Age Discrimination- young couple

I'll say this. I'll be 31 when I get married in July. I spent most of my 20s dating different guys. I got engaged right after I turned 29.
I really dont think its discrimination that you are facing, just people wanting to share their life experiences with you. You haven't been on your own that long. In your early 20s you are figuring out who you are. The person I was at your age is completely different than who I am right now. The things I looked for in a partner is completely different, too.
Now, I'm not saying you're making a mistake by making this decision. My parents got married in their early 20s and 34 years later they are still going strong. But I also know people that I graduated from high school with that are on their 3rd marriage and still cant seem to figure it out.
Basically, you just have to realize that the two of you will change quite a bit in the next few years and you two will have to be prepared to fight and work hard. Your 20s are a time for growing and discovering your self, and it can be hard to do when you're married. Especially if you start pumping out babies.
So just do some serious thinking and make sure you are getting married for the right reasons. Prepare yourself for the extreme hardships that you will face in the future.

My advice to you is ignore what everyone else has to say. Everyone will have an opinion on your relationship especially if they see you striving... but at the end of the day it’s your decision and only you know if you are ready. When I got engaged I was 23 and FH was 22 ... like you outsiders would look at me and say wow you are young are you sure but what they didn’t know was that we have been together for 6 years than and lived together for 5.... what they didn’t know either was that we planned a two year engagement not because we wanted to wait for age purposes but because we wanted to save enough money for our dream wedding. We are travelers and had already a couple things booked the year we got engaged so we thought it would be smart to wait a bit.

Like i said only you guys know if you are ready. Don’t let any mind to what outsiders have to say.

I and my FH are both 27 and all we are getting is comments on how we aren't ready since we do not have a house/apartment or how we are not mature enough. We are getting giffted with the necessities for the wedding itself, but not the rest. We chose to wait until after marriage to move in together, for religious reasons, but the forrmer is the main complaint from other people.

Congratulations! I'm happy for you guys, I wouldn't concern myself with others. Not everyone will be happy for you. You all are doing well for your age. It's about the two of you, and your beautiful wedding day

First, I just want to preface by saying that I did not read all 124+ posts.

Second, I also had a huge post all typed out about how FH and I have been together since we were 18 and how if I said I didn't want to marry him at any point during those 8 years that my pants would burst into flames.

But what's important is that you and your FH alone make the decision to get married. Input from your support system - whether it be friends or family or elsewhere - is important but it's not everything. Your marriage contains the two of you, not you, your FH and everyone else.

And don't just get married because you feel like you have something to prove about marrying young. Yes, it can work out. I know plenty of people from my previous church who have gotten married around your age whose marriages are still strong, but I also know plenty more that have soured and weakened despite their faith.

What's important is how you two grow together. How you two deal with change together. And if you grow apart, there is no shame in recognizing that you two tried your best but it just wasn't meant to be. Don't let anyone shame you into thinking that you are less than for divorcing.

TL;DR

Just do it if you two feel like you are ready.

Yeah, I got engaged in my 20th birthday, FH was 22.
My dad had a failed first marriage that they rushed into because she was pregnant, they were both 19. So my whole life he’s warned us against marrying too young (my sister and I) or for the wrong reasons. When I told them about my engagement they weren’t surprised. But they were when I told them our original date, because it was so long away.
I made it 2021 so that I’d be 23- the same age my mum was when she married my dad, and I hoped by then people wouldn’t be judging us as much for it.
FH and I decided to sign the paperwork this year, and keep it low key, then do a big reception next year after we’ve saved up for it.
When I saw my dad over the weekend, he asked when we’re going to do the legal ceremony, he had hoped it was going to be September (FH and I are long distance right now while he’s on an internship in San Diego). In September he graduates in mexico, so I’m going over for that. But legal marriages in Mexico are a bit of a nightmare, so it’s going to be June. Our parents are both a bit sad that they’ll miss the ceremony but we’re doing a symbolic ceremony next year that everyone can come to 😊

My dad said this weekend that he always thought it would be weird when I get married, but that this feels right.

Its a relief to have unwavering support from my family, and my friends.
But, I get lectures from strangers if I mention my fiancé, or my wedding.
I don’t understand why people feel the need to comment on it? Like, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.
It’s worse when they think they’re helping but they ‘remind’ you something very obvious that of course you’ve considered.
My FH and I also grew up quickly because of different traumatic events in our childhoods, we’re both fairly serious people, not exactly your typical youths, and we’re very serious about our relationship.
The easiest thing to do is ignore them.

Its funny that the people who like to romanticise relationships from the 50’s- their parents and grandparents who were high school sweethearts who married at 18 and were together their whole lives, are the people who now criticise young people getting married.

Relax. Truth is, marriage takes work, even with all the premarital classes (but kudos! That is smart). It doesn't matter if you are 22, 32, or 42. It is also incredibly rewarding. If you have your parents blessings, that is all I would suggest. The rest of the nay sayers can find something else to gossip over.

Just ignore them. Its your life and decision.

I will tell you though, I am on my second marriage. I got married when I was 23 and I am a completely different person now. We were married 12 years but, we grew apart.

Heya...

We are 38 and 33, married almost 2 years. We've both never been married before. When we met, we both had our own careers, house, job, cars, bills

And when we talked about how we were getting married, we heard negative comments every time. We are in the age group where many other people are on their second or third DIVORCE so there's just no pleasing some people. And to this DAY people make stupid comments like "when you guys get divorced....."

We will be 23 and 24 and I have not gotten comments like this once.

The worst I've gotten was an older friend of mine casually making a comment about another young couple we know seeming young to be getting married, without realizing what she was saying in front of me. She quickly caught on and just shut her mouth before it got more awkward. Harmless enough.

We've lived together for 2 years and been dating for 9, so I think everyone was expecting it. I think age comments come from one of two things: 1. other issues with the couple that loved ones are aware of. or 2. their own insecurities or awkwardness.

Don't let it bother you. You're not 17; you're an adult who can make your own choices. Best of luck.

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I often wonder if it's any different when you're older. I imagine even if you were 33, you would still have changed by 45 too. Not an argument, just food for thought for everyone, whichever way you want to take it

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I think its possible. In my case it was because I didn't even know myself well enough to know what I wanted for the rest of my life. I hadn't gotten to experience life enough to know what I liked, didn't like, I hadn't dated enough to know that there were people who were more compatible and less compatible or even what my type really was. I suppose it could happen at 33 but, I can tell you that now at *cough37cough* I know for sure of what I like and what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not.

I can say for sure that "We've made the decision to tie the knot at this age for personal/religious reasons." sounds a little concerning to me. If one of my kids told me that was the reason they made the decision to get married, I would likely encourage them to wait. Having said all of that you are an adult and it is your decision and no one else. Keep in mind that part of growth is listening to the wisdom of older people and people who have been through similar experiences. Its not that they don't think it'll work out, they just want you to see all sides of the situation before you make a lifelong decision.

I wish you a very long and very happy marriage!!! I'll see you in the forums!!

We are a "young" couple too, which actually I don't consider 23 young by any means.

The only people who I have ever seen speak about young couples and marriage on the people here on weddingwire... everyone else has been extremely excited for our wedding and us.

Don't let anyone get you down. It's your day! and at the end of the day, you... and only you know if you are ready to make a commitment... and that goes for ANY age.

View Quoted Comment It is different, biologically. A persons brain isn’t fully developed until mid twenties, so there is often a more drastic change from early twenties to thirties than from thirties to forties.

We're a young couple as well. We're both 23 now, will be 24 when we get married. We've also done premarital in the church and are incredibly financially stable. It's the most frustrating thing but just remember that you're marrying your best friend. Others opinions don't matter.

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You might want to look into laws of your state, even though you might not have sent in a marriage license, you might be actually married.

I understand this. My FH and I get judgement a lot, but everyone who knows us as a couple is fully supportive. I’m 20 and my fiancé is 22. We are very aware that we’re SUPER young. Neither of us thought we’d get married until our mid twenties, but we’ve been together for over 4 years through very difficult things and I have fragile health. We know we want to get married and we genuinely don’t enjoy our time when were apart nearly as much as when we’re together (and we’ve been doing long distance for a while) so why waste time when we know what we want already?
Anyway, if you already know you want to marry each other, have thought it out, have a solid relationship, and have the financial means to do it. Sure, you will be a different person in 10 years than you are now and you may want different things, but with a good relationship you can grow together and/or learn to respect each other’s differences. Plus you have the added perk of being able to be with your soulmate for a long time! ❤️
TL;DR: I understand and I support you. You do you and enjoy being young with the person you love most. I think that’s pretty awesome! Sorry for my ramble, I hope it makes sense haha.

There is no way anyone can ever predict the future. There are statistics, but those also say that getting married too *old* is also associated with an increase in divorce. The risk is also higher with each subsequent remarriage. The only thing you can do is find someone worth taking the chance on and take it.