Aisle walking... with or without my Dad?

I have never had a "dad" but I had a grandfather that was amazing as a father figure...even not knowing ANYTHING about my father, I would probably regret him not walking me down the aisle if I knew who/where he was......I think the officiant can eliminate the whole "giving" away phrase and come up with something catchy if you choose to do it..I always look long term when I'm 40 and want no regrets about my wedding day....and that is one of those moments that I wouldn't want to miss out on, close or not...but that is just my opinion..

I think you would regret not having him walk you down the aisle, you guys missed out on so much and this shouldn't be one of them if it doesn't have to be.

My dad was absent until I reached adulthood as well, we unfortunately don't have a close relationship at all. I am actually having my first husband's father walk me down the aisle because through my marriage and subsequent divorce from his son we became very close and now he;s very much like a father to me. Although I am having the 'giving away' part taken out of the ceremony.

I think you should go down the aisle with your Dad. He has been absent from your life for quite some time, but now that he is there it seems like he wants to be there. On your special day I think you should put your past aside and do whatever it is that makes you happy.

I think the whole "giving away" thing is old- fashioned too, but my friend pointed out to me that how many times does a dad get a moment like that? I know you guys weren't always close, but if you think you can handle it. A lot of people don't have the closeness you're referring to, but if you he loves you and you love him, I would have him walk you. I'm actually having both my parents walk me down (even though they're divorced, because my mom insisted. LOL. I would rather just walk by myself, but I'm just going to let it go)

Well going by what you've written here, I didn't see you write ONE thing about actually wanting to have him walk you down the aisle. The only point on the "pro" side is that he would be be proud to walk you. You say you HATE the giving away thing. (I did too) and that you don't feel close with your dad. So what's this fence you are on? Sounds to me like you already know what you want to do but you're feeling guilty about wanting that. Don't let the guilt run your life. I walked proudly down the aisle alone, not everyone was ok with that but I am so glad I did.

Well, I was leaning towards walking by myself... but, its also a kind of right of passage to be walked down the aisle. And there is a part of me that doesn't want to miss out on yet another milestone.

We've already cut out the parental permission/giving away/honoring bit from our ceremony. We didn't feel it was appropriate, FH feels the same as I do about being given away.

But then, I sort of see the whole walking bit as a kind of giving away too. Ack! This whole aspect has been something that I've been putting off for a bit. My dad asked me if I want him to walk with me in an email yesterday... so I need to make up my mind.

But then again... If I can just find the right song... I might just dance down. And that removes the issue entirely because dad isn't able to dance.

LOL, well, someone had Cascada's song on her way down and danced to it...there are lots of youtube videos about brides dancing down the aisle....lemme see what I can find for you....

well, all I can find is the whole bridal party dancing down...but it could give you some inspiration....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

My dad wasn't apart of my life till just a few years ago and it was my brothers that were like my fathers, so I am having them walk me down the aisle. I even lived with my father for a little over a year while I was in high school and I still don't feel like we have the relationship that your suppose to have with your father. So in my opinion if he chose to skip out on the childhood than he doesn't deserve to walk you down the aisle.

And as far as the giving away part .. Just tell your minister or whoever is marrying you that you would like those words to be left out .. no biggie.

I'm a HUGE daddy's girl, he is my absolute best friend, but i also don't have a mom. so i just can't imagine you not regretting having him walk you down the aisle, think of it as something that will make your relationship stronger and give you a special moment with him, a chance to grow and add on to the relationship that you are forming with your dad. and i'm sure your officiant will be able to come up with something that is perfect for you, so that it's not like your dad is giving you away. it will be perfect no matter what you choose!

FH and I met while swing dancing. We're really into vintage jazz music. I keep searching our song collection for the perfect song, but am not finding any that fits. Some songs that we love actually have pretty horrible lyrics for a wedding.

If I can't find one to dance to, I'm going with What a Wonderful World. Love that one.

And... if I end up walking... I'm starting to think that I should walk with my dad. I can look at is as something to add on to our relationship. We'll just do whatever is needed to avoid the giving away thing.

Thanks ladies for helping me with this!

Well I am glad you and your dad are having a relationship now on some level. I being a dad favor him walking with you. He is not giving you away but for him it now a chance to see his little girl as a woman. On your side if you are not going to regret it then you should do what you want. It is also one of those things dad would regret not being able to do. I am sure you will make the right decision for you.

Thanks Dane, Its nice to have a guy's/father's perspective too.

This is your day, and trust your gutt,

follow your heart and do what you feel is best.

If you chose to not have him walk you down the aisle, you can always still have a father/daughter dance to show your association.

My parents divorced when I was 5, mom remarried, both mom and stepdad have passed away. Dad is still alive.

I have two songs aged 22 and 14,

My youngest son will walk with me half of the way from begining to middle, and my oldest son who will be standing as one of the groomsmen will be meeting us halfway down the aisle and the 3 of us will walk together the rest of the way, my children are walking me down the aisle to my FH. it was our way of incorporating them in the whole ceremony and not have them sitting out.

and for the reception, I will have a bride/son (mother .son) dance with my two boys.. at the same time that my Fh will dance with his mom..

Chris Barnes ... On this day . speaks for all of us involved....

Good Luck,

I just sent him an email letting him know that I want him to walk with me if we choose to walk rather than dance... and that I'll find some way to incorporate him in a way he is comfortable with if we go with dancing.

I'm not sure if we'll get to do the father/daughter dance. It depends on his health. He had some sort of seizure/falling spell this past fall and nearly died. His balance has been a bit off since then. So while he's capable of walking with me, I don't know that he is able to try dancing.

A few notes to a special song

A photo opportunity for a lifetime of memories for you and him equally.............

Bless him and you ..

Im not having my father walk me down the aisle. He was absent more about 99% of my childhood and about 80% of my adulthood. My first marriage I had my stepdad (who raised since I was 2) walk me down the aisle. He passed 4 years ago. I never once thought about having my birth father walk me down the aisle this time. I considered my son or my uncle, but decided to walk alone. My father will get an invitation to the wedding but I doubt he will come. He didnt come to the engagement party because of the bus schedule and the bus doesnt run near my venue.

Just to add to everyone's comments, other options to the "who gives" phrase could be, "who presents" or "who supports this woman in her marriage to this man". It is pretty formal sounding but it is part of the tradition. Good luck with your planning.

Think about changing the wording just a little "Who allows this woman to join with this man" or " Who presents this woman to this man". How about, after reaching the alter, have your father say " From father to Groom with all my Blessings for a happy life" as he places your hand into your grooms! My point is you are your fathers Daughter, Let this be the day you begin your new life with the WHOLE Family. Many blessings!!

No. Thanks for those suggestions, but I'm skipping the giving away altogether. I'm making this decision to get married. I'm choosing to share myself with my FH. My parents have nothing to do with it. I don't want to be presented, given, supported or anything like that. My dad likes my FH, but honestly I wouldn't care if he didn't... so I don't want to do any sort of parental blessing either.

I really appreciate all of those suggestions, but they just don't fly with me. I wasn't exaggerating when I said the idea of being "given away" makes my skin crawl.