Am I being a Bridezilla and un-reasonable ?

You are not wrong, unless you are doing a backyard bbq with plenty of seating it's really essential to have an accurate head count. I think the people giving you a hard time are from a different generation that don't understand how weddings work these days. Now you need head counts for chairs/ tables/ centerpieces, there are seating charts to consider as well as accurate counts for the caterer. Soo not a bridezilla!

I think it's impolite not to give the mother that raised you a few invitations unless it is just very close friends and family.

I do agree about people not being able to just pop up uninvited. I told FH the same thing. I didn't make my parents or his parents RSVP because they already said they were coming.

I see it in a few ways:

1. Why is the guest list so strict, is it money or limits from the venue?

2. If it is money, then you may consider being flexible with her and asking that she pay for the guests she wants to invite.

3. If it is because you guest list already fills the venue to capacity, you may want to offer to "B-list" her guests, which means that they get invited if one of your guests can't make it.

I see weddings as combining two families, not just about the bride/groom so my approach has been to compromise and my engagement was both better and worse for it.

In the end, you know your mom and if she is like the mouse who asked for a cookie (the child's book-the mouse then asks for more and more and more) or if a little compromise will go a long way with her.

Good luck!

I think you should allow both sets of parents to add a handful of people each. I feel even more strongly in that way, if they've given ANY money toward the weddings.

Both sets of parents gave about 20% each toward our wedding (40% total) and my mom asked for 4 people (knowing I'd already added the family of her best friend, so if I hadn't she would have added 8 people) and my FH's mom added about 10. My dad didn't ask for anyone. My FH's dad asked for like 2 people. We had a total guest list limit of 150 to put that in perspective. (We also had a B list, so we invited 169 total.)

I think as much as it's your day, your parents have been looking forward to it too. I don't think 3 people is too much to ask, but perhaps just tell both sets of parents that they can add __ people to guest list (say 5) but they need to tell you by such and such date.

I had to tell my FMIL the same thing last week . She tells me oh you need to add 5 more people to Lew guest list. I told my friend that Lew was getting married and _____ said she is bring a van full.

HALT WAIT A MIN

I asked who are these people? FMIL says "oh that's my girlfriend for over 30 years." I polielty asked her " Are you payng for those extra 5 people " . She said NO , I asked FH when the last time you seen or talk to any of them . FH saids " HMMMMMM over a year and a half ago.

Well case closed they aren't invited. IM JUST SAYIN

Please tell me if I'm wrong ?

( I'm NOT a soft person, I can take honest feedback.)

There are some cultures, or customs, or just people (usually parents) who think your wedding should be a big celebration open to anyone who knows anyone who's ever met anyone who met you once 10 years ago. There seems to be a lack of understanding about how much money, time, & effort go into planning, & how adding people to the guestlist "unofficially" messes up what you have planned & adds $1000s of unexpected (& uncovered) expenses. Maybe you need to explain to her what the consequences would be of going over budget, of having unexpected people show up, etc. In some ways it's a sign of a generous spirit (& pride) to want to include more people to celebrate your marriage, but it's just not feasible for a non-causal, catered event.

BUT-if your guest list isn't too tight, it would be nice to give each set of parents however many invites you can give them to invite friends. (Count by # people, not invitations, tho.)

But yes, they should RSVP, people can't just show up and you do need to have all guests known by a certain date for planning purposes.

I think it's only fair that your parents are allowed to invite a few of their friends. My parents did but I also made sure I knew them. My parents actually asked for permission which was cute because they are paying for the entire wedding. But at the same time I can see why you are frustrated with people thinking that "extras" are normal at a wedding. When you have assigned seating and you have to give a head count, there are no extras. I had family think it was crazy that I wasn't just going to have an extra table set up for those who didn't RSVP. That itself doesn't make you a bridezilla.

I should add that my parents offered to give extra money for those friends that weren't on the guest list orginially and not take it out of our budget that they gave us. If they offer to pay for their extras then I don't see a problem with letting them invite them just as long as it doesn't get out of hand. A van full is a no go though.

I don't now why all these post are out of order.

When FH and I first started planning, we agreed on 50 or less with immediate family and friends. I'm budgeting everything on 50 guest and no more. Our budget is set for no more than 8k and thats final. Now my mom is a different story. I just started talking back to her a little over a month ago, I didn''t see or hear from her since 5/2009. My sis told her I was getting married and she then wanted to talk to me. So she barely made it on the guest list herself. The only thing she has offered to pay for was all the stationery. But knowing her I will add that in my budget anyway, she tends to not come though. FMIL has only offered to pay for the wedding cakes and second-line stuff. And regarding her I have already let her add 2 of her friends with husbands and their older children. Only reason they made it on the list is because they came by our house for a get-together and I met them all.

U are NOT being a bridezilla at all girl! just remember ITS UR WEDDING! Sometimes u have to stand up & fight even tho its your mom tho. I have to do the same thing. Hang in there.

You are definitely not wrong, I couldn't even imagine the balls it takes to crash a wedding.

If my fiance and I had it our way, we would have a 150-200 person wedding - including family and close friends. But since our parents our parents wanted a more... elaborate wedding, we are having 400 guests and they are paying for half of it.

Explain to your mom that it's just a per person budget nowadays. An extra person could cost you around $100-150 each (alcohol, food, venue, gifts, etc.) and its just not financially feasible anymore.

@ IndianBride: She just doesn't get it , she is naturally tasteless.

Completely understand where your coming from.... if you are paying then you have to stick to your plan and if people think thats rude then they should chip in.

Oh, I see your situation a little more clearly. I am sorry to say, but I wouldn't trust her not to "informally invite" some people to just crash the wedding. I'm not sure what the solution is for you other than carefully and calmly explaining (probably repeatedly) that the venue only holds 50 people and any extra's will be denied entrance so you have to stick to the pre-determined guest list out of respect for the people who have supported you and your FH throughout your lives and relationship.

Best of luck, it sounds like an uphill battle!

Ah, if that's what you're dealing with, then stand firm. No means no, and guests not on the list will be turned away at the door. It will be embarrassing, but tell your mother it will be embarrassing for her when the extra guests realize she invited them without your consent. Ugh...good luck!

Unless things are done very much differently in Missouri, it would be unusual for extra guests to just "pop up". However, this is your Mom. Friends of the parents are quite often included even if the bride and groom don't know them well, especially if the parents are paying for any part of the wedding. You probably wouldn't regret including your Mom's friends if only just for the sake of your mother's happiness.

It's really hard for me because ,my personaility is so strong. People always tell me I say hurtful things to them. It's not what I say it's how I say it. I have been working on that, I'm pretty sure I will have to reject alot of people. I hope this wedidng is not making me soft ! LAMO

LOL, FutureMrsHodges, you're still a badass. It's just a good idea to use kid gloves when handling a situation like this so people's feelings don't get hurt. You are totally in the right here, but you don't want to hear about this stuff a year from now. You just want to remember your beautiful wedding day.