me that I am being “inappropriate” and to lower my expectations. Kindly have a good day and be better to each other.
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    You posted on a public forum asking for opinions and you don’t like that everyone is agreeing with each other on your expectations. You seem to just want to be told you’re right. Your bridal party may also feel this way which is why they are behaving like this and just don’t know how to tell you. If you do not want strangers giving advice on your situation you should think twice before asking a bunch of strangers for advice on your situation. Anyone else that has come on here and posted similar stories have all been told the same thing. You wanted advice. Unfortunately the advice is that YOU need to do differently which isn’t what you wanted to hear
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    And women lifting each other up also means holding each other accountable when their behavior isn’t cool
  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Well you know nothing about me or my bridal party. I was kindly asking for different advice other than what was posted and you did not have to reply. I appreciate that you have an opinion. I am looking for someone who might have something different to say. Thanks
  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    What isn’t “cool” is you shaming someone for having a different opinion or expectation than you. No one was threatened or given an ultimate I was simply asking for a perspective of someone who has had a similar experience. Like I said in my previous post be better
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Instead of letting us know that you disagree with the advice given, you might want to spend a minute considering it. This isn't the "validation board". Believe it or not, these opinions are given with your best interests at heart, because the way you are going right now, you're bound to be disappointed throughout this process.

  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Again. I kindly asked for a different opinion. No one has to reply saying they disagree with me again. I understood that the first time
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Bingo! Totally right
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    You weren’t shamed. I’m not the one expecting free things from my friends and family. I’m not the one that needs to be better. Good luck. I hope everyone does everything you want
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I think you responded to the wrong Taylor
  • T
    Dedicated September 2023
    Taylor ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    All I do is lift my friends up. No one was forced to say yes or do anything that they did not want to do. I appreciate your opinion but again you do not know me or my party. Thanks

Related articles

Bridal Shower vs. Bachelorette Party: The 6 Major Differences Between These Iconic Events
Bridal & Wedding Showers Bridal Shower vs. Bachelorette Party: The 6 Major... Seriously, what's the difference between a bridal shower and bachelorette party?...
18 Late-Night Wedding Snacks to Keep the Party Going
Wedding Reception 18 Late-Night Wedding Snacks to Keep the Party Going Fuel your guests on the dance floor (and surprise them with one final treat)...
22 Show-Stopping Outfits for Your Wedding After-Party
Wedding Fashion 22 Show-Stopping Outfits for Your Wedding After-Party Keep the party going with an outfit change into one of these jaw-dropping looks....
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics