Are brides really that selfish?

The only reason I'd be upset is if it meant guests would have to choose whose wedding to go to. Like, a coworker or casual acquaintance or someone like that could plan their wedding the same day as mine and I wouldn't care. But I would expect a close family member or friend to consider my wedding date when picking theirs, because we'd have overlapping guests lists. I would have given them the same consideration.

Does that mean you weren't planning to attend his? ... I guess stuff like that really depends on the people involved and their closeness. LOL at the diminishing guest list though!

Eh, I get the selfishness. It's the one day that it is suppose to be about you and your spouse. But kudos for you for welcoming the day with your cousin! Very good of you

Eh depends. In your case its great!!! But I really would like that day for me. And the focus on me and FH, then again its OUR wedding. But I don't mind if its after or before, as long as its not on my day lol. (This is obviously if it was a close family member)

Some really are and I almost ended up with a situation of my own on the subject. My childhood friend who is almost like a sister to me got engaged before I did but only gave a vague "Summer 2016" date. When we got engaged FH thought really hard and decided on our date. My excitement was short lived because I remembered her vague answer and of course when I asked her she said she was getting married the day before me. I initially tried to remedy it but it wasn't really working. Her mom was also throwing fuel on the fire. She's the only one from her family I'd truly be missing (I would have even made her a BM) but we agreed to support each other either way. For all we know one of us may need to change the date or get anxious and bump it up. As long as the guest lists doesn't overlap, live and let live!

If this is your cousin doesn't that mean some of your family member would skip yours to goes to your cousin's wedding. I would be upset if someone plans their wedding same day as mine or a day after/before mine and we had mutual guest. Like some guest don't don't have the transportation or too tired from the wedding before. I went 2 weddings in one day and honestly I was rush in one wedding hoping I made the other just in time.

I'd be pissed.

Yes, I would be upset if a close family member or even a good friend was getting married on the same day as I am. It would force my family or mutual friends to have to make a decision as to which wedding they are going to attend. I know a lot of very non-confrontational people who would skip both so as not to offend either party by choosing one over the other.

I was pissed many years ago when my sister got married on my 1st anniversary and had a destination wedding. It was the very first knock-down-drag-out fight my ex-husband and I ever had. He was working on a big plan for our very 1st anniversary. We also took a VERY long car ride with my mother in the backseat that was horrible!

Is that weekend the only one that would work for your cousin? Perhaps has some special meaning to the couple? It just seems weird that of all the weekends of the year, they pick the same one you are getting married. Although you are right that it's just a day and doesn't belong to you, I think you are being way more evolved and cool about it than I would be.

Yeahhhhh I would zilla out if a family member tried that with me. It's niot selfish, it's very inconsiderate and awkward for your cousin to even ask that. Your poor family. Also why are you glad your guest list is decreasing?!? Why invite these people in the first place?

I read this post and thought “How narrow-minded can you be?!”

First of all - we all know that threads like this are started with intentions of stirring up drama.

It’s not that brides think they “own the day” or that they’re upset because someone is trying to steal their thunder.

Unlike you, OP, some people actually invite people they WANT that their wedding. Most of us don’t invite people hoping they’ll decline.

DH and I invited our guests hoping they WOULD come to the celebration.

We were engaged for 18 months and had our StDs out at the one year mark. H’s cousin announced she was getting married and her date would be one month before ours AFTER the StDs were already out. This caused a lot of trouble because both of our families are located (for the most part) in Michigan. The cousin that got married before us - and her immediate family - are in Maryland. I missed out on meeting that whole family because there was less than 30 days between our weddings.

Also, my new SIL (DH’s sister) is getting married next October – just about 1 year after us. We had people that didn’t come to our wedding say things like – “We’ll just catch the next one.”

It’s not that brides are being selfish. Each of us only gets ONE DAY and we just want the people we care about to be there to celebrate with us. When someone else has a wedding date that is close, it compromises the guest list and makes people choose between the two.

GROW UP.

^^ I'm sorry but perhaps you are the one that needs to grow up?? The OP has a more mature outlook than you. Being engaged first and for 18 months does not mean that you have an automatic right to have your wedding first. I see nothing wrong with 30 days apart for family weddings. Perhaps the people that didn't come to yours weren't planning on showing up anyway. 30 days is not too close to attend both weddings especially if one is local. When you invite over 400 guests it's not unusal to have a big chunk not be able to attend. You can't expect 400+ to all accept an invitation regardless of whether someone else's wedding is 30 days away.

As for your SIL getting married a year later...are you complaining about her? Anyone who says "I'll catch the next one" - that's on the guest. They obviously had no interest in seeing you get married. Your SIL did nothing wrong.

If it was my first cousin, yes I would be upset - because we share a grandmother, and 4 sets of aunts and uncles - including my mother being her aunt. If we are talking a second or third cousin - I would not care at all.

@Emily – You totally misconstrued what I was saying.

My point was that no matter what you do, there will always be issues with guests attending or not attending due to other events. I was not saying that I was engaged first and therefore his cousin should have waited. I was saying that EVEN THOUGH I was engaged first, there is no hard and fast rule on how long engagements are or should be. They have free reign to choose the day they want no matter when it is during the year and its proximity to other weddings.

I was also not saying anything negative about SIL’s wedding next October. I was making the point that even a year apart we still had some people use the excuse of the other wedding for not coming.

I wouldn't be mad, but I don't think he will be attending yours. People say a lot of stuff months out and then the reality of it hits and they say "oops, never mind."

My room block date closed a week after RSVPs and I thought that I could safely pull that room block list last week for the gift bags. Well, at least two people have switched hotels, so two weeks out things are STILL not stable. I don't see this guy going all the way across the country when he has his own wedding to handle.

If you plan on inviting many of the same people, that would be a bummer.

I'll just come right out and say yep, I am that selfish and I'd be super irritated.

This would bother me because my family would have to choose. My grandma, godparents, aunts, cousins would all have to choose and that's completely unfair to them.

Not to mention, I wouldn't invite people including family, that I don't actually want to attend. That sounds ridiculous.

I would be mad if it was the same day only if we both wanted the same people there. It's really important to me to have our friends and family celebrate with us so if a bunch of people wouldn't be coming due to the other wedding, I would be mad about it. I probably wouldn't voice that anger to anyone because it wouldn't really be my place to say anything, but secretly inside I would be disappointed if people I wanted to have fun with weren't there.

Sounds like you don't really want that side of the family to come to yours... so if I were in your position, I would be like YAAAYYY too haha

I would absolutely be upset, because I would want my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents (i.e. shared family) to be able to celebrate with both of us. I guess if you're not close with that family then it might not matter to you, but brides on here (including myself) are "selfish" about their day because they want family to be able to attend, not because they don't want someone else stealing their thunder.

It baffles me that you suggested he move his wedding to be the same night as yours.