Am I wrong for being angry?

... All of my family lives all over the United States. So for my mothers 50th birthday we decided it would be a great idea to get together for a trip to San Francisco. My sister and her husband are short on cash and asked if me and Chris would share a room with her. I said it was fine..but little did I know that Chris already booked a room because he was planning on proposing to me then! Chris called my mom to make arrangements and just pay for my sister's hotel so she could go. Upon my mother calling my sister to let her know of this, my sister freaked out and said who Fuc**ing cares about them being engaged and called us "selfish" for having to have a room to ourselves. My mom never got to get the chance to explain. immediately after hanging up with my mother my sister calls me and in a fit of fury accidentally tells me hes proposing! And when I got angry about it she hung up on me and called me selfish and refuses to speak to me. ... (Cont)

Ya, it sounds like she needs to get off her high horse. You getting engaged is a big deal, and when she calms down enough to listen to reason she will see how selfish and inconsiderate SHE is being.

I know you're still typing, but if their room is paid for, then her anger obviously comes from something else entirely.

... Now my brother is chiming in without speaking to me first. And told me to "truly ask myself is it important I get engaged now!" "Or am I doing it solely for my own selfish reasons?" My sister also made comment like "C'MON isn't it like your already engaged?" NEVER in my life have I ever heard someone say that to anyone, let alone their family! A happy occasion has turned soar and poor Chris. All his hard work was ruined! I understand we are a little unorthodox in the way we did things, but doesn't mean I should have something so special taken away. Am I wrong in this? Or should I just let it go?

It sounds like the mom didn't get the chance to fully explain that to the sister, that she hung up before her mother got that far. So I'm with Ryan, her flying off the handle is from something else.

Okay, yes, it's understandable that people wouldn't be surprised by an engagement, given that you've been together so long, but no, that doesn't mean they should take that away from you. I'm so sorry that your family isn't being as supportive as they should be.

I definitely think a talk with them is in order, to at least try and clear the air -- why do they keep calling you selfish? Why would they question the timing of this? Were you seen as the favorite child growing up? Are you the oldest/youngest? Often, there are other family dynamics at play, ya know?

Thanks ladies!! @Reenski Thanks for the help! I'm the middle child, and growing up I was the one always shunned. Because my brother is the youngest and only boy, he has always been the favorite. I think when I had originally talked to my sister about us sharing a room, I might have gave off a vibe that I wasn't too happy about it. Her husband is hard to take unless in small doses. And they are constantly fighting about something. So I think she may have been embarrassed from the start having to ask her younger sister for help. (Which she does often) and my reaction (Although I said ok) wasn't what she was expecting. I did try and call and talk to her, to which she told me "as a family, we should do whatever we have too, to make sure we can all see each other." And told me that's why we were being selfish because we had to have our own room. She didn't know until recently that Chris was planning on paying for her room.

Hell NO you are not wrong in this!!!! HOw dare she take away from youre special day. It sounds like she is being the selfish one and its not like you arranged getting engaged on that day. I would maybe ask your mom to step in and explain some things before things get too out of control.

And she feels like she shouldn't have to apologize for spilling the beans, bc it was on accident. Us being engaged and getting married is actually a very HUGE thing for our family. No one thought he would ever pop the question or that we would get married. My mom broke down crying when she heard the news because she was so happy it was finally happening! lol. I dunno stupid family drama i guess.

Okay, so it sounds like her anger isn't necessarily that you're getting engaged right now, it seems like there's some jealousy at play here. You can try to speak to her again, or wait until you see each other in person (if that's still happening), and maybe clear some things up -- explain that you're happy to help her because she's family, that in this situation the room was simply because he was proposing, that it wasn't you trying to avoid them (even if you kinda were), that sort of thing, ya know?

As far as your brother, set him straight. You're choosing to get engaged now because you just are, and you hope he can be happy for you and supportive of you, but the selfish and other comments are unnecessary.

I'm an only child, so that's my view, maybe some of the other ladies can give better advice/perspective. But you aren't wrong to be mad, and I'm sorry this is happening at such a happy time in your life.

I am so angry on your behalf. I'm mad at your sister for being a B in this situation and spoiling your surprise, but also at your brother--it's not like YOU picked the time, your FH did AS A SURPRISE. So how are his actions making YOU the selfish one?

Also? Unless it's for one night and everyone is just in the room to crash from drinking too much, I don't want to share a room with another couple. My friends have fully admitted before to having sex in the same room as other friends because they were passed out asleep. I just like having privacy and knowing that nothing funny is going on next to me.

I dont agree whatsoever on them calling you selfish - but outwardly anyways perhaps they're saying that cuz you're going for your moms 50th bday, they might thinks your FH will take the shine off of your mom's party. However, that gives no right for your sis & bro behavior.

I agree w/pp, there's something going on underneath for your sis. Is she in a relationship? Sounds like she's jealous that you have a good man & perhaps her lovelife or any other part of her life is downhill & she hates you for your good life.

Noone should take the happiness of engagement away from you. FH & I got engaged twice, the 2nd time noone was excited cuz it happened before. But noone told me there's no point either. You can be together for 10 years but you still arent legally bound, so regardless of how long you've been together, deciding to get married brings on a deeper & more sincere meaning to your relationship.

I'd try to talk to your sis, cuz in all reality SHE's the one being selfish for ruining your FH surprise. If she refuses to listen cuz of her anger issues, let her continue acting like a child, ignore it. Or screw what your FH wanted to do (paying for her room), she can do it herself

Yikes, she sounds AWFUL! Does FH know you know?

Thank you thank you thank you girls!!! Your comments have made me feel sooo much better! Unfortunately my FH does know, I know. He overheard me freaking out in the other room. I think you ladies are right. She has been married for some time, but her relationship has been less then perfect. So I think you hit it on the nail there with jelousy. Which makes me worried, how is she going to actually act at my wedding if she is already doing this? My family is very caniving and selfish in their ways. I keep a very long distance and tell them very little because of things like this. My mother is very angry at her reaction and things she said to my mom so I think they still are not speaking. I can see what you mean about her 50th birthday. I know my FH spoke to my father and mother first and asked their permission to do it on the trip. So if my moms ok with it shouldn't my sister be? I think we are going through with the trip and engagement still. And my brother and sister are not attending. I still don't know any details as to when or how it is going to happen. But it would have been more special to not have known at all.

Holy sister selfishness! I am also ticked off for you. She is the one being selfish. There is def something more at play here. As a mother of a grown daughter who just got married(I planned her wedding)I would have considered her engagement during my bday celebration a wonderful gift.

Also, I disagree that just because you have been together for a long time,your engagement is no big deal. That is totall BS. DH and I are old tarts that have been/lived together for 10 years. Everyone was happy for us when we were engaged and we had 62 guests travel to VT to celebrate with us.

Try and sit down and talk to your sister and brother about what they are really feeling and don't let their issues spoil the beauty of your engagement.

Good luck!

OMG this is bulls*it!!This makes me so angry for you- as someone whos sister acted like a brat when I told her I was engaged because of her being jealous I was first, I have the anger there for ya! haha. I would call up each sibling and then your mom and talk to them and tell you how hurt you are by their behavior and how insulting it was to your FH. That is so messed up that your older sister isn't responsible enough to be able to get a hotel room by herself with her own husband to call y ou selfish for not paying for her to take a trip! I mean if you cant afford , don't do it. Thats MHO.

I don't think you're out of line at all for being angry. However, I can see some of my family members acting in a similarly rash manner, so I can empathize with the weird position you're in :-/. Talk to FH and your friends about it. Maybe you can arrange your own weekend getaway instead of being in the middle of a family issue.

I understand how you feel about them not feeling excited and happy about the engagement....my family was rather nonchalant about my engagement....I don't know if your much of a writer...but I say write an email or letter and be done with it. Don't let them spoil a moment that is supposed to be between you and the man your about to spend the rest of your life with it....hmmm destination wedding might be a nice idea =)

I think you have every right to be angry, and I'm sorry that you sister and brother are being so incredibly rude. If you're FH didn't have an extremely extravagant plan to propose, could he maybe surprise you with a different proposal at a new unexpected time. I know it means a lot more work and it's unfair because he shouldn't have to, but it's an idea. FI did that to me. I found out he was planning one thing on accident so he completely surprised me by proposing on a walk through the park in our development at night.