bachelor party.... irritated

Oh hell no. If he has this kind of a history, then I don't think it's a good idea for a bachelor party at all! I understand your situation a bit. My FH can get totally wasted and then he is an idiot. We had a discussion and an agreement about these parties and I layed down the law on this quick. It's not going to happen. I think it's totally disrespectful for a taken man to lust over other women. Do it when they are single, who cares!

Yeah, I also hate the excuse that they are men. BS! If they are men, they need to be a man and not an immature boy.

I think you and FH need to figure out what to do if he does get strippers. Someone else mentioned having a different person plan the party, maybe do that..

I agree with @kahlara I think you two should sit and discuss rationally what should be done if strippers are there.

To be perfectly honest I stick to if you honestly trust him then you should trust him. Period. I get why you feel the way you do but remember that's a job. What if the person he cheated on you with was a fast food worker would that mean that he now can't go near a fast food joint?

I know that sounds extreme, but you have to get down to WHY someone does what they do and then move forward. I would imagine it's not the job the person did that made him want to cheat there was something more to it. Even not having a stripping doesn't solve any of your problems unless you/he knows and understands this.

I say have an open conversation w/ the person who said they would have the strippers with your FH and talk about it while expressing your concern. In the end don't assume even if they are that you are starting on the wrong foot. You said you trust him so do so

FH and I are having a combined bachelor/bachelorette party - not because we don't trust each other but because pretty much all our friends are mutual. Maybe you could do this, then there would be no way strippers can be involved?

I agree with the above idea it might be a great solution.

@Mrs Simmons I totally agree with you. The whole men will be men thing is such BS. We are combining our parties into one and going to dinner and dancing. Neither of us feel the need for one last night out, seeing as how we have been committed for 3 years. Our single days are long over and we have more fun when we are with each other than we do when we are apart. But for the record, I would murder his brother if we were doing separate parties and strippers showed up. In my opinion its rude. But FH isn't into that kind of stuff. Hell I wanted to go to a strip club just because I've never been before and I tried to talk FH into taking me but he didn't wanna go. I'm more interested in boobies vs penis' though. Boobs are prettier

I think given your history & your feelings it is completely reasonable that there are no strippers at the party. Your FH needs to have a serious talk with his brother & explain his reasons and be firm. If he argues, your FH should tell him that he's sorry but he is no longer invited to the bachelor party as he can't be respectful of a very sensitive situation.

Just as a side note, even without the history, if you & FH are uncomfortable with strippers, they should not be there. Anyone who doesn't understand that should be left out of the plans. You & your FH shouldn't have to give up your parties because of one jerk.

I'm with u... I don't want strippers at mine and surely don't want them at his.. At all.... So we are talking about doing a bachelor/bachelorette weekend together --- 1night all guys go out get a party bus and bar hop and whatever else stripper free and the girls will have a spa day and party bus and drinks - the following night. EVERYONE goes out together

Mrs. Simmons you rock!

@simmoms I Love everything you just said! Thank you!

@amy very true lol, its not him defying me though its his brother..

@Heather, exactly.. his brother is recently married, has a baby.. its like.. hm are you not satistfied tat you need to see strippers screw each other?

love the idea of a combined party, kind of.. lol

@dlovesD thats a very valid point!

@Sheena thats a good idea!

@HalloweenBride, well thanks!

& @Mackenzie, you're very welcome. People seriously need to quit making excuses for men and start holding them accountable. I think you should do whatever feels right to you and quite frankly, your FH should be the one handling the situation. As previously mentioned, I think the brother shouldn't be invited anyway. He sounds like a major loser. You invited him, he deisrepected your wishes, now you uninvited him haha sounds completely acceptable. Good luck!

Also, don't agree with Misty at all. No, if he cheated with a fast food employee you wouldn't have him boycott the place. But that's because McDonald's isn't in business for sex. Stripping isn't just a "job", it's a job that REVOLVES around sex. I DO NOT agree that there has to be anything else involved to make him cheat other than some boobs in his face and an ass rubbing all over his lap. Girls cheat with strippers as well.

I think if you and your FI truly don't want strippers there, and have explained that your FI will leave if they are there, then the brother needs to respect that or like others said, tell him he'll be uninvited.

That being said, just because someone likes to watch strippers doesn't mean they're unsatisfied with their sex or relationship, or that they want to cheat (which by the way, he can't be forced to do by a girl rubbing her ass on his lap?). It just means.they.like.to.watch.strippers.And strippers don't screw each other, porn stars do that. I'm just saying don't judge someone just because they do something you don't personally like to do. I like to see female strippers (boobs ARE prettier), but that doesn't mean I'm unhappy with my H, I certainly don't want to cheat on him, and I certainly wouldn't have sex with a random stripper.

I wasn't saying that an ass on his lap would make him cheat, I was responding to the earlier post that something else has to be involved for them to cheat on the girl. I'm saying that if a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. He doesn't have to have a "connection" with the second woman.

We both decided also that strippers were a no go. We both would feel uncomfortable with the other doing that. We don't have a history with problems with it but since you guys do, then definitely understand the issue. My FH, knowing him, will probably go bar hopping with his buddies, watch sports and go fishing too.

Since ours in August I was thinking either before the wedding or after we would have a combined party in addition, one we throw, house warming party and go tubing then that day too.

Is the brother the best man so he is throwing the party? Maybe one of the other groomsmen throw it that is okay with respecting the groom's wishes? I don't order my FH around and he doesn't me either but we discussed it and decided as partners to not have them. If he is that bad, I feel bad for his wife. I didn't catch it, but if he isn't a groomsmen at all, he doesn't even need to be invited to the bachelor party.

@april I'm not judging at all, I know plenty o women who are strippers, don't bother me any. And yes they do screw each other. Said brother had them at his bachelor party and they had a double sided dildo and at the end of the dances they did a girl on girl show. When he cheated it was on the beginning and he was just getting divorced etc, he was going through a hard time in his life and we have move past it and I know he would never do anything to hurt me. But as I said, I don't want to have to reopen old wounds from the past where I was hurt.

@steph m his brother is not the best man, but is a groomsmen. Best man, who is also one of my best friends, is throwing the party and I know he wouldn't disrespect me in any way, but brother INSISTS "there will be strippers there"

If they did a girl on girl show, that makes them prostitutes. Not all strippers screw each other, is what I meant. In fact, most don't.

@Amy. I know!

I think April's point is not all strippers screw each other. just because someone is a stripper means they are a prostiute. Of course you have those that will take it to the next level, like the ones your FBIL apparently likes and hires.

As others have said, someone else needs to plan the bachelor party and they need to make it clear to FBIL no strippers will be involved. Let him know that if he does hire strippers they will not be allowed to come inside the house and he will be asked to leave.

Mrs. Simmons: Right on, preach it sista!