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Dedicated September 2023

Bridal Party Advice

Taylor, on April 14, 2023 at 10:29 AM

I am a September 2023 bride that is feeling a little overwhelmed and discouraged and in need of advice. I got engaged in January 2022 and immediately asked my bridal party to be a part of my wedding. I have 6 total in the party, 2 MOHs, a bridesman and 3 bridesmaids. I have included just about everyone from every aspect of my life. Family, grooms family, high school friends and college friends. None of them live very close to me currently (most in the same state but a few hours away and 2 in different states). I have tried to be very patient and do most of the planning and coordination on my own. Given that they are spread out and busy with their own lives my grandmother took the initiative to plan my Bridal Shower to take some of the stress off myself and the Bridal party. I am feeling frustrated as my bridal party has not taken any initiative to coordinate anything or help me in any aspect of the planning or festivities. One bridesmaid left her dress ready for pick up at the bridal shop for over a month and I was called to tell her to pick it up before it gets sent back. Half of them will not be attending my shower for various reasons. Another told me she was too busy to help with the shower/planning because of work. No one has mentioned a peep about the bachelorette. They all accepted the "position" knowing that it entailed helping me and planning some of the celebrations. I have tried to get the conversation started and drop hints to them about things I might need help with or am expecting. I am trying to be respectful of their time and money but I feel alone in all of this. Any advice on how to further broach the situation?

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93 Comments

Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 3:46 PM
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Not going to require any time off or additional travel. They are all attending the rehearsal dinner the same Saturday so really your argument is invalid
Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 15, 2023 at 3:53 PM
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We can't help you if you're not willing to even listen to what we have to say.
I'm sure each and every one of us is posting in hopes that you don't feel angry, disappointed and bitter on your wedding day. The way you're going, I'm afraid that's what will happen, all of it over imaginary slights and expectations not met.
Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 15, 2023 at 3:54 PM
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CM is not a troll, and that's getting really close to name-calling.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 3:55 PM
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I’m not angry or bitter actually. I’m happy to marry the love of my life and some strangers on the internet are not going to change my mood otherwise. People want to keep arguing with me because it makes them feel good about themselves but I’m not the type to get railroaded by a bunch of people that place judgement on others for having wants and desires. Every single one of us had wants and desires and a vision for our day so to make someone feel like theirs are wrong or crazy? I won’t stand for that
Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 15, 2023 at 3:56 PM
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What you're asking for is for people to agree with you. No-one has done that yet, and you're not getting it.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 3:57 PM
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Are you not all hanging up on me refusing to let up? I think that is trolling. I kindly asked people to post a differing opinion or an example of a real life experience like another comment or did but instead you all want to wear me down to be right and it’s not going to happen
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 3:58 PM
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But everyone surely has agreed that people helped them with their weddings. It’s real easy for people to pass judgment when they had the love and support they were expecting. Don’t judge someone for not having the same experience and wishing they did
CM · on April 15, 2023 at 4:05 PM
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It isn’t invalid. You have no idea whether asking them to spend any extra time or money at all or coming earlier than needed that weekend is a problem. Even if it’s not, once again this is an event in your honor and should not be pushed for or requested by you in any way. My advice is intended for your own good. Chill out and let your friends make the plans for Saturday, if any. Don’t assume anything.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 4:10 PM
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“Chill out” childish. i think I have some idea but you people think I have no sense and have railroaded my friends. Glad you’re a bunch of strangers and not actual people I would spend my time with
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 4:11 PM
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Was I not told to make my own plans and not rely on them? People are contradicting themselves so what is the appropriate etiquette? I ask for their ideas or I don’t? I ask them a good day and time or I don’t? I’ve gotten so much contradictory advice from the same 5 people
CM · on April 15, 2023 at 4:17 PM
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Yes, some people have generous friends who offer to help . That doesn’
Super December 2022
LM · on April 15, 2023 at 4:58 PM
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So it IS about manipulating your friends into more help and parties. Call one of your 2 MOH, the one who is a better planner and has been in weddings before. Say "i have ideas for Saturday nail party, bridal luncheon, or maybe even an evening night out. What would work better for everyone?" Then ask her to start the talking because literally no one is answering you anymore. Listen to her response.

Actually, if they already chose their dresses and they've arrived, your WP is way ahead of schedule. Typically we advise choosing the WP 6-8 months. You chose them 1.75 years ahead. But, I think you mistakenly thought they'd be there every step of the way? That should have been your partner. If your partner isn't interested there is a deeper issue.
If you need help, hire a planner. And I don't think you're shy in asserting your feelings with friends. I think you're not as close as you think and you're worried they will bail in the last 5 months. If they do, then it's less ppl to stress over really. You hurt yourself by depending so hard on others.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 5:02 PM
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It’s inappropriate and uncalled for to attack someone’s relationship on the internet when you have no idea of their situation. I’m not even going to entertain this response because it’s rude and hurtful and I have done nothing to deserve that
CM · on April 15, 2023 at 8:56 PM
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I never told you that. It is gracious to wait for people to decide to honor you rather than saying to yourself “let’s see what you can do and when to celebrate meeeee.” Taking matters into your own hands defeats the entire purpose.

The cut off post above was due to an internet outage. It was supposed to say it’s not hypocritical to tell someone they are being inappropriate when they are asking for advice, even if they happen to have generous friends who host parties for them. FWIW I turned down a shower because like you, my closest and oldest friends were all spread out and I did not want them to feel burdened.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 9:01 PM
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Again you’re putting your feelings onto me and my wedding party. No one is burdened by anything. The “advice” is ever changing. I can’t ask for anything to be thrown for me. I can’t inquire about ideas dates or times. I can’t even throw my own festivities. So what is the “solution” here?
CM · on April 15, 2023 at 9:09 PM
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What you should be asking is what is the problem? You wait for someone to offer a party in your honor or it doesn’t happen. Honestly, it’s not the end of the world.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 9:11 PM
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Like I said. Everyone has wants and desires for their day and the time leading up to their day. You may not see it as a “problem” or something to be upset about but I do. I’m sure you can agree that some things you do or want are completely irrational to others but that doesn’t make them any less valid. So to be treated like my thoughts and feelings are not valid is rude and uncalled for. Have a great day.
Expert May 2010
Theresa · on April 15, 2023 at 9:22 PM
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The solution is to sit back and relax in relation to the bridal party. It sounds like everything that can be taken care of is or has been taken care of so far. Alterations aren't being done yet. The bachelorette is all that's left for someone to plan, and it's April. Your wedding is the of September. Unless you're looking for something elaborate that requires multiple day hotel and activity reservations, there's plenty of time to plan.
Other than the shower, which your grandmother is planning and hosting, and the bachelorette, I'm not sure what other festivities you're referring to.
Dedicated September 2023
Taylor · on April 15, 2023 at 9:27 PM
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Right I completely agree with you and I’m not saying anything has to be done or planned/set in stone this second. Just simply trying to get people thinking about it. The bachelorette is mostly what I am referring to. I have all the confidence that I’m not going to have to hold their hand to get their alterations and the finishing touches for their outfits

CM · on April 15, 2023 at 9:27 PM
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You are entitled to be disappointed if the bachelorette doesn’t happen. Likewise you can wish you had friends who were more responsive or able to be more involved. What’s inappropriate is behaving in an entitled way.