Being vegan at a non vegan wedding

View Quoted Comment Well then worth your options I should eat in advanced. I’m not going to throw my health and values out the window just because someone doesn’t view my diet as valid!

Honestly if they aren’t willing to accommodate your dietary restrictions, I wouldn’t be willing to go *shrug* it’s ludicrous to expect people to just eat what’s served regardless of anything else

im not vegan and I have no allergies to food but I have enough of my own issues to sympathize.

View Quoted Comment They aren’t “my” options... I don’t really see what else you can do short of declining.

if you asked and they aren’t willing to accommodate you, what kind of suggestions are you looking for? Or do you just want validation that they are wrong?

View Quoted Comment If that’s what you’re suggesting, then they’re your options, no?
Listen, Before I was vegan, I used to think a lot like you and the people saying “it’s a choice”. I used to think people were stupid and selfish for choosing dietary restrictions. They just want to be difficult and push their beliefs on others. Then I made the change and I see it so differently now. I hope one day you would be willing to see it from our side (:

Is it buffet? Or will they be making the food at the venue? When they come around for your "order" request a big salad or the vegetable tart without the butter and cheese. Ive been to weddings where the food choices were not items I eat, so I requested something else. Might not be the appropriate response, but I believe a host should provide adequate food and drink for their guests, including those with restrictions. Who is she in relation to you? Is she marrying your brother? Can he advocate for you?

View Quoted Comment She’s my fiance’s sister. I’m not sure if it’s sit down or buffet honestly. I should find out though. My husband tried to advocate for us since we’re both vegans and she told him the same thing. “Just don’t eat the tart”. We just dropped it because we’re trying not to make it all about us and our needs.

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I'd plan on eating before, and bringing snacks. To be honest though, like I said when they come around for "order" I'd just say I have an allergy to animal products, what options do you have? She can accommodate two people, its not the end of the world. We have five gluten free people and we're getting them a whole damn cake.

It's your fiance's sister so you can't exactly not go - otherwise I would just say don't go. I do think it's incredibly rude they won't make a vegan meal for you. All they have to do is ask. Caterers are used to these kinds of requests. Even my venue which initially gave me a hard time had no problem making three separate plates for the three vegans we had and two gluten free plates (for choice, no allergy btw). I see that your fiance also tried to talk to her. I totally get being frustrated. Regardless of what she thinks of your diet I would bet those veggies in that tart are covered in butter in addition to the cheese on top so you really could not eat around the dairy and you should not be expected to do so. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would honestly try one more time then shelf it and just leave as early as your fiance is comfortable with.

Hey OP:

https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/vegans-at-my-totally-non-vegan-wedding/

perhaps this will be helpful?

We're not having a vegan wedding (our three choices are beef, chicken, and vegetarian), though I am aware that there are a couple of vegans coming to our wedding. I made sure that was available for our wedding (as well as the baker we chose). I don't know how well you know the couple but as the bride but I would not be bothered if you asked me about the options for a vegan meal unless you contacted me very last minute. Personally, I would be more upset if you didn't mention it to me and I paid for a dinner you didn't even eat.

Just understand one of the vendors we spoke to literally told me "We'll throw some Vegetables on a plate", you may not like the meal offered as some places seemed to really have no idea what to do, as long as your not demanding a specific dish I don't think there should be any issues.

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I would be annoyed if it was just written in. If you reached out and actually called me, as soon as possible, - then I would have absolutely no problem and contact the caterer.

There's also a chance there actually is a vegan option already. I know we have two gluten-free options, but didn't include them on the menu card. We know of two guests to require a gluten free meal, and they are aware of their options. I left it off the card because there wasn't much room, and I didn't want people to start listing their current weight-loss diet specifications rather than an actual food allergy. I don't know of any vegans we are invited, so I didn't look into it too much, but I'm pretty sure the caterer can make the vegetarian option vegan too if asked.

Basically, as the guest, I would give the couple the benefit of the doubt of having these options already. And as the bride, I would really appreciate being asked nicely.

If they are rude enough to say, "oh well, suck it up" then I would absolutely bring my own food to their wedding!

Caterers do this all the time and I doubt there would be any issue if they took the time to ask their caterer.

Ok, if you go the vegan route, that is your choice. With that being said...you could politely ask if there are any vegan options that the caterer has. Reminder, that Vegan is a choice and is not necessary. It is nice when people do offer vegan options, but it is not a requirement of a host. Most caterers these days will have a vegan option for a guest if it is a plated meal. If it is a buffet...that could be an issue. (We are doing a buffet and it is not an option at our reception). Just ask the bride/groom if there is a vegan option...hopefully there will be. If not, eat well before you attend.

View Quoted Comment Not all vegans have a choice and it is necessary. My best friend is vegan because she has allergies to dairy products and that is the route she chose. A person who is vegan for over a year cannot just go back to eating meat products or by-products for one occasion. There are consequences for that such as illness and some people may also develop an intolerance for it after a certain amount of time. While I do understand your point of view, it seems like with the OP’s situation, this is something that should be considered. I’m vegetarian and every wedding I’ve gone to I’ve let the bride and groom know my dietary needs. And it has always been accommodated. I feel like it should be here.

As a lot of previous posters said, I would just get in contact with the couple and ask if they have any vegan options. Going vegan and then having something that is not vegan can be pretty painful/not fun, especially at a wedding. If they can't accommodate that I don't think it would be rude to bring your own food with you in a little lunch box or something. I've done that before because I am paleo.

Just eat before you. As someone with food allergies that necessitated paring down my meal options, I just eat before I go places or carry a bar and eat what I can. I’m sure you’ll find anyone with an allergy will tell you the same thing

Are they not doing salad? This is why we are doing salad, because I will not, and can not accommodate everyone's crazy "trendy" eating habits these days. As a bride, it would be a nightmare to cater to everyone. So we choose to have a large salad option, and BBQ.

View Quoted Comment Vegetarian and vegan, gluten free or allergy needs too, aren't crazy trendy diets. Finding a tastyn filling, appropriate option isn't difficult. A salad without some sort of protein source isn't filling. Many dressings aren't appropriate for their diets too. Expect guests who can only eat the salad (I'm guessing a basic green salad) to be hungry and want to leave early.

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Guess they better bring a snack lol

I personally don't have time to deal with every single persons stomach needs.

Wow, if so many people don’t care about their guests’ needs, why even bother inviting them? The reception is a THANK YOU to your guests, so dismissing dietary needs because of laziness, ignorance, or some arbitrary hatred of healthy/ethical eating is not very gracious.

OP, unfortunately, if your request is being dismissed, I would eat beforehand and carry snacks. I would also speak with a server at the reception to see if there are any options available for you. I’m sorry that you are having difficulty with this.

was a vegetarian for 8 years, became pescatarian last year, and just started eating poultry again this week. The level of disrespect and ignorance from even loved ones was astounding to me, even after years of being vegetarian. A good host and a good caterer can accommodate common dietary needs at no extra cost and with very limited effort. We have a non-silent vegetarian option (that a lot of our non-vegetarian guests are actually requesting!) and will have a back up as needed. We will make adjustments for my diabetic grandfather, but he’s also picky and just doesn’t like cheese so we’ll replace his risotto with plain rice or the potatoes that go with the steak dish. It’s not a big deal.