Alcohol at the reception

But, hey, those grateful, just to be invited guests are "fortunate enough to have the wine be free" -- because, as we all know, attending a wedding means no expenses are incurred. It's free. To all of you ladies who are trying to find a way to host your guests with expenses mounting, please understand, I'm not trying to degrade anyone for their budgetary restrictions, but this callous attitude towards the guests really confuses me.

I'm done. Punching out before I get into trouble.

JK - I heart you. I'm attending my cousin's wedding in June. Since I live many states away, and we are driving so we don't have to rent a car and buy plane tickets, we are paying about $100 in tolls, $200 in gas, and then about $300-400 for hotel. Not including all the meals we will obviously need to eat while we are there! And odds are, she is having a cash bar.

AND I STILL HAVE TO GET A GIFT. A nice gift, because if I recall, she gave us $200 as a wedding present.

Grateful to be invited? No. Excited I am going and happy to be able to partake in the festivities? Yes.

@Centerpiece, Agreed, weddings are expensive and it truly does suck and sometimes hurt, financially and emotionally when you are on your own for it. And i applaud anyone who is making it happen for themselves. But, to blatantly state that they adult guests are either a. Drunks who cannot moderate themselves appropriately at an event or b. Should be grateful just to be invited is absurd and rude on the part of the host.

@SJ, that's exactly what I mean! You are the perfect example of someone who may be burdened actually (not saying you are, but you could have been!) not simply "grateful to be included". That's a selfish and immature way to think about a wedding guest, for sure, and I'm so sick of hearing it from the cash bar types

Switching to a cash bar after a certain amount is going to be very confusing for your guests. People will get upset, there is no doubt about that. Just go ahead & have a cash bar then put it on your invites too, while you're at it.

@ Jenn I've been around - just not as much as before!

& HAHA I'm totally with you JK. I thought I was the only one who felt that way!! I got invited to my cousin's wedding this summer that's over an hour away from me (well I've only got the STD so far) and when I got it my initial thoughts were, in this order:

1. I'm only going if there is an open bar

2. I can't wait to laugh at all the poor wedding decisions they make and POSSIBLY post them on WW

I'm so evil

Can I just pipe in about the signature drinks? I freely admit guests like me are in the minority (and you shouldn't always have to change your wedding plans for minority opinions), but as a type 1 diabetic, signature drinks are almost impossible for me to drink. Not because I don't like them - I actually gaze longingly at these delightful concoctions as my fellow wedding guests guzzle them down. But they are usually pretty sugary (almost always are concoctions sweetened with liqueurs or nectar), and can also be very alcoholic to boot. Which is a deadly combination for a type 1 diabetic trying to decide how much insulin to give themselves before drinking it. So if I went to a wedding that only had a signature drink as an option, it would pretty much be the same as me being told I couldn't drink at a wedding where everyone else can. Wine is a lot easier for me because it's carbohydrate and alcohol content is pretty predictable, so I know exactly how much insulin I can take. Whiskey and diet soda is the easiest since it is carbohydrate free, and all I have to do is reduce my basal insulin rate to account for the hypoglycemic effect of alcohol.

Just saying, signature drinks are not always the answer for everyone. I'm probably one of the few people who would much rather have a cash bar than free signature drinks.

I can't believe this thread is still going lol. Thought for sure it would be gone.

Not sure if the 'grateful' word was meant as you're lucky to have been invited in the first place, or people are grateful to have just been there because they love the couple. If it's the first, not cool. The couple should be 'grateful' and honored they came to celebrate you! Attending is an option, not a requirement.

SunshineJenn, you get the 'Guest of the Year' Award! WOW. As brides we forget to put ourselves in their shoes. Being a guest is NOT cheap. When I attend a wedding, my fiancé and I make sure to give no less than $100- $200... more if it's family. I say give your guests the same respect you'd want to see reflected in the gift they present to you. I'm not saying open bar is the way to do it, but at least be mindful that they too are making a sacrifice. Don't use the word loosely to justify your choice or lack of ability to do more.

That being said, if you're attending a wedding....give a good gift! Biggest pet peeve. My cousin married last fall and the amount of people who gave $25-$50 baffled me. Some had families of 3-4!!! But that's another subject all together

Actually when I get invited to a wedding I do feel grateful that they thought to invite me, then again I don't get 10+ wedding invites a year.

And, if the wedding was out of my price range to travel, I would decline the invite. No one is forcng anyone to spend money on a plane ticket, gas, new dresses, or expensive gifts. I won't judge my guests for not giving me a gift, to giving me a card to giving me $200... it is what they choose.

@Snarky, it is SO good to see you back!!! hahaha, I have been on my own it feels like lately... so many regulars fading away as they get busier with their weddings and life changes!

To clarify, I'm not judging if someone doesn't match what I give. It is my choice. However, anything less than $100 (in MY opinion) is a bit of a slap. However I do agree with you Julie. It is their choice. A gift is also an option, not a requirement.

^ I concur. I got a few $25 gift cards. I always give at least $100 and my husband and I are much less well off than them.

@ JK I know! So many new "faces"! It's nuts!

Julie, when I read that comment to my husband, he said it sounded completely arrogant. Brides and grooms should be grateful people attend. Not the other way around.

And as such, they should be properly hosting their guests. You don't charge your guests drinks at house parties, where the celebration is typically less eventful. Why would you do it at a wedding? "I can't afford it" isn't a good excuse.

That said, cash bars are not a hill I would die on. If you gave me, as a guest, the preference between cash bar and dry wedding, I'll choose cash bar every time. BUT those drinks better not cost an arm and a leg.

Actually this is the order of my preference from best to worst:

1 - Open bar

2 - Beer and wine-only bar

3 - Signature cocktail-only bar

4 - Cash bar

5 - Dry reception

SunshineJenn, (and a bunch of others), you totally got me wrong on this one. I am 100% grateful for EVERY SINGLE guest that shows up to our wedding (regardless if they bring a gift or not).

As a guest, I do "appreciate" maybe this is a better word choice?? being thought of to be invited to a wedding. And, I never go to a wedding thinking 'good opportunity to drink a few drinks"

Some venues just charge way too much for open bars, and most often they are "consumption based open bars", when guests do not have to pay for drinks you have the "non drinkers" get a drink or two just because they didn't have to buy it, and don't think that the B&G is being charged per drink. If the bar is "truly open" as in a set cost for unlimited drinks, yeah sure I'm all for that...but consumption based open bar (which would be the case for us), sorry not sorry.

Besides, we ARE giving guests a signature drink , having served wine and having it available at the bar (free of charge to guests). Not to mention the champagne toast... My take is at least the guests that want that other alcohol beverage will be able to get it, unlike the beer/wine bars where it just wouldn't be available.

We are spending more than anyone on food, cause we are choosing to have a properly Kosher wedding, to me open bar is not the only way you "properly host" your guests.

Julie, I'm glad you cleared that up. Like I said in my message, I didn't read the beginning of the thread so I wasn't sure if the word was used as grateful to be there or grateful because they love the couple. Good to see clarity. Also, happy wedding planning! You only have a weeks to go. So exciting!!!