Am I gifting inappropriately?

IMO, a gift is a gift-however I think that is on the cheaper end, especially if you take the cost of your plate into consideration. I usually give $50 at friends weddings which I feel horrible about but it's really all I can afford.

TBH: this is a "know your crowd". In my crowd, it would be accepted graciously but side-eyed. It would also be the only gift on the table and be completely conspicuous. I have only been to one wedding where people gave physical gifts, and that was because the bride and groom had a Honeyfund.

I believe this is highly regional. I have never been to a wedding where a physical gift is the norm. My typical wedding gift is 200.00 per couple. More if it's a very close friend.

I would love Tupperware if I got it for the wedding. For whatever reason it always goes missing in our house lol.

Tupperware is a great shower gift but I would never give it at the wedding. We always give cash for the wedding ($200-$300 on average).

Personally, I don't care for the 'cover the cost of your meal' rule. I would be devastated if a guest declined our invite because they couldn't gift as much. We typically gift $30-50.

@Ambrok-where are you from? I didn't gift that little as a student. Typically I gift $75-$100 for a shower gift and $150-300 in cash or a cheque for a wedding gift.

People don't give a lot in my area either. Typically it's around $50-$75 per family.

I personally hate plastic tupperwear, I only use the glass. I think you should gift what you can afford. If I received a $15 gift I would just assume you are having financial trouble. I would get something a little more expensive if you can afford it.

Tupperware definitely seems like more of a shower gift. I've never gifted lower than $50, and that was when I was in my worst situation financially (just after college and suddenly single and living alone). If you can afford to gift more, I would suggest it.

Physical gifts for the shower, cash for the wedding gift. I typically give $200-$300 depending on how close I am to the couple.

If it was on their registry yeah its an ok gift. In our circle of friends people who give boxed gifts that are not from their registry are usually unhappy about it.

For example, a friend's boss was invited to their wedding and gave a Tiffany's Glass Bowel, while it is a nice gift they have no use for it and it sits in a closet somewhere.

I personally never give a boxed gift always cash.

This is my break down for wedding gifts:

Me alone (no open bar): $100

Me alone (open bar): $150

Me plus FH (no open bar): $200

Me plus FH (open bar): $250

Close Friends/family (open bar): $350 +

Close friends/family (no open bar): $300 +

I only give $50-$100 at a shower since I also give a card with cash at the wedding.

TBH, I think it's a little annoying when people go rogue and but random gifts instead of something off the registry.

I don't know where the 'cover your plate' thing ever came from. For starters, in NYC? That could be 500-600.00 per couple. Nutso. It also means that if your sister gets married at the ambulence corps hall you give her less than your distant friend at the Waldorf Astoria. What THEY spent on your dinner has no bearing on what you give; your relationship and ability to gift is more important.

@emily; the lids live with the single socks. Everyone knows that.

I think it's a great shower gift (except I also like the pyrex bowls and containers with the lids. They are killer! Is it a little generic? Probably, and it probably worked just fine with so many of your (not so intimate) acquaintances getting married so fast. Maybe adding a few of your favorite recipes or a great cookbook or a spice set (Penzy's has really cute ones) would enhance that a bit.

I rarely see boxed gifts at at wedding (which begs the question of why people seem so fixated on honeyfunds; almost everyone comes with an envelope.

Typically, as a gift I'd give 50-200 per guest, depending on my relationship with the couple (oh, and of course, if they have a cash bar or not, lol......couldn't resist!)

Even when FI and I were broke students, we spent at least 40-50 pp for wedding gifts. It's not the tupperware that's the problem, it's the 15 dollar tupperware. You should look at people's registries - those are the things they actually want

I think it is an ok gift for the shower but for the wedding I would do something else. Where I am from no one gives box gifts at a wedding, it is strictly cards. So receiving Tupperware would be nice but odd. I get being a guest can get expensive, especially when you have back to back weddings

I don't agree with the cover your plate thing either by the way, the proper etiquette on the couple's sise is not to even think about gifts. But on the other hand, 15 is far too low. I wouldn't even gift that for a birthday and those happen every year

We don't use Tupperware at all, so I'd be happy if it came with a gift receipt.

The only time I brought a gift to a wedding was when it was from the registry and I think that was ONE TIME.

The rest it was always cash and my understanding was that it was to at least pay for my plate. I'm my circle that is what we do. Where we live and wedding are not cheap, I usually gift $150-$175 per person depending on the venue. At my sister's it was different because it was immediate family so I gifted $500. My parents just gave me a cheque for $3,000 which shocked me.

The last time I gave $50 was to an engagement party located at some lounge/hotel where I handed them the gift but the couple literally said "we were not expecting gifts so thank you" and literally no one brought a gift of any kind except my immediate family because we always bring something if invited to some sort of celebration/party.

However, having said that, it's the thought that counts it's really what is in your circle and what you are comfortable with.

I usually do a bit of research to see where the venue is and the general cost in addition to "knowing" who the couple is so I can gift accordingly.

I think where we live, 95% of people just gift money at weddings and 90% of the people who attend in my circle pay at least the plate and then some. My elders would gift something a lot higher. NONE of this is expected but it's just something I know happens.

Every group, person is different and as long as the thought is there, that is most important. There really is no expectation on gifts. It's just what makes you feel good about what you gifted.

Thank you everyone for the advice!

As I mentioned before, when I started doing this I was deep in a religious subculture. Weddings were quick and my college friends hosted them in the church gymnasiums. Only one provided a meal and it was a self-catered by the groom's family. They went the extra mile by offering TEA at the reception since "some of the guests would appreciate it and they didn't want to be exclusive." The others were cake and punch only.

At 20 and 21, the Rubbermaid Tupperware seemed appropriate. I don't remember seeing registries anywhere and I was and am in debt. The gift felt appropriate to me.

I'm a few years older now and I only recently attended my first properly hoated wedding. They provided a full meal, open bar, and a shuttle to and from the reception. My FH's aunt and I got into a conversation about whether or not FH and I needed to have an open bar (I've already had that lecture) and she mentioned she bases how.much she gifts on things like that. That was the first I had ever heard of anything like that. I had never considered that there was an expected price range for the gifts.

It's only in the past couple of months that I've really started to understand how much goes into a proper wedding and proper hosting. Joining the WW forums also opened my eyes to the etiquette involved in this.

Thank you everyone

From here on I'll try to keep it to gifts off the registry and/or cash. What made sense to me in the beginning really isn't practical for the present day.

Thank you everyone