Are we being selfish?

Hmm tough situation. I would have to unfortunately agree with the opposition on this one--- 5 hours is a little bit much to travel for a bridal shower. Should she have offered to help plan something (ANYTHING) absolutely. But, on fathers day weekend and having something so far away... I can see why she wouldn't come.

I agree with Not-a-Bridezilla. It's Fathers Day weekend. I know someone who is getting married tomorrow- the 19'th- and I think it is stupid they even planned their wedding on Father's Day weekend. Some people say well Father's Day isn't really that big a deal like Mother's Day. Um yes it is for some people and a lot of families get together for their Dad on Saturday or Sunday- and in my case Saturday with my family 4 hours from where I live and Sunday with FH's family here. So yes, it is a big deal and people need to learn how to check calendars when they plan something. With that being said, your shower is already planned and nothing can be done about it. It's probably not so much as her spending time with her Dad as spending time with her entire family with her Dad. In the grand scheme of things, she'll be there on your wedding day and that is all that matters.

As someone who has lost their dad, I think that the girl should definitely be focused on spending the day with her dad and family. I always ask to pick up shifts at work because I feel like everyone who can should be with their dads on that day. If I were asked to miss mothers day I would be pissed, so I don't think you can ask her to miss (or be extremely exhausted from driving 10 hours total the day before) fathers day. Sorry to disagree with you, but family is first. Maybe she can come there like 2 days before the wedding to tie up some loose ends and make up for missing the shower or something...

Sorry I must agree with the rest above--I live with my parents too, but Father's day is still special to my dad. Our family is scattered all around so it is hard to get everyone together. This is one of the few holidays that we would get together for.

Maybe you can ask your moh if she can come early to help you prior to the wedding day.

I don't think the distance should have anything to do with it. Two of my bridesmaids are out of state. One in CO and one in LA, I'm in PA. When I asked them both to be in the wedding I said they could skip all events but needed to attend the bridal shower and wedding. They both happily agreed. One is even coming here to pick out her dress with the rest although I tried to tell her it was too much of a hassle. IMO, Bottom line-If she really wanted to be there she would go no matter the distance or date.

Sorry, but I wouldn't go either. You/your BP/a family member made the conscious decision to plan something on Father's Day weekend. A holiday listed in almost every single calendar. IMHO, that seems kind of foolish. Whether it's five minutes or five hours away, I'm going to be spending time with my Dad. You guys could have picked any other date on the calendar, so I'm not sure you're really in a place to be all that miffed.

As my fantastic daddy likes to say, "Lack of forethought on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

I have to agree with the majority. I watch the show Bridezillas and can't believe that some folks really and truly think that the world willstop revolving if everyone on the planet doesn't realize it's "all about the bride". My father doesn't really celebrate father's day (religious reasons), but you'd better believe I will make sure that he sees this face on Sunday and that he and my mom get something nice to show my appreciation for thier contributions to my life. 5 hours is alot of travel time for a shower, sometimes even for a wedding!

I have to agree also, but i cna understand why she is upset, you want all your friends there right?, but it is on fathers day weekend and 5 hours is a long way to travel for just one day.

Unfortunately, I have to side with the sisters here. Fathers day is a big deal to ALOT of families regardless of if you live with your parents or not. I personally canceled plans with friends this weekend because of things we were going to do for my dad. (and I still live at home too).

Okay, I am confused....you say MOH and then matron of honor. Aren't they the same person. Oh I am so confused. ;-)

I agree with everyone else. To some people it's "just another Sunday" but to others, it's really important. Sure, she could spend time with her dad next weekend. But why wasn't the shower on another weekend? It's a really tough decision to make, but I would choose spending time with my Daddy than going anywhere else. It's unfortunate that they're on the same day, I'm hoping that someone didn't realize what day it was when they planned it...

Also, 5 hours is pretty far, especially if that's just one way. That means they will be gone the entire day, or even two days. I think that is way too much to ask...

So, while I understand being upset because she isn't doing much, or showing up. I'm sure she would have attended the shower if it hadn't been on this particular weekend.

@Carmen

"As my fantastic daddy likes to say, "Lack of forethought on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.""

LOVE that quote!

IDK My MOH lives like 5 hours away too and she planned the bach party and on the day of the wedding showed lots of attention to me. Maybe she will turn around and help. Plus brides shouldn't be worried about who helps and who doesn't. You pick people to be in you BP who have been around for you in your life before you got engaged or married. Oh BTW is WW having wedding date troubles? I could sware someone posted earlier they just got married and their wedding date was list for last year and the OP date is already married too?

Father's day is about the daddy!!! If you have one, he trumps the Bride.... Everything else may be about the wedding, but you wouldn't be marrying "this" girl without her daddy being her daddy, so if you MOH is spending the day with her daddy, just smile and be glad that she has her priorities in order.... and don't forget to take some time out for your dad too, if he's part of your life.

Honestly, the duties of a MOH (unless there is prior agreement otherwise) are to show up on the wedding day, wear what she's told to, and stand up next to the bride. If you want more than that, you negotiate it when asking her to be MOH, so she can take it into account when deciding whether to accept. After that, if SHE wants to organize things, help out, etc., you can graciously accept, but if she does not, it's not part of her job.

If I lived 5 hours away I don't think I would drive for a bridal shower on fathers day weekend I do think its a bit much to ask someone to drive 10 hours for a bridal shower.I also agree with 2nd bride its not completely up the the MOH to plan everything or anything especially if she lives so far plus if someone else is helping you alot then everthing will be fine I think her reasons are valid

In my family fathers day and mothers day stops being a big day after they stop making you in elemantry school make stuff for your dad and mom but now its a big deal again b/c of seth but the shower being on father's day unless she has a kid its just anther day in my family so thats my view on the day. now the trip your a bm your signed up to be there for the shower thats the most imporment next to the wedding i mean dresses you can email and send thou phone now a days and not everyone has a bach party i didn't but a shower everyone has so she should suck up the drive and go i mean she lives with daddy everyday can be fathers day next week if she wants to but her friend only gets married once and has one shower

I'm with the majority. Dad comes first. Sure the wedding is very important, but so is her Dad (whether she sees him everyday or not). It's her day to celebrate him, plus 10 hours drive for a shower? God forbid this was her last Fathers Day with him (hate to be morbid but you never know). I don't think the shower is a big deal at all. Remember this wedding is the not the most important thing in the world and being so far away there is not much she can do as far as helping. She will be there for the most important part, which is to witness the bride marry the love of her life. That is her job, to be there on the day....there are no other "duties".

Yeah I'm with the majority as well. And I have to tell you-- 3 of my BM's aren't going to be at my bridal shower. And that's life. Sometimes the people we want to be there just simply can't make it for whatever reason. One of mine is going to a Lady GaGa concert that she scheduled after she knew the date of my shower. And I'm not upset at all just because I don't feel like being upset by something that's not crucial to my wedding and my peace of mind. There are so many other things to get upset about at this point. At least they'll be there for the wedding

I have to agree with everyone else. Especially Carmen. You are the ones who planned something for Father's day weekend. You should have expected most people to put their father ahead of your shower. I'm sorry but your bride made the decision to have this woman in her bridal party and should have known that with her being 5 hours away it would be hard to do much other than show up for the wedding. My MOH and my BM didn't come to my bridal shower because they had to work. I understood and it wasn't that big of a deal to me. My step-dad isn't in the same state as me anymore but if he was I would be spending the day with him. We have already given FIL his father's day present and since everyone else is scattered we aren't really doing anything this year.