Alcohol vs NO Alcohol

Jesus did turn water into wine, (Pezzy), and I'm not against the drinking (for those that are of age). There is only one venue in our small rural area, and you are allowed to bring your own alcohol in. Which is why the groom and his family are supplying 2 kegs, which will NOT be monitored as to the age of those drinking or the amount that is being consumed.

I appreciate everyone that has responded, pros as well as the cons.

It would be worth it to me to have the wedding at venue where anyone underage would not be served. It's illegal and if busted all of you could end up in a world of trouble. At that point it won't matter who paid and who didn't.

It's up to you what you want to pay for IE your money. IMO this post sounds "My money my rules" If the alcohol is such as issue maybe think about a cash bar, The option to drink is there, but I don't see people getting shit faced when they have to pay for it! But, excluding alcohol completely citing religious reasons is a bit much.

I think its totally reasonable to pay for what you want and don't pay for what you don't want. You dont have to pay for anything at all but its nice that you are. My parents don't drink and don't want to pay for people to drink so they are helping with most of the wedding but we are paying for the alcohol. I think that would be a good compromise for you too. I also agree with the suggestion to have a cash bar to limit the drinking. Hope your daughter and FH will help find a good compromise.

Even in venues where you bring your own alcohol in, you typically are supplied a bartender or must bring your own. Its never a free for all unless its not in a venue (i.e. someone's backyard). I think you should discuss your concerns with your daughter AND her fiance, like adults together. Also, I somewhat understand why your daughter and her fiance may want to have the wedding in a church followed by the reception at the venue. I've never been to a wedding with a ceremony followed by dinner and then going to another location for dancing. It seems like a lot of steps when you could just do church for ceremony+reception hall for a light dinner, cake and dancing.

Even if you can bring your own alcohol, most venues require a licensed bartender because of insurance purposes. Even if they don't maybe you could say you will pay for the venue, but only if there is a licensed bartender in charge of the liquor who will card and cut people off? That's certainly not unreasonable. Or, if you don't want to pay for it period, that's not unreasonable either. Maybe you could just offer to pay for the ceremony, but not the reception?

Mom? Is that you?

Seriously, I have almost the same exact situation with my parents. My dad is a pastor and refused to pay for alcohol at the wedding. You are not obligated to pay for anything. You offered your daughter what you are willing to pay for, if she chooses differently then technically it would be her responsibility to pay for it. My parents have paid for a good portion of our wedding. I've been very lucky. The alcohol, however, was paid for by my FMIL. I don't have friends under 25 though, and while they do drink, it's not a "sloppy drunk fest". Well maybe for a couple of them but I'm kicking them out if they do it's a wedding not a frat party.

Michele, you are not obligated to pay for any part of the wedding if you don't want to.

You really can't control or worry about other people drinking or not at your daughter's wedding - that's just going to stress you out. If she's inviting adults, allow them to make adult decisions, even if that means getting completely wasted (hopefully they won't). It is not your responsibility. If you fear underage drinking, maybe ask your daughter to ask some responsible friends or family members to monitor the kegs. Maybe look into providing shuttle services for those who drink too much.

I'm just going to say, as the daughter of a recovering alcoholic, and future daughter-in-law of very religious in-laws, we are having an open bar and no one is asking or expecting us not to.

Nope, you don't have to pay for anything. The "bride's parents pay for the wedding" thing is and old and outdated "rule" and no longer applies. Most couples pay for some or all of their weddings these day.

If you DO choose to pay for the reception though, then you get to decide on the style of reception. If you want it to be light food, cake and punch after ther ceremony, then tell your daughter that you will pay for that type of reception only.

I think you are being very reasonable and came up with a fair compromise and your future son in law is out of line and he sounds ungrateful.