Bad Experience with Wedding Planner - Should i Still Tag on Social Media?

How many assistants were listed in the contract? Besides the number of assistants, what other issues arose?

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Only one because at the time we didn't know the wedding venue and exactly size of the wedding (it was to be local and between 120-160). She was contracted for 8 hours for the day of the wedding. Two weeks before she mentioned she would be there from 2pm - 10pm but my wedding ended at 12am. For her and the assistant to stay until 12:30pm was an additional $400-450 (I forgot the exact amount). I literally took a day to think about it and ended up paying the extra costs (I knew I would be drunk at midnight and would not want to deal with the DJ and other vendors). She was a more "higher end" planner so I would expect her to say, "due to the venue and the number of guests at 150, I recommend you pay for an additional 1-2 extra assistants. That is why you higher a planner. She also did many things during the night that bothered me. None of my friends liked her, my husband thought she was too timid to be a planner ... she's a nice enough lady. I'm sure she's a wonderful friend and mother, just not a top notch planner that cost $3500 for month of planning.

View Quoted Comment What things did she do that bothered you?

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I live in LA and had my wedding at a private beach front estate in Malibu. We stayed in the house for a week. Ceremony and dinner was held outside in the yard, while the caterer used the kitchen and guests were allowed inside to use restroom and lounge in the living room. I just felt like my day was really really chaotic. Month of planner for $3750. I listened to her advice 90% of the time and had no issue spending more money if it was necessary.

Issue 1: She needed more help day of

The day of my wedding my planner had only one assistant. I didn't know better so I thought that was fine (if she said you need to pay for extra help, I would have gladly done it but wasn't given the guidance). Our wedding was about $120K so we weren't exactly counting every penny. I spoke to 3 other friends/colleagues/family members who got married in the last 2 years. They were shocked. They spent $2-3K for either month or full wedding planning and their wedding planners showed up with 2-3 assistants for their weddings which were at hotel or wedding venues (not a private estate which requires more work from the planners end).

Issue 2: Cars Parked in front the estate

I told her my fiance really wanted all the cars to be moved from in front of the estate before guest arrived. Guest valeted their cars at the front entrance and took a golf cart ride down the private driveway to the beach front estate we rented. We realized about an hour before the ceremony started and as guests arrives, the wedding party including my parents hadn't moved their cars. We wanted the front of the house to not be cluttered with random cars. She was told via email and verbally weeks prior to have all cars moved by 4pm from wedding party. She also said a week later that valet was getting clogged up and why I didn't have more attendants. She saw the invoice and contract. She could have said, add another attendant.

Issue 3: Not attentive

After the ceremony I took photos on the beach, my planner was no where to be seen. She knew we were taking sunset photos and should have had her assistant or herself stop by with my sandals (I did pay her $3,600 for her services). During the reception, I went to say hi to guests so of course, my dinner got cold, I took it to the caterer to wrap up and place in the fridge. During reception she check on us maybe once.

Issue 4: Money Box

Planner told my cousin who was in charge of the money box was told to NOT go upstairs of the house because she was not staying in the house or part of the wedding party. My cousin didn't know where to put the money box and the planner told her to place it into the guest room downstairs which was open to all guests since it had a public restroom. My cousin hid it in a dresser and hoped for the best. Nothing was stolen, but I was shocked that she would have the money box kept in a public space

View Quoted Comment Lol! Don’t tag her, it seems like that would fit with they pettyness

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Wish you the best for you wedding too!

View Quoted Comment If I’m understanding correctly, it sounds like you have two separate things going on: 1.) A vendor list and 2.) Your personal feelings about the wedding planner. Martha Stewart Online is simply asking for a list of your vendors. Your wedding planner was hired, paid and performed work on your wedding. So, YES, she should be included because she was part of your wedding vendor team.


HOWEVER...
A place like Yelp, WeddingWire or some other review site would be a more appropriate place to be “petty” and express your personal feelings about the wedding planner.

It seems your primary grievance is that you paid more for her services than your friends paid for their month of coordinator. But you could have shopped around. You could have asked your friends prior to hiring her what they paid, what was included in their services, etc. You admitted that her contract stated that there would be one assistant and she would be there for 8 hours. These are terms that she fulfilled.


You say she was not attentive to bring your sandals while taking pictures but while coordinating a wedding, do you think this would have been the best use of her time?
Overall you haven’t said anything that warrants her not being tagged in your posts. I think you should just chuck this up to a learning experience. In the future ask around before signing a contract and be very clear about your expectations.

It sounds like you had unrealistic expectations of what a coordinator does. 🤷🏼‍♀️

All of the things your mad about sound like things you should have included in the contract if you expected them. I’ve never seen a coordinator around when the bride and groom are getting photos done, so I’m not sure why you expected her to bring you your shoes. She brought one assistant because that’s what you paid for. She planned to work 8 hours because that’s what you paid for. Also, what your friend paid is irrelevant, because they didn’t have the same vendor/contract as you.

I think you need to list her as a vendor, but when people reach out to you asking if you recommend her services, you can tell them no. You can also post a review online. Did you express any of these concerns to your coordinator on the day of your wedding or after? If not, she may not be expecting such a harsh review and could dispute your online reviews if she deems them unjust...

It is a shame you didn't like your coordinator, but I do not think you will find much sympathy here because your vendor did not do anything egregious. I can understand that often we assume a higher cost vendor will result in higher quality, but unfortunately it doesn't always happen this way. Your story sounds like miscommunicated expectations more than an incompetent coordinator.

I work in the hospitality industry and so I understand that when you pay more you expect more. Sounds like some extra staff could have been good. Hopefully, while she missed a few items on your checklist, she manged to do everything else you needed done.

Your wedding sounds like it was totally fantastic, hopefully you do not have to stress about this for much longer.

I agree the issue seems to be around your expectations. Also, if you're comparing cost with services, there is a bride who posts on WW regularly whose wedding in Carmel was roughly $100,000, and she paid her wedding planner about $12,000, so by that standard, yours was a steal at $3600. It's hard to compare costs without comparing levels of service, but all of that is best done before contracting with a vendor. Daughter's wedding cost about a quarter of what yours did, but her mostly inclusive venue included both a wedding coordinator (who made sure everything ran smoothly) and provided daughter with a "bridal attendant," who was basically tasked with following daughter around all day making sure she had anything and everything she might want. She didn't change shoes, but if she had, it probably would have been the bridal attendant who helped her with that because the coordinator was too busy making sure everything else ran flawlessly. It sounds like your wedding was amazing even if not everything met your expectations. If you think it is worth it, I'd tactfully share your concerns with your coordinator, rather than take the passive-aggressive approach of not tagging her.

My friend who has experience with weddings advised me not to hire a coordinator because all they do is walk around in stilettos and point their finger. It sounds like you did have higher expectations of what a coordinator does and she is probably used to high end brides throwing large amounts of money at her for doing minimal services. However, I am sorry that you feel let down and disappointed by your experience. I think that shopping around and doing research while creating clear expectations is important before hiring vendors.

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I didn't clarify. Its my personal social media I would not want to list her. Of course I listed her on Martha Stewart Weddings, I listed all my vendors.

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By the way I am listing her as my vendor in Martha Stewart, this was about tagging her on my personal Instagram and Facebook. My grievance is that they got better service and additional help, not the cost. I did pick my planner after shopping around. Your planner should try to make the day as smooth for you as possible. I had no issue extending her day of from 8 to 10 hours and paying the difference. She brought it up to me and I was happy she did. If she said you need 2-3 more additional assistants for me on your day and to pay for it, I would have done it. I guess some people do not get it because they weren't there but my day really felt chaotic. I thought may that's how weddings should be but after talking to many other brides, I heard the opposite. Def lesson learned. Hard to know expectations of a planner when it's your first wedding.

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Thank you! Other people here are quite negative! Also, sorry I didn't clarify she will be listed as my vendor in the magazine but I just didn't want to tag her on my personal instagram because her service was bad and def would not recommend her to a friend. The rest of my vendors were great. Its hard to set expectations when you don't know better, but I am game on for when daughter gets married!! Now I understand why mothers are so involved with weddings

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome! I feel like you’re right about how coordinators should do whatever they can to make your day run smoothly and the bottom line is that it isn’t okay. But yes it is definitely a learning experience because I wouldn’t have known either unless my friend warned me about coordinators beforehand! And that makes sense, I wouldn’t tag her in your posts unless you signed a contract that specifies you have to

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I paid for month of planning, not full wedding planning. I did shop around, $12K is a little on the higher end. My planner costs to plan for a full wedding is $6-8K. I have to clarify that I listed her in Martha Stewart as my vendor. Its my personal social media and Instagram that I didn't want to tag her because I didn't like her service and wouldn't recommend her to a friend. (not because I'm petty but for her price, her service didn't match). The rest of my vendors I would highly recommend. I'm glad your daughter had some wonderful service. Where did she get married? And thank you, my day was beautiful. I feel grateful that we could afford to have a Malibu beach wedding. Happy holidays to you!

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I have no grievances about the 8 hours, I gladly paid the extra $400ish for her to stay 2 hours longer (this was done 2 weeks prior to the wedding). It was just the lack of attentiveness. I guess people don't understand because they weren't there and the beach was rocky. My husband eventually just carried me so my feet wouldn't get cut. If my planner said you need to pay for additional help for me because your wedding is now 150 people and this wedding venue is complicated, I would have done it in a heart beat. You just want your day to be smooth and to have someone like your planner there to give you appropriate guidance.

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She wasn't a coordinator, she was a month of planner. Nope I didn't have unrealistic expectations. When talking to friends, their planners were fantastic. They were shocked that she didn't have extra hands to help her because we've been to each other weddings and my wedding venue was the most complicated. I had no issue paying for more help too. I just needed her to tell me what to do and I would have gladly followed her advice.