Am I gifting inappropriately?

I always give $100+ more in cash - depending how close I am to the person. With my Vietnamese custom, we always give money as a gift.

I don't base my gift off of per plate amounts. I think that's silly. My friend whose parents dropped $100K on her wedding got the same dollar amount gift from me as my friend who paid for her budget wedding on her own ($20K).

I think if at the time you were younger and a tupperware gift was the amount that you could comfortably afford, then good for you. Sound like you're older now and your financial situation has changed so maybe add something else.

Mrs.FallBride, I was speaking specifically about this forum and what people have said about gifting, not so much about turning noses up when receiving gifts. It is said over and over again "no one gives boxed gifts here, we only give cash. Weddings are for cash, showers are for gifts". My point was, that boxed gifts are common in many areas as wedding gifts and you can't generalize that cash is the only "appropriate" wedding gift, when boxed gifts are perfectly appropriate in many areas.

I'm going to say not to feel too bad. $15 is a pretty low dollar amount, but you started doing that in your early 20s when everyone is in so much debt, so I think it's more or less understandable. When I was that age, I didn't have any weddings to go to, because I'm one of the oldest of my generation in my family and many of my friends from college went on to grad school and are therefore getting married now when we're all in our late 20s and early 30s. I can't say what kind of present I would have given back then, because I was super broke.

It's good that you're reevaluating your gift practices now, as your circumstances change and you are able to give more. As far as the combining tupperware with cash gift idea now, I think that's probably fine. The last wedding I went to solo I ended up gifting my cousin $75 and a goofy kitchen appliance that wasn't on the registry -- I had wanted to do more, but I had just moved to a new state and didn't have a job yet. Now when my fiance and I go to weddings, we usually do $200, but as other people have pointed out, it's super dependent on region.

We definitely registered for a new set of Pyrex (love that they're oven, dishwasher, and microwave safe), but since it's a lower price point item it was purchased in combination with other gifts on our registry.

OP - it sounds like your tupperware gifts were perfect for the first rounds of your friends's weddings. You could still get rid of your tupperware stockpile by giving a tupperware set in addition to a gift from the couple's registry!

From the last year of WW's survey data - the average guest typically spends $181 on a wedding gift.

I don't like the saying of "paying for your plate" or basing the value of my gift off of what I'll expect at the reception - but I do kick in a little more towards the gift if you are one of our closest friends

Before coming on WW I had absolutely no idea that wedding gifts were expected to come close to the amount the couple paid for the plate or w/e...Personally, I'd be really happy to get Tupperware. We use ours (the Rubbermaid brand) like crazy. Judging by the weddings I've been to in my area, a $30-$50 gift is typical and usually, couples only have one or two "big" things on the registry...Like mixers and there are definitely inexpensive items ($10 range) included for those who want to give a gift, but are strapped for cash.

@Ambrok I never said I don't give a gift. I do give a gift, but it is after the fact. If I go to a wedding and there is uplighting, bride is wearing a expensive dress, hearing about honeymooning in Bora Bora and there is a cash bar and just light Hor Derves for food, yeah the couple isn't getting much as a gift. Having a honeymoon fund, same thing, not much given to the couple. If I am properly hosted all night with food and drinks, then the gift reflects the event. I do not think this is rude. I have seen people pull their checkbooks out at the event or not seal their cards until after they have gotten to the reception to see how they are hosted to determine how much to give as a gift.

I am sorry but if you don't care to properly host me, I don't care to give you a yard chicken as a gift.

I think it all depends on where you are from and your social circle on what is appropriate for gifts. Same goes for wedding traditions. Do what is appropriate for your social circles . What works for people in the big cities doesn't always work for the people in the suburbs and country .

I think that is a very practical, useful gift. Tupperware is good quality also. I would appreciate a gift like that! I am also that person who gifted a shopvac to a couple. They told me afterwards it is the most used wedding gift they received.

@Ambrok I didn't say she didn't gift a gift (refusing to give a gift until after the fact is still giving a gift). She said she didn't give a gift until after she graded the party. That's like going to someone's birthday party and basing their gift on how much you liked their party. Can you imagine if you you had a birthday party and someone decided to give you a box of tissues as a gift because they didn't like the cake and appetizers you served. It's rude.

Kaitlyn you sound like a peach lol

Oh my goodness some people are so greedy and tacky!! Guests are not obligated to bring a gift you know, so I think that a really useful gift like Tupperware is awesome. Not all people afford big expensive gifts, which is why my FH and I have a wide range of stuff on our registries from the very cheap side of like cooking utensils to the high side of a kitchen aid. And a set of Tupperware is on that list, because it's a great gift that's super useful. I would never judge anyone or be upset at the size or price by what gift they chose to give me ugh that is so ungrateful! Here I see people saying all the time on these forums to not ask for money yet they're saying at the same time that their guests should give them gifts or money that cover the cost of their attendance?? So tacky.

Kaylene, while of course nobody is obligated to bring a gift, Tupperware is a really cheesy and useless gift, IMHO.

@Ashley, it appears I may have misinterpreted your PP & that we are actually on the same page with ‘grading’ before gifting is rude.

As for pulling $ out of the card envelope posts on other threads, I personally always brought $ to a wedding & never felt the need to keep an envelope unsealed to determine a cash gift amt because of a cash bar. I trust 95% of couples try to treat their guests well with the knowledge & resources they have…and I appreciate that.

I think it would be better to get something worth $15 off the registry than $15 of stockpiled Tupperware. It's always better to get something off the registry or cash.

As for spending $15, it does seem very low. As a couple, FH and I always give at least $400 for a wedding. But if that's all you can afford, that's fine. Even better would be a heartfelt letter IMO. It's the effort and thought that counts, and a letter shows much more than stockpiled Tupperware.

It would be kinda odd especially if its not on their registry. & while some say they always need tupperware, typically you'll go spend the $15 to get it yourself.

@OP- are you in Utah by any chance?

I always give a minimum of $100 (or an equivalent registry purchase.) If someone doesn't have a registry, I just give cash.

Personally, I gift what I am able to based on my relationship with the person. I give minimum $50 if we're not close or they didn't get us a gift (I'm petty, what can I say?!) but usually more like $100 which is typical in our area. I would feel miffed if you got me tupperware -- plastic tupperware to boot -- not only is that a very inexpensive gift but what if I didn't even want/need it? I have plenty of tupperware. Yea I know, gifts are optional ... but its also the thought that counts, and there isn't much thought into a) tupperware and b) giving all your friends the same thing.