Alcohol at the reception

One last time, for all the judgmental people who don't drink: weddings are a celebration. Food and (alcoholic) drinks are a necessary part of any celebration for most people. No one is coming to your wedding to get smashed, and if they are, why did you invite them? I have not had sparkling fruit juice as the only non-soda option at any event in my entire adult life.

To the OP, it seems like you just want us to tell you that it's ok to do drink tickets, and you're getting upset because we're not. I agree with Emily and Celia and I don't think anyone was being bitchy. If you can't afford this, another option is to do a brunch or lunch wedding, when people will be unlikely to want to celebrate as much. You can't have your cake and eat it too-- either properly host your guests for an evening wedding, change the type of event you're having, or wait until you're out of college and can have a bigger budget.

In my adult life (I'm 36) I'd say close to half of the weddings I've been to have been dry receptions. I've never thought any less of those celebrations. I'm there to celebrate the couple, not go in search of a night of free drinking. Keep in mind I spent a large portion of my 20's working in the bridal industry and attended 1 or 2 receptions every weekend.

@Sarah it's really not free when you add up guests' travel costs, attire, and gifts for the couple.

IMO two drinks a piece is enough. I don't see anything wrong with drink tickets. Just let people know within the invite so they know to bring cash if they want more than 2 drinks.

Ehh, invite is tricky, especially when it's tacky to put registry info and dress code on an invite. I also don't think you want to draw attention to something on the invite that isn't a strong draw to come (sorry, just being honest). Wedding website might be acceptable. Host what you can afford (maybe a Sig drink for cocktail hour and then a drink for a toast and then go to cash bar with maybe table-side win service during dinner?) but mention it on the website, not the invite.

ETA: it might be helpful if you have some method if distribution for the 2 free drinks than the bar. Agree with PPs who say guests could get confused.

How are you going to make sure that every guest gets 2 drinks? What if one person drinks their 2 drinks really fast and then goes to get a 3rd one? Does someone else get one less drink? Don't do drink tickets, it's not a carnival.

I've been to all these weddings: dry (not my favorite), cash bar/partial cash & open bar.

I say if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. It's a good idea to inform your guests. I like the idea of signature drinks or open during cocktail hour. Good way to incorporate it without going over budget. Great thing for you is you have a nice guest count of 80, so it would be mush less than the average. People like me who like to have a drink or 2 at weddings WILL pay regardless! Simply because it's what I want. I've learned not to frown at cash bars because it may not be in the couples budget. Do what you can afford No need to break your pocket...especially when you're a college student.

@futuremrslav I know as brides we love our wedding websites but the truth is no one really visit them.

I suggested the invite because I know I hate to go somewhere and I need cash and I'm not told in advance. Then I either have to suck it up or go to one of those over price atms they sometimes have on site. If the bar take cards then find. But if it's truly a cash only bar you have to let people know ahead of time.

It really comes off as a defensive reaction when people say things like, "I'm not paying for people to get drunk on my dime", "People need to go to AA if they can't get through a wedding without a drink", or "This is about celebrating the couple, not getting a free drunk on". Those are extreme reactions (and I'm not referencing anyone specifically on this thread when I say those things. I've read so many of these threads, and these are common refrains that have stayed with me).

I've said it many times, and I said it on this thread: Ninety-five percent of the weddings I have attended are full, top shelf, open bar receptions. Over the past 30 years, I've attended countless weddings -- as in, really, I couldn't count them. Never, not once, have I seen anyone get belligerent, throw up, fall down, destroy property, get cut off at the bar, start a fight, or say something inappropriate and loud -- never. There has never been a car accident on the way home from these weddings. Now, I can't believe that my family and friends are all that unique. They are responsible adults. They have no desire to humiliate themselves or get arrested for DWI. They handle their liquor. They pace themselves, and they know their limits. There are several individuals in my rather large family who do not drink -- either for religious reasons, health reasons, or because of alcoholism. They, like all the other adults, conduct themselves according to their individual moral codes, and they are not judgmental of those who do drink.

A party is a party. If you think of New Year's Eve, what do you think of besides midnight and confetti? You think of popping open a champagne bottle. Champagne is an almost universal sign of a celebration. That is a part of our culture. Adult celebrations and some kind of alcohol go together. When you serve alcohol at your wedding, you are not paying for someone to get drunk on your dime. You are offering them something that makes for a great celebration. My experience has been that dry weddings have a different feeling to them. I haven't been to many, but I've been to a few. People are happy to celebrate the couple, but it's a lot easier to get out on the dance floor after you've had a few cocktails (and there's nothing wrong with someone who is too embarrassed to get on a dance floor stone, cold sober. Maybe they just suck at dancing, and a drink loosens them up enough so that they don't care ). That's why there's a fully stocked bar in most dance clubs. Business owners figured that out many years ago. It's just a fact of life. If people leave earlier because there's no alcohol, that doesn't mean they haven't made the effort to celebrate the couple. They most certainly did. They made the effort to come and bring a gift. They made the effort to witness the ceremony and attend the reception. If they leave early, it's probably because, without a drink to relax their inhibition, they don't have much to do beyond sitting at a table. How long can you sit and socialize at a table with coffee and soda? Probably a few hours (like you would at a restaurant), but certainly not four or five hours. And finally, attending a wedding is hardly free. Gas, tolls, clothing, babysitters, and a gift all cost money. Most weddings I go to cost me several hundred dollars just for the gift.

If you want a dry wedding, have a dry wedding. If everyone has a blast, great. If people leave earlier, it is not a sign of disrespect. If you can't budget a full open bar, then you can't. But there are economical options that will allow you to host something, and because most people appreciate and prefer that, it doesn't make them alcoholics or drunks looking for a free black-out. It just makes them people.

FYI...most "cash" bars accept credit cards....but that's besides the point. Do what you can afford and what your guests will enjoy. Nobody on ww will agree with anything besides open bars so my advice is to discuss this with your family and FH!!

I totally thought this thread was going to be out of hand/hidden by now.

In partial defense of Emily your first statement IS contradictory. If I was going to do it in the manner you are suggesting I would do an open cocktail hour, which will probably result in 1-3 drinks per person. It might help the night flow better and be less confusing.

It makes me sad that so many people cannot and will not ever see both sides of things. I am totally pro cash bars and have no shame in the fact that we are having one. We live in Canada where everything costs 50-75% more than the States. I know there are some Canadians on here that had/are having open bars and that's great that they can afford it. However my FH and I both work pretty much minimum wage jobs and can't afford a few extra grand for people to drink. It's unfair of people to say that maybe we should just have a "lunch reception" or "dry wedding". Everyone deserves to have the kind of wedding they want. If I had a ton of extra money I would, but when we can't even afford to go on a honeymoon for 2+ years, I'm not paying for people to drink.

Sorry about ranting, but these things need to be said.

What Centerpiece Flowers said x 1000.

"People should be there to celebrate us, not to get drunk" is such a lame argument for those who don't want to properly host their guests.

A dry wedding is FINE. There is nothing wrong with it etiquette wise. But it does not usually have the same feel as a wedding with alcohol, and guests will likely leave earlier and dance less.

Do what you can afford. So what if someone finds it the evil "T" word? You can't please everyone.

Centerpiece flowers is exactly right.

Wow @emily was not being a bitch and no one else has been. @OP you need to chill. Be prepared to take honest opinions and advice. Obviously you're going to do what you want. I personally HAVE seen what you are suggesting done before. Not saying you should do it. But seriously. Chill.

@Melanie, if this was a weekday and people were at work, I'm SURE this would have gotten out of hand and hidden by now haha.

See if your venue has a drink package. Ours was approx $24 extra per person for a full open bar and that included unlimited beer, wine and top shelf liquor all night.

That's a good deal, Nay, and I know you're in a pricey area.

I've never actually seen anyone at a wedding get sloppy drunk and abusive. Who knew!?

Neither have I. Actually, to be honest, I heard about it once. It was a client's wedding. They were a lovely couple -- one of my all time favorites. They did wine and champagne, but that was for the reception only. The cocktail hour was more of a coffee/fruit drink hour. A couple of their guests, barely old enough to drink, decided that they wanted hard liquor. Well, they were drinking in the parking lot. Because they were not monitored by a bartender and drinking straight 80 proof from a bottle, they got out of control and did some damage to the venue. That's all I can say. If you have guests you think are going to be drunken fools, it's far better to have a bartender monitoring the situation.