ASMini914
Super September 2019

Am i being unreasonable?

ASMini914, on March 28, 2019 at 9:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 49
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So the background on this: my younger sister (28) is my MOH, she is not dating anyone at all, and hasn’t been for the last 10+ years. She lives in WI, I live in MA and my wedding will be in MA. For the last 3 family weddings, she has brought one of her best friends/roommates from college as her plus one. I’ve met this friends a handful of times, but I wouldn’t really say that I know her.

I have of course planned for a “guest” for my sister at my wedding, but I don’t want her to bring his girl. I haven’t asked anything from my sister, but it’s really important to me that she be there to support me the night before my wedding (staying in my hotel room), and being very involved/having fun the day of getting ready. My FH and I really want an intimate feel, and I dont want to share special moments of the day that should be private with people that I don’t know well and feel close with... Things like getting ready, putting my dress on, etc. (I.e. this friend of hers just hanging around).

I would also feel wrong having this girl fly out to sit in a hotel room on her own for the entire day, and would probably guilt myself into including her which I really don’t want to do.

Im sure this will spark some heated comments, but am I wrong to feel like I don’t want this girl to come as my sisters guest? Keep in mind that this isn’t someone she is dating (that would be a different story), this is just her friend who would need to fly across the country. It’s also not like my sister won’t know people. All of my cousins are coming, none of my bridesmaids are in relationships, and there are soooo many people that she knows!

49 Comments

  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    You can’t give her a plus one and then dictate who it is. You don’t have to include her friend in getting ready though. She’s an adult so she’s perfectly capable of spending the day lounging at the hotel before your wedding.
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    Also wanted to add that you can’t make your sister stay with you the night before, whether she brings this girl or not. That’s up to her.
  • Megan
    Super May 2019
    Megan ·

    I think it's a little different of her having this friend come as a +1 when your sister is attending a wedding as a guest vs. her being MOH in your wedding. I wouldn't want a random person hanging around either as I'm getting ready, etc. I would assume this friend wouldn't want to be by herself the whole day either. Perhaps you can tell her that if she wants to invite her she can, but you would rather her not be with you guys where you are getting ready and basically have her show up as a typical guest would. Maybe giving that option will deter her your sisters friend from even coming if she realizes she would be herself most of the day as well as probably sitting by herself (if you are having a head table)

  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·

    In your case, I would just omit giving her a plus one. However, does her friend know any of the other guests at your wedding? Meaning, could she hang out with them while your sister is busy with you?

  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    She only knows my parents and my aunt, I just know that I personally would feel so bad knowing that this girl was there and just hanging out some that in the moment I would be like “oh just come hang out with us” but level-headed me 6 months out knows that this isn’t what I want! My sister and I already had this conversation and she said she was fine with this friend not coming, but wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy!

    Thank you!
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    Okay so...no matter who she brings as her guest the situation will still be the same? They would still need to entertain themselves while your sister gets ready with you. Most adults are fully capable. If your sister wants to stay with you the night before, which you shouldn’t assume that she does, then her and her friend can work out accommodations for the friend for the night. You can’t give her a plus one and dictate who she brings.
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    My sister and I had already talked 2 months ago about how she wanted to spend the night with me the night before, I know I can’t force her
  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I just feel like there would be a clear reason why a guy she was dating wouldn’t hang around for hair/makeup, but not this girl so I wouldn’t feel as bad. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I also haven’t technically given her a plus one yet, the save the date was addressed to only her, I’ve just penciled in another person on our overall headcount for budget if that makes sense.
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    View Quoted Comment

    Not crazy, and understandable. It definitely helps that y'all already talked about it and she is okay with it. It sounds like you have a supportive sister that understands your reasoning.

  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I would rather not have a plus one than someone tell me who I can and can’t bring.
  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·

    I would omit her plus one. She's not dating anyone and there's no need to bring a just friend to a wedding where you know plenty of people AND you already have a busy day since you're in the bridal party. I personally wouldn't want my sister to bring a friend to the hotel the night before, nor get ready with said friend because she has no where else to go. Friend would probably be more of a "burden" on everyone to me by trying to keep her busy, entertained, away from getting ready party, sitting alone during the ceremony, etc..

  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    I don’t think you can control who she brings as her plus one but you can control who is involved in getting ready, photos etc. I don’t find it any different than if she brought a SO to the wedding, they would be left to get ready and attend the wedding as a date - not as part of the wedding party itself and partaking in private moments. As long as you’re clear that her friend won’t be invited to get ready with you and that you would prefer if she stayed with you the night before I’d let them make up their own minds if her friend should come or not.
  • Brittany
    Master April 2019
    Brittany ·

    I understand not knowing her and wanting to keep it intimate but if you are giving your sister a plus one, it is up to her to decide how to use it.

  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD Online ·

    I would just talk to your sister & explain if she brings a guest, they will be alone a large majority of the day. But if you give a plus one you really can't dictate who it is.

  • Formerbride
    VIP June 2019
    Formerbride ·

    I agree with PPs. Your sister can bring who she wants, but she is not that persons babysitter. Being a guest of a person in a BP, you should know that you will not spend every moment with your "date". You definitely aren't crazy to not want someone you don't know well gawking at you while you get ready. I have set parameters for my morning because I know my mom and her friends are pushy lol.

  • F
    Devoted June 2019
    F ·
    I would allow her to bring her friend. My FH was a groomsmen a few years ago and I was his plus one. As his plus one, I understood that he was going to be busy dealing with the wedding party stuff. The fellas went out the night before and I entertained myself. I also did this during the wedding until it was party time because he was seated at the head table. Moments that he was able to hang with me, he did. We had a good time.


  • Amanda
    Super May 2018
    Amanda ·

    I think as your MOH and a member of your bridal party, she should get a plus one. I also think that you don't have a right to dictate who that is.

    Like PP's have said, her friend is an adult, so she can entertain herself for the day while you are all getting ready. I also understand you'd love to have your sister spend the night with you, but that should be up to her, not you.

    If I were you, I would extend the plus one and set the expectation that only members of the bridal party will be together for the day while getting ready and leave it up to your sister on whether she wants to bring someone across the country to make her entertain herself. She may just opt not to bring anyone.

  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·

    I get that you want to spend time with your sister before you get married but on the day of your wedding -you will be with your spouse and she will be with her friend and the two of you will barely see each other from the time the wedding starts. If you just want some alone time with your sister then that's what you should be expressing and this has nothing to do with her friend. OK now onto the advice, I dont think that you can tell her not to bring her friend because you are giving her a plus one and it's probably not right to exclude the friend the day of while you are getting ready but I'm sure the friend will understand if that happens because she is not part of the wedding party.I think you just will have to figure out how to balance this situation that you are creating so that you have time with your sister

  • Haley
    Dedicated April 2020
    Haley ·
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this! She might not even want plus one if the other BMs are going to be flying solo too.
  • A
    Expert June 2019
    Afterallthistime...Always ·

    Both of my younger sisters are my MOHs. One is in a serious relationship and my FH has invited the BF to hangout with the guys while they get ready so he won't be on his own. My other sister is bringing her best friend as her plus one. I've never met her (we live far apart), but I told my sister anything she is invited to, her friend is as well, she just can't get her hair done (my stylist will already be very busy). FH has been a groomsmen so many times and it is always so boring being by myself when they are all getting ready, so I wanted to make sure I didn't put anyone in that position. To each their own, but one or two extra faces while we are getting ready isn't taking anything away from how happy I'll be that day.

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