Am I being a Bridezilla and un-reasonable ?

I dont think you are at all.

< ----- Putting up my regular boxing gloves and grabbing the Fisher Price Elmo gloves.

Hmm, I was trying to pitch the idea of hiring a bouncer or two and telling everyone they can only get in if they are "on the list." It didn't pan well with my folk... but maybe you can do something like that? Turn away those not on your formal list.

Btw, are you her first wedding? She's thinking like a mom, and not seeing the overall big picture - very narrowly focused.

I had to cut my mom off too. At some point you have to say no. And you know what? The people she did invite that I don't know very well have RSVPed no. So there ya go.

I have to say that your not being a bridezilla or unreasonable. I think nearly every bride encounters the problem of someone wanting to add people to the guest list, whether they ask you face to face or some will actually go add people to an rsvp and send it back. If she isn't willing to cover her guests then I would have to tell her no and stick to your guns. I would calculate how much extra it would be for her to add the 3 guests, food, invites, drinks, table cloths, decorations, anything you can think of, give her the number and tell her if she wants to hand you that much money to cover the guests she wants, then she can add them. If she won't cover the extra costs, then no they can't come. And you can always say that your venue has a maximum capacity limit for fire hazard reasons you can't have more than your guest list now.

@ IndianBride : Nope my sis got married in 2008 and 2010 and brother in 2003. But her wedding was totally different from what I'm doing. In good words, I'm more organized and detailed.

Since my venue required me to hire 2 actual police officers. I thought to have them get a copy of the guest list and get my $35 per hour worth.But I'm not going to really stress about it . Since I starting working on my table plan , I notice I have 1 and 2 seats left at some tables. I might let them get in where they fit in.

The budget is the deciding factor if folks are not goin to help pay for things. You are not a bridezilla!

Well, originally I was going to go in one direction, however reading more I've changed my mind

I think you are definitely right in not letting her invite more. Since she's only been in your life again for a month or so, I think thats fair. I do think its a good idea (and I applaud you for it) for already adding a few friends of hers to the list, since you've met them.

I think you are not being a bridzilla at all. I wonder what it is about people that they feel it is ok to force there thougths and desires on other people. You have already explained to her that you have budgeted for 50 people and anyone who has not rsvp'd will be SOL so I would stick to that. I would not let her know that you may let some of those people "get in where they fit in" at a couple of the tables that have seats open but as you said, set that aside as a possibility to not have people standing on the sidelines watching everyone else eat. (man would that not be a site). You stick to your guns!

From experience, I just got married almost 2 weeks ago. Your wedding is a little less than a year away so I do see your mom's point with the whole "poppin up" ( NO I'm agreeing w her or how she was talking to you about it) thing because there were people WE forgot about up until the last month. Lol ...

Mothers turn into children sometimes! My mom is mad that I did not just rent a hall for the wedding so she could invite everyone she has ever met. I told her a hall would have been more expensive. At least once a week I hear it about how I should have rented a hall and cooked food myself. Yeah, right. Because I really want to cook food for 200+ people the day before my wedding.

I am letting my momma invite friends from work (to help support her in this joyous emotional occation), My mother is a emotional mess and if i hear her crying ill cry. lol also i have met a couple of them,

just somthing i thought was crazy... in my family, we let the bride pratically do what she wants but its my marriage my parents wedding lol... we dont follow by it i just let my mom pay for everything and invite a max of 20 people.

BTW, I love the "Elmo" gloves!!

But you arent being bridezilla ish or unreasonable... its your day u have to have a limit some how

I had to tell my mom, "guest list is closed"

I don't think your being too much...if you don't want a whole bunch of folk, then thats that..people need to get over it...your mom will have plenty of people to talk to, LOL

and the main people who talk all year about how they can't wait to come, be the main ones who don't show up

I understand your side and no you are not being a bridezilla...we are having a 200+ wedding because my FH keeps remembering people he forgot which means if you forgot them they should not be invited..lol But i did let his mother invite a few people and he had the nerve to say who said she can invite anyone this is our wedding...lol I don't get it..We are not that concerned with the cost, we are having an open bar and he is a chef so the most cost is going to the actual place who does want a head count at one point. But we will see what the out come will be and how many really show up..Good Luck!!!

You're not a softy Bada$$ :-))) and you're also right. Money is one issue, but the way you want your wedding day is an issue as well. If you're having a relatively small wedding with your closest family and friends, then inviting people you don't know doesn't make any sense. With 400 people who cares if you know everybody.

Another thing to think about is foot in the door. When people get their way with one thing (no offense to your mom, I don't know if that applies to her), then they may start requesting all sorts of other things. Although effective communication with her is obviously difficult, I think you need to put your foot down. As some people before me have already said, a no is a no. Sure, I agree it's nice to let your parents have input, but imposing their choices on other people is not OK unless they're paying for a significant portion of the wedding.

I feel you girl cause i'm marrying a farmer. I feel like everybody in the surrounding 5 counties are going to show up. I ask for "rsvp" from them , but i'm afraid i'm gonna have, as they say in church"caya" (come as you are). Invited or not. Imagine that!!!!!!

Just after we got engaged, i sat down with my mom and talked briefly about our initial ideas. guests obviously came up in this conversation, and i would like to share with you all what my mom told me...

this is about you. you don't have to invite anybody. all you need are the two witnesses to sign your marriage license. you don't even have to invite your parents if you don't want to, let alone anyone you don't care to see that day. but it would be nice to include your parents

needless to say, she won't be demanding i invite any of her friends, because her friends are not our friends. i'm thinking of renting her out to stressed out brides once i'm done, because she is seriously the best mom ever. after reading all these stories of peoples moms taking over the day, i am so appreciative of this woman.

@FutureMrsHodges Im sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I just went trough the same thing yesterday with my mom when I went to visit her and she casually said "Oh guess who called me, "John" he said you sent him an invitation for 2 but it's 6 of them"!! and I said yes I know but I only invited him and his wife hince the "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith" not "Mr. John Smith and family"!!!! So, I asked her what did you tell him and she said: "I told him you probably forgot that he has 4 kids" I went bullistic!!! I was so upset. I told my mom didn't you know it is a NO KIDS wedding? We do have few exeptions but I hardly know "John" (for the record he was a "courtesy invitation"). Long Story short I told my mom she was very disrecptul of our wishes and our budget. Of course she told me that we were too picky about the guest list and we were going to be all alone that day! I guess today someone put some sense on her head and she called me to apologize.