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Beginner November 2017

Already married but having a wedding

Heather, on February 6, 2017 at 7:28 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 42

My husband and I married last November it wasn't anything fancy just had close family there and said our vows. I always wanted my special day and some of our family we really wanted there wasn't able to make it that day so we are going to have an actual wedding on our one year anniversary. Is anything different or do I plan as if I'm not married already? I'm sort of confused because I've never witnessed a wedding where the couple wasn't married already...

42 Comments

Latest activity by Lisa, on January 14, 2024 at 9:36 AM
  • HammettUP
    VIP November 2020
    HammettUP ·
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    If you're married, its not a wedding, it's a vow renewal or celebration of marriage. Call it what it is. You will still book vendors, but your ceremony wording will be slightly different as you're already married.

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  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·
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    You had an actual wedding.

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  • H
    Beginner November 2017
    Heather ·
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    True it was an actual wedding but a few close family and our friends wasn't there so we just want to have something bigger to celebrate with everyone. So we do everything as normal just wording is different?

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  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
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    You had a wedding; it just wasn't as grand as you wanted.

    Call it an anniversary party or vow renewal. Also, many people will be happy to celebrate your anniversary with you, but some might not prioritize it as much as your wedding, so don't be too upset if people can't make it.

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  • Linds
    Master March 2017
    Linds ·
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    You can't witness a wedding if the couple is already married... because the wedding already happened.

    If you want to have a vow renewal, or just a reception to celebrate your marriage - that's fine - but you have to make sure of a few things - first, you have to be honest - no one should be under the impression this is your wedding - it is not. If you are doing a vow renewal - you need to make sure your officiant knows from the beginning that it's not a wedding.

    Secondly, you have now given up some of the things you could/would have in a traditional wedding - like showers.

    ETA: typo!

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  • ReneeEdward
    VIP November 2017
    ReneeEdward ·
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    It's not considered a wedding.

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  • Ali
    Master June 2017
    Ali ·
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    Sounds like you are having a vow renewal for your 1 year anniversary, enjoy it and the day. Just make sure all your guests know it is a vow renewal and not an actual wedding, skip the shower and pre-wedding events/parties. Enjoy the day and celebrating your first year of marriage with your family and friends.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    You're married. As others have said, you can't call what you're planning "an actual wedding" because you already decided, three months ago, to have an actual wedding that was legally binding.

    Can you have a vow renewal (which is exactly what this is)? Yes. Can you have an anniversary party (which is also what this is)? Yes. Can you have an actual wedding (which is exactly what this is not)? No...not unless the two of you divorced and are now getting married again.

    So, what name do you put on this event, and what should it look like? You call it a vow renewal -- those are the words to use on your formal invitations. You invite your guests, assign tables, pay for a bar, serve a hot meal (and if you're planning on taking photographs between your renewal ceremony and the party, you have a cocktail hour for your guests featuring alcohol and apps).

    I'd steer clear of the big white gown, the veil, and the bridal party. A bridal party is meant to honor a bride -- not a woman renewing the vows she's already taken (and the same can be said of the potential honor attendants who will stand by your husband/wife). Can you wear white? Sure -- wear whatever color gown you love and carry a bouquet. When you stand before whomever is going to officiate your ceremony (a licensed officiant isn't necessary because no paperwork is going to be filed with the state), make sure you're repeating words that correlate to the occasion -- a renewal, not a wedding. Yes, it can be very lovely and touching.

    After the ceremony, you host your guests with a great party -- alcohol, food, and a DJ.

    I'd caution you to manage your expectations. Guests are far more likely to attend a first wedding than a vow renewal, so don't get upset if you receive declines. When it comes to renewals, guests are more likely to attend 10, 20, 25 plus year celebrations. First year renewals? It's hit and miss.

    ETA: Excellent point, Linds. Please don't select bridesmaids (because you aren't a bride) and ask them to plan your shower and bachelorette party. Those ships have sailed. What you are proposing is a one way experience -- it's all about you hosting your guests, not about you being hosted and gifted.

    Best of luck, and congrats on your recent wedding.

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  • Michael V
    Michael V ·
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    Congratulations on your big day! You go ahead and celebrate it your way with all the bells and whistles. Your best friend in this process is going to be your wedding officiant. Simply let them know they wont need to sign a marriage license because you already took care of that. Your officiant can then give you guidance on the slight difference in verbiage of your ceremony. Best wishes on your day your way.

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  • LolliPOP
    Super May 2017
    LolliPOP ·
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    No bridal party, no veils, father doesn't escorts you nor gives you away, no bouquet toss, no garter removal, no cash bar, and no calling it a wedding!

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    Enjoy your party! Don't go for a reenactment Smiley smile Call it a vow renewal so as not to confuse anyone.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    Are you looking to just throw a reception/party or you wanting to have a ceremony where your guests watch you say your vows (again)?

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  • Erin
    Devoted August 2017
    Erin ·
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    Unsure why people are so hung up on what you choose to call it. For your one year anniversary wedding, you can do anything you want to do, don't see why there would be any restrictions. As any wedding, you'll be inviting your close friends and family, I'm sure they'll love to celebrate with you whatever your plans are and will be happy you can have the wedding you wanted Smiley smile Happy Planning! Smiley smile

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    Erin, because you get one wedding. It is the actually ceremony that unites you.

    The rest is a party--a reception to thank those who came to witness the wedding.

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  • D
    Dedicated September 2019
    Dominique ·
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    Its your day. Celebrate however you like..you can have your "dream wedding".

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  • MrsMelissaP
    VIP January 2017
    MrsMelissaP ·
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    No gifts for you.

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  • APD
    VIP July 2017
    APD ·
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    This would not be a wedding. This would be a vowel renewal.

    @HitchedbyMV, in addition to letting their officiant know that they won't be needing to sign a marriage certificate, they will also need to let their guests know. There is a difference between a wedding and a vowel renewal from a guests perspective as well.

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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    You can have one but as others have said, you don't have the traditional pre-wedding parties and don't be disappointed if people decide not to come since it's not a wedding...especially if the date that you have posted is accurate.

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  • V
    Just Said Yes January 2019
    victoria ·
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    Honestly do what makes YOU happy. I am having a JOP wedding this month due my fiance being in the military. With us being married and him in the service our incomes as becoming one obviously go up and it lets us save up for the big ceremony and reception we both really wanted without my mother or his family having to contribute a whole lot since we are both from big families, the family contribution is minimal. With all of this being said we are personally calling it a vow renewal & celebration but we are still having all the bells and whistles a wedding has, since ours is private and we are only having one witness. ALSO another reason we aren't calling it a wedding ( i know people who have there is nothing wrong with how YOU want to do it) is because the day we get married in court is the day we will be celebrating from then on out and we want that day to be separated or special from the big ceremony and celebration. Everyone is different, their stories are different, what is happening in their lives at the moment are different. there is no really right or wrong way its your preference in my opinion Smiley smile

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  • K
    Just Said Yes June 2018
    Kayla ·
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    I know this was posted a year ago but we are doing the exact same thing this year on our two year wedding anniversary, and you know what? I’m calling it out wedding take two! I’m also wearing a beautiful wedding gown and having my father walk me down and doing everything you would typically do. You know why? Because I can as anyone can do what they want if that is what they want! If you didn’t have everything you wanted at the first one then there’s nothing wrong with doing what you actually want, as we are. I hope your day went wonderful!
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