Alcohol vs NO Alcohol

You can pay for whatever you want, and not pay for whatever you don't want.

whenever a bride comes on here and says "I want this but my parents want THIS PLEASE HELP ME" we tell them to pay for everything themselves and then no one else gets a say. So the other direction of that for you is that you shouldn't pay for anything that you don't agree with. Quite frankly it's not your "responsibility" to pay for anything at all, so whatever you want to and are able to contribute should be icing on the cake for your daughter!

You sound like really annoying parental units but you don't have to pay for anything. Its your daughters wedding let em get wasted and make it an adult reception

Nope, you don't have to worry about paying for it!

I agree with Kate. You aren't responsible to pay for anything so pay for whatever you feel comfortable supporting. If you are happy paying for the ceremony stuff and then paying nothing for the reception then that's your prerogative.

Nope, you don't have to pay for that at all.

You don't have to pay for anything you don't want. As a note though, if a venue has a lisence to have liquor then the liability is on them, not you, at least in most states. Would you be willing to compromise and pay for part of the venue with alcohol, just not the alcohol?

Eta: just saw that you don't want to pay for any of it now. It's within your right but I think it's a little judgmental and mean if that's why you're not paying. It's one thing to say you won't pay from the beginning but it's another to say you will and then take it away.

I completely understand not wanting to be liable for any underage drinking esp the ways the law is now. At least here in OK if you host a part where there is underage drinking (even if you are unaware of it) and someone leaves the party and has a wreck you are considered just as much responsible as the person who caused the wreck.

So I dont think you sound like annoying parental units AT ALL. My parents would feel the same way.

I dont think you should pay for anything you dont want to. I hope your daughter understands the legal responsibility that goes into hosting a party where there could be underage drinking or people drinking in driving. Good Luck!

Any reception venue that would like to stay in business is unlikely to keep giving drinks to someone obviously plastered beyond belief or to anyone underage.

You can still pay for the flowers or the dress or the bouquets without being responsible for the alcohol. The cake isn't getting anyone drunk. If you don't want your money going to drunkenness, which is your right, pay vendors you DO approve of directly (dress shop, seamstress, florist, baker.) Let them handle paying the caterers and bartenders.

I hope you'll be able to be there for your daughter and simply make an exit before the rambunctiousness starts, which would likely be after dinner and the dances.

It's not your responsibility to pay for the reception, especially if you don't want to pay for other people to drink. Nowadays, it's the newlyweds responsibility to host the wedding they can afford. But considering this is a new start to your daughters life, you should consider hosting the wedding *they* want, not necessarily the wedding you want.

It's the general consensus of these boards that a couple glasses of wine go a long way in your guests enjoyment. And though hosted alcoholic options is considered the best way to provide for your guests, many people would prefer a cash-bar to no bar.

A cash bar would require your guests to buy their own drinks during the reception, and you would provide non-alcoholic options and maybe wine with dinner or for a toast. A cash bar also requires a bartender who would not allow for underage people to be served.

If you are going with a licensed, properly-staffed venue there is no way you can be held liable, even IF you were to pay for alcohol (I'm an attorney).

Also agree that you don't HAVE to pay for anything, but you've sort of already offered - at this point, you're putting your daughter in a tough spot by giving her a "take-it-or-leave-it" proposition. She's not only in a hard spot with you, but with her new husband and his family (which soon enough will be her family too).

I totally do not think you are responsible for paying for alcohol if it conflicts with your beliefs. However, I think it would be nice of you to pay for the food, cake, etc. as originally offered. I'm sure this would go a long way with your daughter and the groom and his parents.

No offense, but otherwise it really seems like you are putting your Christian guilt on others & giving your daughter an ultimatum on what should be her and her husband's day.

Not your responsibility to pay for an open bar reception - if they want that then they can pay for it.

BUT on the flip side

Any venue with a liquor license will no overserve a guest and you can eliminate underage drinking by asking the bartenders to card OR you can keep the reception 21 +

IMO - I do find it kind of strange you wouldn't want to be at your daughters "dance party" reception - I am assuming you would want to spend the day with her.

@AlmostMrsKing this doesn't sound annoying at ALL. it actually sounds pretty reasonable and they even came up with a compromise. the daughter saying "no we want to do it this way" doesn't make them annoying parents, it just means that they have a different belief system and that is OK

People are expecting alcohol, make it cash bar to limit amount of drinking.

I always want to ask this... what does your faith have to do with drinking? I mean, yes, you have a right to do what you want, but where in Christianity is it against drinking? Jesus turned water into wine...

I try to live by the motto - "Never compromise your morals."

I have a very strong belief system and it saddens me that people think I'm trying to push things on them, or seem like I'm stuck-up, just because I don't want to drink a beer and don't think it's right. I can disagree with something you do and still be your friend. I think you should be there as much as possible for your daughter, yes. BUT, paying for something you don't agree with, you absolutely don't have to do.

Most venues will ID if you ask them too. If it really is a concern that there will be underage drinking you could ask for this so the venue/yourselves are not liable. Also I think you need to have a little bit more of an open mind... Your original plan would actually work quite well but ultimately its the bride and grooms decision especially if you are not paying for anything. I would understand that they would want everyone together. Have you talked to your daughter about how her guests handle alcohol? Maybe she can put your mind at ease about how her guests handle alcohol. Helping pay at this point is up to you tho. If you don't help, you don't get a say. If you do help though, just keep in mind this is your daughters wedding and I would hope you keep her best interests at heart.

I don't feel your being unreasonable or annoying at all. Pay for what you feel comfortable paying for, your 100% not obligated to pay for anything though.

@ Pezzy - wonderful observation - and valid question

There are religions that do not condone drinking but Christianity, I dont believe is one of them...hence they serve wine at mass on Sundays

I think you sound perfectly reasonable, and you are not obligated to pay for any part of the wedding. Even if you did already offer - it seems like you offered to pay for a specific thing, and you even state that you said you would not pay for the actual 'party' reception itself.

Also, Christianity is not one single monolithic religion. There are many, many denominations, and individual churches/parishes can be more or less conservative than others. Some are okay with drinking, some are not.

Ditto what everyone else says. Pay only for what you want. You can't control who drinks what so put that aside and enjoy yourself, while still supporting your daughter on her special day.